Becoming more objective/detached to criticism

[deleted] · 2015-03-25T17:10:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

mtjay · 2015-03-26T00:48:35+00:00

Parents, this is why you should never tell your kids that they're special. They grow an identity out of it, and then when the world shows them they're not special 20 years later, they crash and burn. No kid should be pressured to be anything.

fnordsnord · 2015-03-25T17:08:02+00:00

I can identify. Schoolwork was always easy. I got nothing but praise until high school, and mostly even then. So, of course, my college performance was weak and to this day I do not take criticism well.

Treat it like rejection: it is your lot in life to be criticized. Embrace it. Open yourself to it often until you get callouses on your criticism-feels.

swoleo_dicaprio · 2015-03-25T17:32:43+00:00

I've worked in and around startups for years, and watched how their design teams deal with criticism from product owners / technologists. Basically there are two strategies: 1) have a hypothesis and 2) show your work early and often. The hypothesis thing is best explained by Frank Chimera in his book "the shape of design," but basically it means having a clear understanding of the message your work is sending. While great execution is obviously the end goal, bringing the work's message into view is the purpose of each iteration and improvement. The more often you show your work to people, the more opportunities you get to see if they're getting the message you want them to get. When you focus on the fundamentals of any creative effort, you won't mind hearing suggestions about the details, because your vision is already clear; if the suggestions fit then great, and you adopt them. If not, then you disregard.

rptastic · 2015-03-25T16:26:58+00:00

In a negotiation, if the first offer is accepted, both parties will feel bad:

The asker, because they'll feel like they should have asked for more if their offer was so easily accepted.

The giver, because they'll feel like they offered too much, if their offer was so easily accepted.

Start to see your feedback that way. Invert your relationship with it. Instead of seeing perfection as the goal, view it with suspicion. If there is nothing to improve in your creative work, you're not looking hard enough.

I've come from a similar place with writing. I used to crank something out and call it good. Then I became aware of just how much better my writing is after the 1st rewrite. And the 2nd, and the 3rd...

I don't consider something polished now until it has gone though seven rewrites.

Not everything deserves that level of effort, of course, (like this response) but start thinking of your work that way. Your first submission is a draft of your finished work. Expect to revise it multiple times until it is at a level you associate with greatness.

If you're only asked to revise it once or twice, take that as a sign that the recipient is comfortable with less than your best efforts.

jdoe5 · 2015-03-25T16:18:29+00:00

Don't take it personally. People who are offended by criticism usually are taking it as an attack on their person rather than an attack on on action or habit. Think about it; when you criticize someone, are you trying to insult their whole person, or just point out one problem for them to fix?

"What someone says about you says more about them than it does about you"

"We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions"

Those two quotes helped me with the same problem. Hope it helps you too.

Shadowmat · 2015-03-26T02:32:58+00:00

Instead of using logic and reason to analyze the situation, you're using your emotions.

If your own self-evaluation was correct, you would already be aware of any potential criticisms that could possibly come up.

Take a long hard look at yourself and your skillset, analyze them honestly as if you were to look at someone else. Be completely honest with yourself.

This will allow you to see exactly where you need to improve, which should make any criticism anyone can bring up something that you're already conscious of.

If criticism affects you as much as you claim it does, you're delusional to the point where you overestimate your own skills and abilities. Its as if you think you've already perfected your skills and abilities, and then when these people criticise you, it shatters the delusion of this level of skill you think you had.

Basically keep it real man. If you had a realistic perspective and grip on yourself, this would have NO effect on you, because none of what they say would be news. Stop lying to yourself, Get a grip on the reality of your situation, and frankly stop being a bitch.

Personally I Thrive on constructive criticism, because all I want is to improve myself, my skills and my life. So when I receive legit constructive criticism, I'm able to take it and use it to shed light on things maybe I wasn't even aware of at the time if it is new information to me.

If my workout routine isn't intense enough, I may already know this, but if someone tells me my stance is wrong when working out, then I obviously wasn't aware of it, I make the adjustment, and thank whoever HELPED ME IMPROVE.

Change your perspective on criticism itself, and realize its to help you towards your goals of self improvement, and total awesomeness. I'm also a perfectionist and I hate, loath, flaws. So being able to iron those out of my frame is something I'm always more than glad to do.

Title	Becoming more objective/detached to criticism
Author	undead_keyboard
Upvotes	5
Comments	10
Date	March 25, 2015 4:07 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/309joa/becoming_more_objectivedetached_to_criticism/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/becoming-more-objectivedetached-to-criticism.147334 https://theredarchive.com/post/147334

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