I did a challenge a little while back called ‘Singing with Strangers!’ which was exactly what it sounds like. Every day I headed out to approach strangers and ask them to sing with me on camera. And you know what? Every day I went through a massive range of emotions from fear, to nervousness, insecurity, excitement, embarrassment, fun, laughter and everything else in-between. But you know something else? I still managed to rack up 50 1 minute episodes of myself singing with different strangers which is something I’m honestly proud of myself for.

In any event, there’s a few things that I learned about people, confidence and rejection when I embarked upon this crazy endeavour and I’m going to share them with you right now.

But before I start I wanna say that I did this challenge to become more confident with women. Approaching strangers and asking them to sing with you on camera is a highly unusual thing to do that activates the same social fears as approaching a hot girl for her number but I did it because I wanted to do something so hard that romantic rejection would feel like nothing. And it worked too because I’ve never been the same person since I did this challenge. My confidence and charisma skyrocketed because of it and it made me much more attractive to girls. Anyway, like I said I’m now gonna show you the 6 things I learned by approaching and singing with 50 strangers in the street.

  1 - It’s silly to take rejection personally

Now fair enough I already knew this before I started, but it still was thrust into my face repeatedly during this challenge. When I went out and asked people to sing with me, maybe 15% or 20% of them say yes, but the vast majority say no. If I took those rejections personally and was too scared to keep going then I wouldn’t have the great experiences that I had with the people who said yes.

Singing Bon Jovi with a guy & girl

2 - Just because someone says no doesn’t mean they hate you

When I first started singing with strangers I assumed that everyone who said no did so because they thought I was an idiot, a joke, and a loser. I thought they were all like “You want me to what?? Errrrmmm nahh, get out of my face you dork!” But that was just all in my head.  My eyes were properly opened when I spoke to a girl a few weeks back who categorically said:

I’m sorry but I’m not that kind of person. What you’re asking me to do is outside of my comfort zone and I’m too scared to do it.

But guess what? That’s most people! Most are terrified to do anything that forces them to step outside the slim bubble of comfort they ensconce themselves in. Putting myself out there and having someone reject me didn’t mean they thought I was a loser. They were probably just scared.

Singing California Love with Mirella & Jack

3 - Even if they do hate you, it doesn’t matter

Of all the couple hundred or so people that I asked to belt out Whitney Houston with me on the street, for damn sure a significant percentage of them thought I was a raving lunatic; but so what? Am I dead? Don’t think so. Have I been humiliated and ostracised from society? Not to my knowledge. Do I have any impending class action law suits coming my way? Not that I’m aware of. The opinions of those people just didn’t really matter in the long run. Once they said no, I walked away, got on with my life and left them to do the same. Simple. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that opinions are like assholes? Well there’s a lot of truth to that:

PS

They say that the reason we humans care about rejection is because back when we lived in tribes of 120 or so, being rejected by the group meant having to survive out on our own and literal death. It’s something that simply doesn’t apply today but the instinct to avoid social rejection at all costs is still hardwired into our genes. That doesn’t mean we have to bow down to it though. We can overcome it.

4 - There’s absolutely nothing to fear

This runs on from the last point but seriously, what is there to fear today? Most people reading this article live cushier lives than 99% of human beings who have ever existed since the dawn of time. To be honest, most of the things that we get nervous about aren’t really important and are just overblown nightmarish fantasies we’ve concocted in our own brains.

If you ask a stranger to sing with you they’ll either say yes or say no, but you’re quite unlikely to find yourself in a fistfight. Same as if you sweet talk that sexy stranger at the bar, press your boss for that raise, or tell your friends the truth about how you really feel instead of just going along with the group for fear of being different. Nothing remotely bad happened to me as a result of doing this project. It was been nothing but pure, unbridled positivity.

5 - People are just looking for permission to enjoy themselves

When people are walking down the street they tend to look uninterested and unapproachable but you’ll be surprised at how often they’ll completely brighten up once you say hello. I lost count of the amount of times I told someone I wanted them to sing with me and they’ve said:

What??? Really?? Me and you???? OK let’s do it!” What are we singing!!?

But then there’s also the other types too. These are the humans who are shy and nervous at first but then once the camera starts rolling will dive into their performances like it was their life’s mission. But what does all this mean? It means that people are generally looking for someone to give them an excuse to have fun and enjoy themselves and there’s no reason why you can’t be that person.

Have you ever seen that video where one guy dancing on his own at a festival inspires a massive crowd of people to join in with him? They all wanted to dance but they were too scared to do it until someone told them it was OK. That’s what people are like! It’s a huge metaphor for life!

Singing Rihanna with Lucy

6 - It doesn’t take much to brighten someone’s day

Like I said before, most people are so scared of letting go around other people that they walk around in public with armed with psychic shields to guard their hearts from the world at large. But as bad as that is, it does have a plus side which is beneficial for me and you, which is that the fact that everyone does that it means it’s easy as hell to brighten someone’s day and be memorable. Standing out from the crowd is a doddle when said crowd is full of disinterested and unfriendly people.

Singing All The Single Ladies with 3 peeps

Now does all the above mean that you have to go out and ask people to rap battle you in the streets? Not really, but it might be fun if you did. What it does suggest though is that maybe you might want to try starting up conversations on the bus, tube, in the coffee shop or wherever. It does suggest that if you see someone who’s wearing an awesome pair of shoes that maybe you should just let them know how much you appreciate their fashion sense and leave them floating on a nice little dopamine high that costs you nothing to provide. It suggests that you have absolutely nothing to fear from approaching that girl in the cafeteria and seeing what happens or going in for the first kiss on a date. It also suggests that maybe, just maybe, you should get out of your own way, realise how awesome you are, know what you bring to the table as a person and step the fuck out of your comfort zone.

Because as I said before, you’ve got nothing to fear.

Ciao for now, humans.

Excelsior!

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