Women like men who make them feel small - Your thoughts?

So I've been thinking a lot of when I've succeeded and/or failed with women, particularly now that I'm in my mid 30s, sober/drug free, and well... honestly struggling to spark attraction organically (i.e. without drugs, alcohol, high energy environments) with women lately. I'm fairly social, am involved in an art group, have (edit had) a decent job in marketing, enjoy intimate theater, am highly charitable and am not horribly ugly (I'm still amazed at the level of girls who've wanted to hook up with me at different stages of my life). I would say, that if I were to critique myself, is that I'm not really that exciting. I live a fairly simple and frugal life, enjoy spending time with friends, gaming, reading, and a whole bunch of typically "nerdy" activities.

In trying to address this issue, one of the ideas I stumbled across in the past year is that women like men who make them "feel small". For me, this makes a lot of sense.

If we look at it from a negative approach, it's why things like negs work. Negs subtly undermine someone's self esteem, which of course has the knock on effect of making them feel small.

From a positive approach, men who are good looking, successful, social and generally have their shit together are naturally going to make women feel small.

There's also other angles to this, such as a physical one, where women are naturally attracted to men who are taller/stronger than they are.

When I think of this concept relative to me, it makes sense that I am struggling. The women I spend most of my time with are mostly my equals. Intellectually, physically, in terms of interests and lifestyle. I currently have nothing to offer that makes them "feel small". This is not to say I don't have admirable qualities (I am often complimented for my kindness to everyone, regardless of whether I know them or not), but I feel that if I were able to develop some sort of characteristic that made women "feel small" I would have more luck with dating.

Thoughts?

[–]rich_god 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwawayaftertoday4 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]rich_god 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheBetterManZA[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]rich_god 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

No my friends are like 6s, and the girls are everywhere from 5 to 10 I guess (but rating appearance is not something you would do to a goddess...)

And by treating them like goddesses I mean they are really caring, they make genuine compliments, they listen a lot, they ask for their consent before touching them, they are curious, they give a lot without expecting anything in return (but boy do they receive), they support them with all their heart even if that means reducing their chance to be with them (like supporting them to strengthen their relationship with their boyfriend or something).

But they do that from a place of self-love, of confidence, of mindfulness, of authenticity. They don't fake it, they are not needy, they are fully happy with their life and see those relationships as a bonus, something amazing to experience. They don't seek validation. That makes them magnetic.

[–]TheBetterManZA[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]rich_god 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TheBetterManZA[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Fair enough. I don't disagree on the sentiment behind what you're saying, but for me, context is key. I had many, many opportunities during my 20s that I failed to capitalise on, and kick myself to this day. If I'd known the things I know now... But yeah, thankfully I was able to figure out a few things in my early 30s.

But yeah, getting back to context. That's why I asked your age. Socio-economic factors also play a huge role. As well as factors such as race (I'm not white, but thankfully I'm culturally very western so once I break the ice it's generally not an issue for me).
And here I gotta admit I poked around your profile a bit. Again, I appreciate the sentiment behind what you're saying, but again, context, context, context! Not sure if your friends are also connected to the poly community, but that's a community that's far more open sexually than most. It also attracts a certain type of woman who yes, is more likely to respond to things the way you describe them. Things like asking whether you can do X or Y are far more normal in those spaces.

And experience has taught me that not every girl wants you to ask. Some girls just want you to move things forward, and they'll stop you when they feel uncomfortable. I have literally leant in to kiss someone, asked for consent, and the mood just popped like a bubble. So yeah, again, your approach is very likely to work in certain spaces, and not so much in others.

Also, not every poly community is the same. I'm actually in the one city in my country which has (had?) a very open poly community, but it's pretty small. And being pretty small it means that most people have connected with each other at some point. Not to mention it got emotionally toxic at some point and has imploded to some degree (I have friends from the local poly scene and went on a few dates with someone from it, who described it as "cultish").

But hey man, if what you're doing works for you, keep at it. I just prefer not to blind myself with overly rose-tinted glasses.

No, attraction doesn’t rely on making people feel small.

Never said it relies on it, but it can be one of the ways to attract someone. Also making someone feel small doesn't necessarily mean you are acting in a way to make them consciously feel small.

For example, do you think most women think they are on Brad Pitt's level? No, of course not. But if Brad Pitt started talking and flirting with them, do you think they would feel like a "goddess" or do you think they would feel "small"? He isn't going out of his way to make them feel small, but he does it indirectly because of the value he offers/is perceived to have.

Treat myself like a King. Done. Work out reasonably regularly. Had a good job but the agency was shifting direction away from my kind of work, so I am seeking new opportunities now. I don't dress expensive, I don't dress fancy or smart, but I have cultivated an image the clearly communicates who I am and what I'm into. I often get compliments on the awesome shirts and stuff I wear.

Have multiple social circles I spend time with (most of these are predominantly male, but I do have female friends). Go out to restaurants, theaters, music once in a while etc.

Only places I don't often go to is places with alcohol, because my friends usually get quite drunk and it sucks being the only sober person. Also, it means I sometimes have to defuse situations and basically babysit people.

Am involved in an art community. Sometimes help at dog shelters. Am extremely charitable because it is a core part of my being and most of the people around me know this. I would do it regardless of whether other people saw me doing it (in fact I kept this to myself but because I do it often my friends found out about it).

Is my life an exciting adventure? Fuck. No. I enjoy a simple, stable life with simple pleasures. For me a good night out is with my friends, a good meal and maybe a show or a movie. But are you telling me that there are no women that appreciate that? I doubt it.

Treat women like goddesses? I treat them as I would anyone I care about. If they're in trouble or stressed out, I am there. If I am going to do something I think is cool, I invite them. I put a lot of energy (for me) into the relationships I do have.

Am I insecure? Like any human being I have good days and bad days.

Am I frustrated that despite my attempts to be a decent human being in some ways, and an exceptional human being in others, I am never the first option? Even with girls I do know and would consider a relationship with and who are on my level, at least now in my mid 30s? That's a yes.

[–]totalwpierdol 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Insaneflirt_max 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

A good neg isn't a clear put down though. For example, I've accidentally negged girls (my first serious girlfriend was a girl who I asked if she actually needed her glasses because I saw her without them a lot) and had positive results in terms of attraction (not in the long-term, but short term yes).

Another guy I met at a party was constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY teasing his girlfriend. She loved it and ate it up, but part of me felt weird because in my head they were subtle put downs and it was a barrage of them. She was super into it though and all over him.

Also, as I pointed out, feeling small doesn't necessarily mean insecure. You can be with someone you admire (either they're successful, or really smart, or really good looking or whatever) and this is another way to interpret "feeling small".

Title	Women like men who make them feel small - Your thoughts?
Author	TheBetterManZA
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	December 15, 2019 10:57 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/eaxpii/women_like_men_who_make_them_feel_small_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/women-like-men-who-make-them-feel-small-your.1486186 https://theredarchive.com/post/1486186

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