When we first got married 7 years ago, I had just started graduate school and I was in great shape from martial arts. Sex was daily and she initiated half the time. 7 years later, I'm 20 pounds overweight and stressed out from grad school. The last time she initiated sex was at Christmas when we got a few thousand dollars from my mom as a gift and I took her on a trip. When I try to initiate, she's totally cold and nothing happens except she pokes or rubs my belly. On days when I talk about graduating and getting a high paying job, then she sometimes warms up and lets me initiate.

Conversations that she initiates always involve us saving for retirement, how many years after I start working until we can be millionaires, when will I graduate and start my career, etc. Other popular topics include me losing weight and me not talking to my undergrad friends anymore because it's a waste of time that I could be using on my career. I make $2k a month as a teaching assistant working 20 hours a week on top of taking classes and doing research.

Note that in the last 7 years she's made a grand total of maybe $2000 in income, which is offset by her studying biology at community college for 5 semesters and the university for a single semester twice, for a total of 7 semesters in 7 years. She was going to be a Dentist for their high salary but decided she hates biology. She no longer does much housework because her neck hurts out of stress about me not graduating and her not going to dental school.

I could have graduated already a year ago, but I feel like I've lost my mojo. I had laser focus on work when I came to grad school, now I waste hours browsing reddit and playing computer games in my office. Do I really want to be this woman's ATM for her retirement? If I start a high paying job, won't that mean I have to pay her a bunch of money every month in the case of a divorce? Or should I do what she wants and get back in shape and push hard on my career, which I know will make her as affectionate as when we were first married? After reading this sub for a few days, I feel like I've regressed from alpha to beta and that's why my wife's behavior has changed so much. But I don't want to put in the hard work of becoming alpha again for her after the way she's treated me as a beta.