How did you find your 'boys'?

mostlyart · 2018-02-21T22:31:58+00:00

Honestly, it's not about finding guys to be your wingmen, it's about finding better friends. They sound childish af. You can stay friends with them but simply don't bring them around women you're interested in. Just keep meeting people and eventually you'll find some that act similar to how you are with your friends to you

jewfro667 · 2018-02-22T00:05:20+00:00

Yeah you need better friends dude. Friends don’t talk down to other friends.

7mile_ · 2018-02-22T00:53:35+00:00

Solo is better than having shitty wings

gregguitarist · 2018-02-22T14:03:43+00:00

My best friend growing up, he drove out to my college to visit and at that frat party that night wingmanned me so fucking hard “hey AnonCollegeGirl, are you a lesbian?” “No” “Prove it, make out with GregGuitarist” And I knew I had chosen the right best friend

recyclablebanthas · 2018-02-22T04:47:07+00:00

1

i haven't seen a post about meeting the guys you go out with and how you learned to trust them.

First off, you're better off simply making or finding mixed social circles with men and women in them. Find circles that revolve around an activity that's not simply hooking up, because sex is great but a full life is more than pursuit of sex and nutting.

There are a host of activities that groups organize around, like rock-climbing, social partner dancing (salsa, argentine tango, lindy hop, west coast swing), couchsurfing, etc. Facebook also lists groups and events you can browse in your area.

Social circles aren't necessarily the venue to go for tons of new sex partners, but socializing like this does give you a normal way to discover other guys you can trust or that you share values with. (And if you ever plan on settling down, your options are better for settling down with women from social circles.)

2

Basically if i go out somewhere and i point out a girl i find attractive, they'll say stuff like "she's out of you league", or "you're not gonna talk to her" or (my favorite) 'Why do you have such high standards for no reason".

Obviously, you're not describing friends here. You're describing frenemies. NO one who is a "friend" should be reacting like this when you express interest in someone.

Bear in mind, that the other side of the coin here is that their reaction may be due to them not being so hyped up about meeting new girls and getting annoyed by the mismatch between your values and theirs. Which again, means that you're not with a "friend." You're with an acquaintance who might be fun in a certain situation, but you're insisting on cramming them into a friend category that they don't fit into.

3

I started going out solo and meeting women from Facebook but i live in a really small place so i will always run into someone i know.

Meeting women from Facebook, no.

If you're talking about a dating app like Tinder, etc., then the expectation is there that strangers are going to communicate with each other to try to meet up. Having a stranger communicate with you via FB is like having a stranger randomly call you on the phone; you're starting off with an unnecessary uphill battle.

Just because you may not have other options, does not magically make approaching strangers via FB a viable option for meeting people. If you're really having a difficult time meeting people in real life, PM me with your location and I'll see if we can't come up with some new options or places you might not have considered.

4

Even if we don't talk on a regular basis, they will come up and suddenly be my best friend, but you can tell they always direct the conversation away from me and towards them.

Couple things here:

You're not describing friends, obviously.
You are possibly describing a situation where, if they know the girl already, they are being non-verbally called in to bail them out if your approach and overall method is not going over well.
Conversation towards them or you, is wrong and a missed opportunity. You shouldn't be directing the conversation towards yourself unless you want to get blown out. If you want the best chance to get the girl invested in the conversation, you get her talking about herself or make sure to leave space for her to speak on whatever the topic is, which shouldn't ever be dominated by you.

5

And i feel like women don't notice what's happening so i'll look like the ass telling the to fuck off.

They're not stupid. They know full well what's happening. If another guy walks up and they go with it and shift over to that guy, it's because they didn't want to talk to you. This shit shouldn't require any forcing.

If you're handling your end of things well, then the girl will be holding up her end of the interaction and it will almost seem easy.

Example of my friends: Once i went out to dinner with a girl i was into and 2 other friends. I went to the bathroom and when i came back one of them had switched seats so i was furthest away from the girl i invited.

Couple more things here:

If you invited her with a group, then that wasn't a one on one thing, it was a GROUP interaction. Which means that your priority should have been on the group anyway. If you had wanted a one on one thing where you didn't have to possibly deal with shit like that, you should have invited her out, one on one.
If that girl didn't protest about the guy taking your seat and just went with it, then she was an accessory to what happened. If she were interested, she would have made space for you in some way or found her way back to be close to you. Girls aren't mannequins who take no action on their own.

