Background: I have been married for 3 years with no kids. During these 3 years i was quite BP where i got riled up from all shit tests and things became worse and worse. I have now found TRP and working on implementing it. Wife's dad was the biggest beta i have ever seen. The daughters (one of them being my wife) were always told that they have the best relationship and they discuss everything before making ANY decision. The only part my wife understands is that her dad discusses with her mom before making any decision and i really mean ANY. (And by discussion, he does what she wishes) So, as far as my wife goes, complete beta is how normal husbands are.

Situation: Few days ago, one of our friends invites us and my brother and SIL (sister in law) to a party they are hosting this coming weekend. My wife is super insecure and believes that i listen to my side of the family more and not her. (not true).

Today she said that even though I decided to have my brother and SIL join us at the party, she didnt want that because lately she have been around family too much (She has actually been a lot around her family and tired of it and just wants to not be around any family. And if we didnt want my brother and SIL we could have simply not forwarded our friend's invitation to my brother). She said, next time you should ASK me before you decide on whether your brother and SIL will join us at a party or not. (The husband should ASK as her dad does). Now this is a big issue between the two of us. My wife wants to be involved in most of the decision making (because in her world that's how husband wife relationship works). And its not a matter of getting her involved. Even though she says she wants her opinion to be considered in decision making but in reality I should not make decisions that she doesn't like is her deep down desire. The problem i have with this request/demand of hers is that its her way of life. Deep down in her heart she wants me to be like her dad who only does what her mom says. The problem with my refusal to agree with her request is that she feels she is not my priority because i refused to check in with her on everything and that makes her even more rebellious.

So today when we were out to get dinner this is how the conversation went.

Me: "Ask you?" .. (I made a face like she asked me move a mountain. I didnt get riled up but i should have maintained better frame).
Her: "Yeah, why is it such a big deal to ask me"
Me: "I am happy to discuss with you but i am not going to ask you."
Her: "Why is your ego coming in between. Why cant you say you will ask me. Why did you make such a face?"
Me: "I felt it was bizarre for you to say that i should ask you so i had that expression"
Her: "Whats so bizarre? Its not bizarre to ask your spouse"
Me: "Look honey I am happy to discuss with you but I just cannot ask you such things"
Her:"I know for a fact that my husband would never care about what i wish. He would simply care about what his side of the family wants"
Me: "Thats not true. The other day at this other party, you didn't want them to join us and I didn't invite them. Even today I said I don't expect them to join us at every party. But I can't ask you when they would and when they would not."
Her:"Of course, you are going to make that decision. My choice doesn't matter" [She was super pissed at this point that she can't be making the decision]
Me: "See, I live with you as a partner. You are not my mom. I don't need your permission to make a decision."
Her: "Asking someone is not something you only do with your parents. You can ask me things too. Like how i asked you if you want to go out for dinner tonight."
Me: "Yeah If you want to do something with me then ofcourse you are going to have to ask me if i want to do that or not"
Her: (now she goes on to the next thought) "So that means i should never care about what you wish or not. I should simply do whatever i want to do. I should never ask you anything?"
Me: At this point I was confused on how to reply to her question. I can't say yeah do whatever you want.. So i didn't respond to end the topic." But what should i have said ?
Her: But since she wasn't winning anything here and i wasn't getting riled up, she told me that she won't join me to the party and i can simply enjoy with my brother and SIL

We got back home from dinner and she went to sleep.

I want to address this tomorrow in a way that she stops wanting that i ASK her everytime she is uncomfortable with a decision. It will be nice if she could see that her dad is a total pussy and no one wants a man like that. I also don't want her feel that i am a lose canon and I will do whatever i want and she is not a priority in my life (because that's how she feels. Its not true. I do numerous things that she wishes but she is so insecure that one such instance can make her feel this way)

UPDATE: Please don't suggest divorce etc. Its a legit option and it might happen some day. For now, I want to use this opportunity to improve on myself and my lack of diplomatic communication skills.