Long time lurker.

Who said outer game is dead?

Mad respect for inner, and they certainly complement each other. All of this is exponentially easier with solid inner game. But new guys long for quick fixes. This isn’t one, but it’s a to-the-point how-to. Because honestly:

While you reflect on vague, broad sounding advice, while you carefully hone your skills over thousands of approaches, while you cultivate your inner you to become a god in perpetual state, sometimes you’ll want a script, someone to take you by the hand and tell you what to do so you don’t have to squezee your brain in front of the girl while worrying about whether worrying will break your state. That would not be me. Instead, it will be this monster, made as some will notice from pieces of Mystery, Style, Savoy, DeAngelo, Maniac High, Tripp, several of the RSD guys and lurking around here, picking the good and dropping the bad to the best of my abilities. Plus five years of my own experience.

So grab its clawed hand.

1-Get ready. Focus on your posture (straight but relaxed, arms uncrossed), breathing (deep and slow), expression (smile, but don’t fake it, rather find something funny around you, about the place or situation, it may take some practice at first) and voice (prepare to talk slowly and clearly, and projecting your voice, this is, talking “for the last row”, visualize it as talking “through” people rather than “at” them, or talking to someone that’s twice as far away from you as the person you want to talk to). Also prepare to make and keep eye contact as soon as you start talking (never before, it’s creepy). Focusing on these practical things will help more with anxiety than any self-affirmation.

2-Approach. This is done by saying an opener, something that she will respond to. It’s no longer 2003, avoid cheesy paragraph long fiction. Almost anything will work as long as it’s not scary, but you should avoid dull things that will get a one word answer too. It has to be striking enough to catch her attention, but not more. No “the voices in my head told me to talk to you” but no “what time is it?”. You can try the latter one if that’s how shy you are, but it’s better to imitate what naturally social people do. Observe them if you’re clueless. “Are you from here/city you’re in?”, “what do you think about X (current event/thing that’s happening then and there/thing they’re showing on the bar tv/song or artist currently playing)?” or even a more direct “cats or dogs?”. Bold but normal. Compliments are great, but never about their body, it’s creepy. Only things they’re wearing (including hairstyle) and things they’re doing (“whoa, I wish I could dance like that”). Bonus tip: do this with guys and girls you don’t find attractive too. You’ll make friends and it won’t be so obvious.

3-Transition. This is the difference between a 5 second interaction and a full conversation. All you have to do is bring up a new topic that’s not directly related to your opener. Essentially, you’re just changing the topic. You can try and do it gradually, but you’d be surprised how often that’s not necessary. Bonus tip: if your mind goes blank, just say two openers in a row (“I love your style”+ “are you from here?”) and done.

4-Break the touch barrier. I know how that sounds. Don’t be afraid. I’m just asking you to shake her hand. If you’re rather young and her response was funny or you found something vaguely in common right away (even same city), a high five is more natural. In some places (Southern Europe, Latin America) kisses on the cheek are acceptable. You can use this moment to get name and tell her yours, but you don’t really need to.

5-Now the trickiest part. You have to impress her, but you can’t be obvious about it. Instead of bragging about what you have or what you’ve achieved, impress her with your personality, by showing how funny or interesting you are. Don’t force it, it’s not X Factor, just show your best side, the traits or skills you enjoy and are proud of (if you have literally nothing to show in a social environment, learn to dance, tell stories, tell jokes or do magic/mentalism tricks, it will serve you in other areas of your life too...or, if in a hurry, run the fucking Cube). Impressing her with how much you know about something is somewhere in the middle; it will work as long as it’s interesting and you’re not pedantic. In case of doubt, say the kind of trivia you would find in a youtube video. And I almost forgot: if she’s with friends, which is common, speak and demonstrate for the whole group; you want to win them over. Bonus tip: you can actually brag about what you have and what you’ve achieved, but only indirectly through stories where it’s not the main focus. Mention your lambo or your medal in passing.

