Edit: woah this ended up being longer than i thought... I just had to ease my mind writing this. There is a tl/dr at the bottom...

I guess this is just me writing to ease my mind from what happened today. Guys... whatever you do just PLEASE!!! dont end up in the friendzone.

So i met a girl on tinder back in july and she friendzoned me right away. I was cool with it, so we kept hanging out and as time went by we became very, very close and soon enough one of the most important and closest people in our lives.

I started to develop feelings back in november and i confessed to her right away. She was shocked when i told her i'd like to steer what we have into something more because my inexperienced ass kept acting like a friend for the past 5 months, and i wanted to die when she described me as a brother. We had a talk over it where she said she was closed for anything, she liked literally everything about me but she just didnt feel it... but that something COULD happen when she is done with school in may/june 2020 but now she just doesnt have any time. Ok, i went along but 3 weeks ago i told her i simply cant keep hanging out if i dont see any progress towards intimacy. She started to cry about how important and perfect i am and how she would be so lucky if she eventually ended up with me but she just simply cant now, but in the end she agreed to try. And she really, genuinely did. She didnt reject my kino attempts, she even reciprocated a few times, we grinded and i had my hands on her ass etc. I wanted to kiss her but she didnt want to do that in public, so 2 days ago when i finally had the apartment for myself i invited her over and she knew what was up. We got into our relationship-talk and after saying she is very careful with sex and that there is no way we were gonna do it, she said but i can kiss you though... she leaned in and went for it. She freakin initiated the kiss! After she backed off i told her here lets have another one, to which she complied. These were my 2 first ever kisses btw, so it felt awesome.

So i thought i had beaten the friendzone... guess i fooled myself big time. When she went home i told her we should keep going like this. She ignored it and started talking about something else. Already there i thought something was off, but i kept being positive thinking it might be because she was mad af at a friend.

Anyways she wrote to me today and wanted to meet to talk about a few things. I knew right away what was up. So we met and she asked me what i felt after the kiss. I told her it felt good that we have something going now and we should continue. Then came the bomb... "Im sorry but i have tried literally everything. I kissed you to try to convince myself that i want you but i just didnt feel any butterflies or sparks... and even after that i tried thinking positively, trying to convince myself all day yesterday at home but... just no. It felt like kissing my brother... Im absolutely in love your personality and i love everything about you but its just that last part thats missing... We've been friends for so long and i just cant... i wish there was a way we could start from square one, but im sorry its just not possible."

I kept my cool just trying to process everything but when i saw her starting to cry my eyes went all wet. I've never had i girl cry so much for me before. When she eventually stopped all it took was 1 second of eye contact and she cried again. After just sitting there in silence we went to my car, i drove her to the bus station and when we were about to say our last good byes she started to cry again. We sat in my car for about 45 minutes just feeling sad af. She grabbed and held me by the hand, ran her hand through my hair... and every time she was about to leave she just couldnt. We calmed down and i decided to drive her home. We didnt say a word for 15 minutes but as soon as we arrived in front of her home she started to cry again saying i dont want to leave... i dont want this to end. We ended up sitting in my car again for like 20 minutes, and when we finally decided it was time, we went out of the car to say one last good bye we just stood there in each others arms for a good 10-15 minutes. Again i was good at keeping my cool but when i felt her shaking against my chest and heard her crying again saying that a huge part of her and her everyday life was getting ripped apart from her, that was it for me. I squeezed a little harder and started to cry myself. Then she goes like ok its enough, backs off, takes a look at me and boom again leaps into my arms and another long, hard good bye hug with cries. And a 3rd time... and a 4th time... We were done and she went through the door. I went into my car and as i was calming down and setting up some music to ease my mind there she came back again, so we had yet another hug... and that was it. After saying our good byes for about 2 hours or so we were finally done.

Now i just feel like crap. She literally said everything is fkn perfect with me and she is in love with my personality and everything about me. So if i just had the fkn balls to act and do something, this maybe wouldnt have happened. She is one of the best, sweetest and funniest girls i have ever met. She was always so good to me, barely ever ghosted, initiated meet ups, always made time for me, paid like $150 to go on a festival with me even tho its not her thing, was a huge fkn inspiration to hit the gym again, tried to make something happen even if she didnt feel it herself... and now she is just gone... This forced me to decide that i will NEVER, EVER let something like this happen again. I'll try to remember this pain right now every time i dont have the balls to approach or do something because i dont EVER want to let this happen to myself again. I know im not the best or most experienced guy doing this, but i will simply roll with what i have and try to get better. So yeah.. if anyone read this WoT thanks for taking your time . I'll be going no contact with her until atleast june, improve myself as much as i can and get better with women and then we'll see if i want to message her again and do another try.

TL/DR:

Please, dont EVER fall into the friendzone. Yes there are rare exceptions but once you are there, you are in there so deep you aint ever getting out. You can literally have her cry after you for hours, be one of the closest and most important people to her, she can love everything about you and be ready to move a mountain for you but, she can feel huge emptiness when you leave her, that a big part of her and her everyday life is getting ripped off of her, hell you can even mean the fkn universe to her but... if she sees you as a friend and if she just doesnt feel it, nothing is gonna be able change her mind.

So please, just please dont ever fall into the friendzone. For your sake, and the girls sake.