At what stage of dating (if at all) is it acceptable to ask her to be your girlfriend?

recyclablebanthas · 2019-03-14T03:57:50+00:00

1

I've been dating a girl for just over 3 months. We established mutual exclusivity a month ago and effectively act like a couple. See each other 2-3 times a week (probably less than your average couple but we're both pretty busy and independent so it suits us), have sex, go on dates, hold hands in public, etc. She never flakes, always reply quickly, etc.

To be quite clear, if you're seeing someone more than once every 8 days or so, you're crossing the line already and heading (intentionally or not) towards more intimacy.

PDAs? Check.

Mutual exclusivity? Check.

You're already basically BF and GF now. That's what being exclusive basically is.

2

From what I've seen here, the general opinion is that anything other than the girl asking the guy is needy.

What you're reading as "the general opinion," is the impression you've picked up from reading the fear based comments posted by newbs here. And comments written by guys who are specializing in casual encounters where anything too emotionally intimate is avoided or side-stepped.

Suffice to say, it's fucking ridiculous to say that it's only needy if the guy asks. Plenty of girls or guys can be needy, if they are trying to force a commitment with someone who they aren't bothering to read enough to know where they're at.

Don't be silly. You can ask. It's not inherently needy.

3

I'd probably go direct and say something like "are you at the stage where you're ready to be call ourselves bf and gf?".

You're making this way too complicated. If you want to hammer this one detail out, it's perfectly fine. It's fine to want to know if it's the thing it already is.

Just don't make a big deal out of it. You don't need some big wind-up or segue if you bring it up. But you should be alone, like at your place or hers, at a calm time. Then you casually, in a matter of fact way, say something like, "You're kind of like a GF....." Or, "Silly question, are you my GF?"

She'll respond.

Done.

4

// If you are already behaving like a bf and gf then why change anything?

Because it's a small, but often important thing, and if you feel uncertainty about it, she might, too. This is just healthy communication, hammering out something this basic.

Your need for labels stems from you needing to have control and certainty, which you can never truly have.

Wanting to know what the relationship status is, when it's been sidestepped into like this, is not about some pathological need for control or certainty.

It's perfectly healthy to hash out the terms of what the relationship is. And it's perfectly normal to want some confusion cleared up when one has spent a lot of time recently, navigating casual sex encounters where too many things go unsaid and then it often evaporates out of nowhere.

If she doesn't want it, she'll let you know, but she seems to be on the same page.... so it won't be a big deal to spend 30 seconds.

2019-03-13T21:00:58+00:00

If you are already behaving like a bf and gf then why change anything? Your need for labels stems from you needing to have control and certainty, which you can never truly have. Even a label wouldn’t make her permanently. yours. Just enjoy

stop-grass-genocide · 2019-03-13T21:42:25+00:00

I mean why does the label even matter. Nothing really changes either way.

WildinCuzImYoung · 2019-03-13T21:57:16+00:00

Bf gf is exclusivity. When you both like each other to the point where you dont want a side man or woman fucking your relationship up.

NDragneel · 2019-03-13T21:00:28+00:00

You should ask her at this point, in fact after like 6 or 7 dates you should be fine asking (assuming you had sex at this point and have a good chemistry).

Kaleidosmoke · 2019-03-13T23:27:22+00:00

Honestly it sounds like you guys are already there. Just ask, it’ll probably transition easier than you think. Just more “official”.

Sheroclan · 2019-03-14T03:00:36+00:00

I mean is there really a difference between exclusive-ness and gf/bf? You're already clearly a couple, so I doubt she'd care if you called her your girlfriend.

My girl and I used it as a label for other people. It changes fuck all in the relationship

VIGILANCE981 · 2019-03-14T04:37:33+00:00

It comes naturally you to decide your good for each other and it work you dont ask you do it . Its not a movie

Title	At what stage of dating (if at all) is it acceptable to ask her to be your girlfriend?
Author	84throwaway21
Upvotes	6
Comments	8
Date	March 13, 2019 8:04 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/b0qm3o/at_what_stage_of_dating_if_at_all_is_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/at-what-stage-of-dating-if-at-all-is-it-acceptable.1464293 https://theredarchive.com/post/1464293

Comments