6-You’ll know when you’ve impressed her because she will start trying to impress you back. Allow it. Encourage it. Make questions, find out her skills, hobbies, passions, achievements, goals. Don’t be judgemental, but be demanding (“and what’s the coolest thing you’ve ever done?”). Don’t act impressed out of politeness, but don’t hide it if you’re genuinely so. The harder she tries, the better it’s going.

7-Go a bit deeper. Talk about more important stuff, your dreams, what each wanted to be as a kid. Find out what you have in common. Show a little vulnerabilty. Exchange small secrets. Give her a nickname and/or let her give you one. Open up, just a little bit, and see if she reciprocates. And, very importantly, find out what she’s doing later. If that’s the time you have, ask her for her number so you can continue your conversation (on a date, of course, where you’ll do the rest of steps). If she’s free, next step. Bonus tip: if you had to do the number thing, put a callback joke with either of your nicknames in your first text so she’ll remember you and the connection you two built. Next text ask (propose, no actual questions) for the date. All further texts will be logistics. No long text conversations if she’s not your gf. Save the deep talks for face to face.

8-Whether it’s the same day/night or a date, grab her by the hand and take her somewhere different from where you met her. It doesn’t have to be private (in fact you shouldn’t attempt to take her home so soon), but it has to a) not be crowded and b) be at least somewhat romantic. No back alleys, but it doesn’t need to be the bow of Titanic. A park bench will suffice. There, continue having the same kind of conversation as in the previous step, but at some point, sooner than later, kiss her. In order to avoid her turning her cheek or some other awkward physical rejection, make it obvious that you’re going to kiss her. Don’t pounce from a yard away like a mountain lion. Stare into her eyes, caress her face, pur her hair aside, lean in very slowly. She knows what it means. If she doesn’t want it, she’ll tell you verbally, which is awkward, but much less akward than the alternative.

9-Time to take her home. She needs a reason, so you need a non-sexual “excuse”. You want to show her something. A pet, a painting. You want her to try your X (dish). And yes, the classics like one last drink and watching a movie (maybe on Netflix). Of course, she knows what’s happening. As an alternative, after the kiss you can kiss her again, and again, try some tongue...and if you end up making out, stop, show concern for privacy and offer to go somewhere more secluded where you can continue making out with no one peeking. Bonus tip: on the way there, don’t be in silence. Talk about anything, but don’t be explicit about what you intend to do. If on foot walk hand in hand or with your arm around her if she allows it. Kiss her now and then to keeps things warm. If you’re in the car it’s more difficult to keep her engaged, but you should arrive sooner so it kind of evens out.

10-As soon as you cross the door, start making out. Yes, like in movies. Whatever you wanted to show her can wait until tomorrow. Some recommend to stop touching her and stick to the original plan, sowing doubt in her mind about whether you want to sleep with her, in order to create suspense and further attraction, and then go at it when you’re almost finished. This requires masterful timing in order to prevent things from going cold. Here, and this is rare, you can pick middle ground; start doing whatever you came to do and in the process kiss her more and more passionately each time, building up to it.

11-Deal with resistance. Depending on how vague your defininition of “resistance” is, you will always get some of it. In this situation girls can say ambiguous stuff like “this is crazy”, “I’ve never done this before”, “maybe we should go slower”...while fucking undressing you. Don’t worry. Agree but keep going. The important thing is whether she’s actively cooperating. If she is, all is fine. Is she isn’t, and specially if she shows any physical resistance whatsoever, you must stop inmediately and completely, ideally before the “no” itself comes into being. Turn the lights on if they’re off, get dressed and do something else. Don’t act angry or disappointed, just remove yourself from the situation (without actually leaving, unless it’s her house and she tells you to). Not only does this prevent you from being a creep but it’s also an old technique, the “freeze-out”. If she doesn’t walk out right away, one of two things will happen. She will either go on an explanation about how she needs more dates (you decide if you want to invest more time and effort) or...she will re-iniate the action herself. Ever been offered something and declined it just to want it desesperately as soon as it’s no longer within reach? That’s what we’re going for here. When she re-initiates, don’t goad or tease her about it. Just go on exactly as if it had worked the first time.

12-Fuck. You’ve done all of this because you wanted to fuck. So fuck.