Expressing interest then ignoring you? Shit test?

SimplePickup5 · 2018-05-20T12:38:19+00:00

She just wants attention. As soon as she gets it she loses interest. When you're distant she wants you. With this type of girl (even though they usually suck), you have to just not give a fuck at all. Getting excited when she gives you attention again is sure to fail.

I'm also going to guess you're 18, or whatever the minimum drinking age in your location is: 19, 20, 21. Don't ask how I knew ;)

Torabor64 · 2018-05-20T14:09:11+00:00

Why would you want to be with the kind of girl that does this shit anyway?

WIA20XX · 2018-05-20T15:02:19+00:00

Fairly common behavior.

She is using you for two things.
1) Validation/attention.

2) Social ladder. You are her way to get into conversations with people that she really wants to talk to.

It's not personal, it is probably not even conscious. (Which is somewhat depressing as you're not really in her radar)

But many girls get some sort of emotional charge from chatting/socializing.

Ultimately she wants the conversation to be around her. That's why when you tried to relate to her with your own experience on the same topic, it really didn't mean much.

That is the basic social dynamic. Attention whore is doing whatever she can to get that attention and feel validated.

From a straight up game perspective,

You tried to seek rapport with a chick before you got attraction.
You tried to seek rapport with a girl not really looking for it.
Your read of the situation hinges on what you expect to be normal/polite/reciprocating behavior.

You're not in Kansas anymore. Social and sexual dynamics are full of self interested people, who are illogical, irrational, risk averse and loss averse.

The way to have played this at the time, was you

recognize the behavior
recognize that your one on one interaction wasn't working.
use the thing she wants to your advantage, by being the gatekeeper. She has to comply with you in order to get what she wants, the way she wants it.

and do one of two things.

deny her your attention, and the attention of the group. Ignore her, back turn, change the topic of conversation, move the group (physically)

Or

put her on the spot, and gather the attention of the group and focus it on her and her "weird" behavior.

Is she always like this?

C'mon "appropriate nickname", why you just lurking in the background like a creeper?

Whatever the girl says, the content never matters, but her delivery and emotions become the topic of conversation.

Are you always this animated?

This is how girls deal with other girls, how politicians deal with other pols. It's never the message, it's the messenger.

Now that you've established power, you can release her from the tension.

But right now,, you're not valuable. She sees no value and acts accordingly.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-05-20T13:20:56+00:00

____1____

She was telling me how she likes to roller skate and i tried to mention the last time i went skating and she just like kept walking and started talking to someone else.

Couple things here:

The common reflex is to automatically relate whatever someone says, to ourselves. This reflex, fucks us pretty often.
It's very possible that you trying to tell that story, just didn't go over well.
What would have gone better would have been you taking what she said and asking a follow up about it. Like where she likes to roller skate, etc.

Honestly, a small tweak would lead to far better results. To sum up: focus on:

Actively listening to the other person in conversation
And using what they say to inform a follow up that digs deeper into her motivations, emotions, or character traits.

____2____

....she just like kept walking and started talking to someone else.....How should i react?

On the other hand, this does seem extremely harsh and manipulative. She isn't worth trying to figure out, really.

tab13092 · 2018-05-21T14:41:49+00:00

Can i redeem myself?

Seeking redemption usually only works if there's something to redeem.

Seems like you're putting way too much thought in to this one conversation attempt with this one girl.

Did you show any signs of interest past just making conversation? Very well, she could have either been seeking attention or simply just making conversation as she was with everyone else.

Honestly, there's little context to go on but based on the fact she was talking with all kinds of other people I assume you figured she was interested simply because she was making conversation with you.

Best advice I can offer is try to seclude/escalate next time, and don't overthink too much. Reflecting after an interaction to see what you did right/wrong and where you can improve is healthy, constantly wondering about someone's intentions without any other observation isn't.

Best of luck.

mrrooftops · 2018-05-20T12:17:50+00:00

you've failed already. move on

Title	Expressing interest then ignoring you? Shit test?
Author	idontdrinksoda42
Upvotes	8
Comments	26
Date	May 20, 2018 11:59 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8ks6ck/expressing_interest_then_ignoring_you_shit_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/expressing-interest-then-ignoring-you-shit-test.1446912 https://theredarchive.com/post/1446912

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