Below is my context so if you're not interested please read the 'problems' bullet points and next paragraph regarding the topic and I'll try my best to simplify the content as much as I can. Any MGTOWS or men who used surrogates to have their children please comment down below regarding the experience and potential downsides.

I'm a 19 (M) Afghan from a widowed single mother household living in the UK. My mother occasionally hints that at some point in the future, she wants me to get married and have kids. However, I'm terrified that it's going to backfire later on. I've told her that I don't want to get married as it eventually results in a divorce, but she downplays it as me lacking testosterone and being in a 'teenage phase' where I don't want a wife etc. To clarify I love my mother as she supported my STEM degree and I would absolutely love to give her grandkids. I myself also want to be a father once I approach my early to mid 30s. Since I'm from Afghanistan I'm likely gonna get a semi-arranged marriage with an Afghan woman because they always joke about how Western Women divorce and cheat and yada yada yada.

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But here's the issues I have regarding the modern dating and marriage/child custody landscape since they are interlinked.

Problems:

Dating:

  • Delusional female standards. Women want a rich, tall, attractive man whilst they aren't supermodels themselves to demand such caliber of men.
  • Vast majority of men have been rated as unnatractive by women. It used to be the 80/20 rule but now it's the 95/5 rule. We're only expecting this to get worse.
  • Most women aren't virgins before marriage. The average modern woman has had some past sexual partners and sometimes they cannot pair bond due to them thinking about that said partner (Alpha-widowed).
  • About 70% of women admit to having a backup boyfriend if the relationship goes south.
  • Women's hypergamy (women mating up) is on steroids and she's constantly looking for the better option. Gone are the days where shame and social reinforcement were a thing to keep their behavior in check
  • Female Stds and abortion rates are through the roof.

Marriage and child custody:

  • You can no longer set boundaries as a man because you're labelled as 'insecure' and 'controlling'. You cannot excercise your boundaries stating that you're not comfortable with her going on girl's trips, having male friends and being disrespectful etc. And when you do excercise your boundaries she can call the cops on you and claim abuse.
  • About half of marriages end in divorce, with 70-80% of them being initiated by women. Increased to 90% if she's college educated.
  • The husband usually is the higher earner and ends up losing his assets in the divorce. Prenups DON'T work as she can claim it was signed under duress.
  • If the mother doesn't want the father/husband to have joint custody, the father will struggle to contest this in the court.
  • Only about 17.8% of custodial parents in the US are fathers
  • The wife can restrict access to the kids to the father and he's still forced to pay child support.
  • In many cases, the wife doesn't use the child support money to help the children but to support her lifestyle. She can also demand more money through the courts while remaining unemployed and relying on her ex-husband's paycheck. This can hinder his ability to work a lower-wage job and retire early, as in some countries, missing child support payments can lead to prison time.

  • In extreme cases, the man might be forced to pay child support for kids that aren't his even after patnernity tests prove that he's not the biological father.

    A lot of people say that divorce laws are rigged against men, as women get paid to break their vows, and I agree with that. For me, as a man, the purpose of marriage was to have a stable environment to raise children in. But with the government in the way and women having the ability to decimate a man financially because of her feelings, I really don't see the point in having a wife. Why not just get a surrogate instead at that point? Sure, you may argue that the +100k price tag might seem like a lot for a child, but compared to a divorce, it's significantly cheaper. And I'm likely to go that route despite it being against my cultural norms and the Islamic religion.

Below I listed some advantages and disvantages of having a surrogate mother (any men who used surrogates feel free to comment and critique me)

Advantages:

  • Parenthood Without Marriage: Some men cannot find partners due to unrealistic female standards or because they're not interested in getting married but want children.
  • Genetic Legacy: Surrogacy allows the parent to have a genetic connection with the child, which is important for those who want to pass on their genes. Just make sure to paternity test the child.
  • Control over Timing: Since men don't have a biological clock like women, they have more leverage over timing and when they can start the surrogate process. With extra money, a man can select the surrogate mother who matches his requirements (such as age of the egg, height, race, and eye color).
  • Legal protection: Some surrogacy agreements come with legal protections for the intended parent(s), providing security regarding parental rights and responsibilities.
  • No Divorce: Self explanatory. You don't get financially decimated for pairing up with the wrong woman in a marriage when a divorce happens.

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Disadvantages:

  • Legal problems: Surrogacy laws vary across different jurisdictions, and since most surrogate agreements are done internationally, this can create problems regarding parental rights, citizenship, and immigration status for the child.
  • Custody: In some cases the surrogate mother 'changes her mind' and keeps custody of the child despite the man paying for the child.

The surrogate child:

  • Bonding/Attachment: The child may experience challenges in forming a bond with the intended parents if they aren't involved in the birth process. The lack of biological connection during the prenatal period can impact the child's emotional development and identity. Additionally, the child may ask about their origins and whether they can meet their mother.
  • Psychological Problems: Children born through gestational surrogacy can experience psychological problems relating to their unique conception. This can lead to feelings of loss, abandonment, or confusion about their origins, which might require professional support
  • Parent(s) may face problems navigating and disclosing the child's surrogacy to them and how to communicate about their conception story.

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I would have had kids the organic way via marriage, but with male competition being super fierce and the game of mating and dating being rigged against the average guy, this seems like the last resort.

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PS: I apologize for this long and complicated post. This is my first time making such a giant post. However, I feel like this is a very important topic to discuss as some of us might use this method to have children.

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