6

it's doubtful that i will ever have a well oiled wingman machine where we've got signals, and call signs and all that, but i would just like to find a group of guys who like's to go out and meet girls without stepping on each others toes.

Completely unnecessary to have a "well-oiled wingman machine" with "signals" and all that. If you develop your social skills well enough, the GIRL will be better than any wingman.

If she's into it, SHE will block out other guys and come back to you like a boomerang.

If no girl is doing that currently, then you're likely forcing it too much and not leaving them room to express their own desire, which squelches any desire before it develops.

Twobithatter · 2018-02-22T00:00:42+00:00

I’ve had this same question on my mind for awhile now. I’ve had the same childhood friends but just like yours there not good wingman nor do they try to be. I’ve thought of cutting them off but I have to find a better group first or else I’ll be solo in everything.

sednovice · 2018-02-22T06:26:22+00:00

I have awesome friends but they wouldnt make the best wingmen, I rather it solo

ancientkillerX · 2018-02-22T17:03:08+00:00

Try getting a few female friends to wingman for you.

This works best in my experience.

Franklins_ghost · 2018-02-22T03:39:11+00:00

You're a good guy, right? Right. I'm glad to hear that you are willing to support a brother like you described, because that is what friendship is. Your companions just aren't returning the sentiment to you. So it sounds like you need some better friends.

Big question here: Are you in high school, or college? In college there is infinitely more possibility for friendship, but it takes time and effort to find the right people.

goldgibbon · 2018-02-22T07:51:28+00:00

To me, it sounds like you need to find more and better friends. That way when you want to go out, you'll have a wider pool of friends to choose from to go out with. You'll also just have a ton of more opportunities for things to do with a wider pool of friends.

Just go find ways to meet new friends (guys and girls) and then invite them to do something. Eventually you'll develop lots of new friendships.

You can easily go from having five people who think you're a great guy and invite you to do stuff to having fifty people who think you're a great guy and invite you to do stuff, if you put effort into it.

khaled1abdo · 2018-02-22T08:50:02+00:00

A guru friend once told me to move the set,ex. In such situation he probably would have went to the girl told her come i will show you something very cool, took her hand and moved to another table or smt. It doesn't matter what she sees show her the sky, ceiling, floor pattern. Just take her to one on one.

filiprad2000 · 2018-02-22T10:23:26+00:00

Where are you from? Im also looking for a good wingman, and you seem good. Im from Austria

TruthSFree · 2018-02-22T12:41:07+00:00

Your friends want you to do well, but never better than them. It's instinctive, they can't help it. Which is why Winging, knowing how to Wing, and teaching your friends how to wing is so important.https://www.truthrelationshipmanagement.com/new-blog/2017/12/1/burn-notice-or-why-knowing-how-to-create-a-wing-is-the-best-thing-you-can-learn?rq=winging

tab13092 · 2018-02-22T18:50:11+00:00

I mean, honestly if these guys are dickheads then why are you still friends with them?

Part of building yourself up as a person is cutting out the toxicity that is around you; be it drama, shitty relationships, shitty job, people etc.

That even includes "your boys"

I personally just asses my friendships if I feel my personal needs (in this case having buddies who hype you up, instill positive feedback) arn't being met, while also keeping those needs in check if they're realistic or not.

My advice, keeps your friends but don't put any more effort in to them then they do you. They're still your friends at the end of the day, but no need in wasting your energy in them when you could funnel it back in to yourself (or other friends that put for effort)

tony18215 · 2018-02-22T02:06:01+00:00

I used to be like you but gave up on finding wingmen years ago. I was like lets see how I do solo and never looked back.I just dont wanna rely on someone else or have them drag me down. I also dont gt along with guys alot either because most I meet are druggies,assholes,or super perverted and weird.Shit one guy at a club asked if he could be my wingman and watch me bang ...I didnt know who tf he was,and he had the balls to ask me this. Overall I learned how to dress nice and sweet talk women at clubs and how to get them turned on...So maybe you should adapt to the solo game for now and make the best out of it..

Title	How did you find your 'boys'?
Author	Mysterymansoso
Upvotes	13
Comments	23
Date	February 21, 2018 10:21 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7z9nqu/how_did_you_find_your_boys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-did-you-find-your-boys.1442081 https://theredarchive.com/post/1442081

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