How do I step my game up, stop being jealous/insecure, cure my gaming addiction and learn how to take women out on a date without shying away?

recyclablebanthas · 2017-11-16T15:25:57+00:00

___0___

Hell even in college, people have their cliques (especially in junior or senior year) and usually spend time in their cliques compared to meeting new people. I see this in hash runs, classes, yoga, gaming lounge, etc (got the idea from u/recyclablebanthas .). People there only talk to those they knew beforehand and rarely make friends IN the events/classes/lounges.

You're ridiculous. You didn't try this idea at all. I suggested ideas for groups that are specifically organized in ways that lead to socializing.

Yoga. I didn't mention this at ALL. For a reason; it's more of a solitary thing, really. Everyone is in their own world.
Gaming lounge? WTF. NO. I never suggested that.
Hash run? Yes, I mentioned this, but it doesn't sound as if you have you ACTUALLY been on one I'd be surprised because they love teasing people so much and making a big deal out of when new people show up. Some of the friendliest people I've been around. The only way you could have gone to one and NOT met a bunch of people is if you tried really hard and maybe left in the middle of the event or something like that.
Social partner dancing. You ignored this and it's the best fucking thing on that list of suggestions I always drop around here.
Couchsurfing. Ignored also, for no reason.

Seriously, I'm glad if you consider what I suggest, but don't misrepresent it as if you tried what I suggested. You have a brain. I KNOW you're smart. You should be the one calling bullshit on this. Come on; don't insult your own intelligence.

And don't distort my suggestion as you have done.

___1___

I saw my female friend (who I had a crush on) and she was talking on the phone. I kept thinking if she was talking to ....

So what you do immediately is catch yourself as you're thinking these thoughts and go DO something else. Or squash the thoughts by thinking about something nice in your life, or by thinking about logical things like how this girl is pretty much disqualifying herself by dating another guy who isn't you. If it were worth thinking this much about her, she'd actually be available. Think about it.

Life is short. There are so many impossible things you could be thinking about. Why do that when there are still things in the realm of the possible that aren't going to happen if you're focused on bullshit like who this one girl with bad taste is talking to.

___2___

I also wanted to approach this cute sorority girl in my class and she left before I did, and I got nervous at the thought of approaching and presenting myself in the best light. And finding the words that’ll get her to go on a date and even get either of them in bed.

Oh good lord. You're in college. So do you focus your energy and thoughts right now, on a job interview you're going to have, post-graduation? Well, why the fuck NOT? I'm sure there will be an important interview or two in the future. So why not worry about those too, if you're going to worry about the future like this?

Calm the eff down and take a breath, man. You're all worried about getting a girl in bed when you haven't said anything to her yet, right? How about this? Maybe she might turn out to be fucking lame as shit. What then? You wasted all this energy and beat yourself up over nothing.

As for how to approach these girls, you're choosing the most fucking stressful way to go about this. Just start conversations with people around you and have some fun with it. Open easy people to talk to. Maybe even...... people who are near the sorority girl.

If you're having a good interaction with people, others will be drawn in. Or they'll show the same lack of interest that you would have found out if you had approached them directly. That's the thing. It's not about doing some perfect thing. It's about socializing and providing excuses for people who show their interest or disinterest.

___3___

How do I stop being insecure and jealous? I never had a girlfriend or sex before at 20 and I always tell myself that it’ll get harder after college.

Well, if you tell yourself that, it must be true.

Look man, you choose your own narrative. I used to be like you when I was in college. I fucked myself out of a WHOLE lot of fun. But along the way, I accidentally joined some social circle stuff. The social partner dancing. And it kind of made a man out of me. That and my persistence in working on the core skills involved.

And as it turned out, I have had increasingly better and better options the further I've gotten from those college years.

So please, tell that negative voice in your head to go suck it. I'll do the same in my own head.

___4___

To cope with my lack of success with women, I have been getting into gaming much more than usual.

.... WTF. You're all, social circles don't work. But you haven't fucking TRIED social circles. You went to a yoga class, which is solitary. You thought about going to a hash run but hid in a corner, or left early. And you supplemented that with....... going to "gaming lounges?!"

If you are half as frustrated as I feel right now about the way you're misusing and ignoring advice, well that must suck.

I joke a little, but seriously, I've been where you are, roughly. You really have to get your ass out the door. Two-pronged attack. Activities; move your body. And attack your negative thoughts internally. All the counter-arguments I've been supplying, keep them in mind and use them against the negative self-talk you have in your head.

Pureevil1992 · 2017-11-16T13:17:07+00:00

You've got to stop worrying about the outcome. Don't go talk to the girl trying to win her over. If anything go in with the mindset that she needs to win you, you're putting women on a pedestal based entirely on their looks. Which most likely means your just objectifing them, you're going to have to decide that her just being pretty isn't enough, and once you meet enough of them you'll see that it's not anyways, a woman looking good does not make her a nice, fun person.

flashgordon_12 · 2017-11-16T13:29:05+00:00

There is a lot to unpack here. I would focus on one thing at a time to keep things manageable/prevent you from getting overwhelmed.

1) You need to put a hard limit on the number of hours you are gaming. You/your parents/someone is paying money for you to be in university. Don't skip class. When I was in your shoes, I would calculate how much each class I skipped cost (it wasn't pretty). Even if you are on a full scholarship, you are still paying with your time. Plus, you have way more chances to be social in class than while gaming.

2) What's your social circle like? What groups are you involved in? What do you do for fun besides gaming? What's the guy/girl ratio like in your social circles? Women aren't anything special, they're just people. To internalize this, you need to be comfortable being around people in general.

3) You are caught up on the end goal too much. Sex is just the natural progression of two people that are into each other. Focus on getting a date with a girl first. Then focus on having a good time while on that date. Then focus on reading her body language and trying for the kiss. Maybe you bomb, maybe you don't. If you do, just pick yourself back up and repeat with another girl. Get comfortable with each of the smaller steps before you even think about sex.

You'll get there.

zerolifez · 2017-11-16T13:58:44+00:00

Do you know that you can be a gamer and still get laid? Don't use that as an excuse, man needs a hobby and gaming is completely fine. In fact if you can talk about it with passion girls will think that you're interesting.

Now for the tips, socialize. On class sit nowhere near your usual friend and try to talk to anybody near you. It doesn't even have to be a girl. Just get use to talk with people.

And don't be scared of rejection. See that cute girl? Talk to her. If she's not interested then go talk to other cute girl. No matter what there's no guarantee that you will succeed and that's completely fine.

Good luck to you.

Title	How do I step my game up, stop being jealous/insecure, cure my gaming addiction and learn how to take women out on a date without shying away?
Author	junyarush
Upvotes	6
Comments	9
Date	November 16, 2017 9:50 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7dbehn/how_do_i_step_my_game_up_stop_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-step-my-game-up-stop-being.1436937 https://theredarchive.com/post/1436937

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