high libido woman struggling with husband who only responds when my attention is not on him. what to do?

One-Introduction-566 · 2024-04-21T15:28:55+00:00

I don’t know, but this is my fear with my fiancé. As of now his libido is like very low and while he says it will improve(job changes and stuff), I’m so worried it will drag into marriage. I also don’t really get it. Like I feel like us women are often told to say yes to advances to make him feel loved even if we don’t feel like it, but it seems like men are totally unwilling to do that. I think for a healthy relationship sometimes both of you need to say yes at times to stuff you don’t feel like, even sex(not under coercion, but like reciprocating advances and trying to get into it as best you can).

NessieTheOG · 2024-04-21T19:00:55+00:00

Married to someone with low libido. It won’t change. If it’s a deal breaker, people are right to tell you to get out, but also consider what is a true deal breaker for you.

I thought it would be a deal breaker for me because I wouldn’t feel “close” or “connected,” and instead we became more intimate emotionally and mentally. This made it easier to discuss low libido, receive reassurance, and have open dialogue about masturbation without shame, etc. It’s a trade-off, and the right person will work with you.

PaganButterChurner · 2024-04-21T18:14:29+00:00

You’re horny because you have testosterone to use up. Focus it on a club like a running club, mountain climbing , Muay Thai, etc . Your body will get its release (won’t feel as horny) and you will look sexier. And you will increase your attraction. Be positive present and don’t nag

SuperiorLake_ · 2024-04-21T19:55:25+00:00

I had this problem with my husband when we were dating, and even into the first year of marriage. Came pretty close to ending things several times before we married, but I’m glad I didn’t. It took a lot of open communication and understanding on his end. We did some experimenting and figured out things that we were both really into. This includes some give and take. He LOVES things that aren’t always my favorite things to do, but I’m more than happy to do them because I get laid more often as a result haha. Everyone ends up happy. Now sex is more fun and satisfying, so we’re more consistent. Also, my libido has kind of equalized over time as we got into more of a satisfying routine so we never fight about it anymore.

Also- don’t set high expectations for everything to go down exactly how you want it. I absolutely love to be pursued in specific ways, but that’s just not my husband’s thing. He initiates in his own ways and a lot of the time, it’s me initiating. Originally I was upset about this, but I realized that he was clearly making an effort and I was getting what I wanted, which was more sex. Take what you can get as little improvements are made.

zaftig_stig · 2024-04-21T23:24:13+00:00

Consciously or unconsciously it sounds like he’s messing with you. Sex and money are both sensitive topics in relationships and not topics to mess around with.

It sounds like you have a very high drive, but his sounds almost non-existent.

I was married to someone with a lower drive and it was up to me to initiate, but he was almost always receptive.

wanderingdorathy · 2024-04-22T14:39:19+00:00

I have a really low libido so I don’t actually have a great answer to your question, but potentially advice for the long run

Sex multiple times a day sounds like a genuine nightmare to me.

I notice that if my partner is constantly trying to initiate sex I shirk away from all physical affections. I want cuddles and kisses and massages, but if I know my partner is interpreting cuddling on the couch as “I’m gonna get laid later” I’ll avoid even starting because I don’t want to push over that first domino

It’s important that you have physical interactions that aren’t trying to pressure him into sex. Otherwise every interaction feels suspect and more and more walls will go up around physical interactions. Your partner is obviously craving this in the way he’s being flirty while you’re on the phone. He wants a way to engage with you that he knows won’t lead to sex and he’s subconsciously found this as an outlet

And the end of that- hopefully for you- is actually more sex. If I’m exasperated because I just need a hug but I don’t feel like my partner can do that without trying to turn it into sex then I’m not going to be engaging in ANY of the activities that could lead to me being interested in sex. I need to be able to trust my partner that massaging my shoulders is because he loves me and not just because he’s horny. Once I can trust that then on the 5th time (idk just a random number) maybe that shoulder massage will do the trick and I’ll start getting in the mood. But that 5th time only comes up if he’s established a pattern that massage doesn’t inherently equal sex every single time

Friendly_Housing5420 · 2024-04-22T18:43:53+00:00

Check his search history. I guarantee there’s like a 70% chance that illuminates his behavior.

Edit: you said there is no porn involved. Idk what could be causing it, but if it were a possibility, I think it would be the most likely cause.

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AutoModerator · 2024-04-21T13:34:32+00:00

Title: high libido woman struggling with husband who only responds when my attention is not on him. what to do?

Author Lonediary

Full text: my husband is a bit different, or is he really?

sex life is plummeting at this ripe youthful age where we’re supposed to be intimate multiple times a day. I think i haven’t had sex in 2 weeks now.

I’m not the kind of person to initiate even a conversation, he chased me the entire time. Now that we’re married and 3 years have passed, things have sizzled down.

He responded the best when I initiated sex. If i don’t, we will be having it lesser than we do..

He wants me when i’m doing something else. If i’m on call, or if i’m working, he gets this boost of sexual energy, and he starts physically teasing me a lot.. but soon as I cut the call or reciprocate back, he’ll be dead trying to sleep. i can’t live like this

for sex he used to respond to my initiation the best.

uhm so why are you stopping me these days? when i’m touching him he makes me stop. few days back he shrieked my hands away from him. and then a day ago when I approached him to cuddle he said he needs space he’s stressed (work) He assured me with affectionate words but i was torn into 2 pieces, why do i crave intimacy so so much?

he would also cuddle me, kiss me, say ily n all but i’m a high libido woman, i need sex. i’m being mentally affected by this.

even if i orgasm 10 times a day, if i see him i want to have sex with him.

i just need input from people who have had partners that are attracted to them when they’re not paying attention to them. i like you when you don’t like me back kind of partners. She’s so busy in her own life, she’s so hot kind of partners. u get me?

i’ve become a despo always chasing him for sex, i’ll stop this.. but i need some advice from people who’ve had similar partners.

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plein_old · 2024-04-21T23:32:16+00:00

He wants me when i’m doing something else.

So he's attracted to a woman he can look at, but who is not available for real, actual sex, in real life.

It's possible for a man to train himself to primarily get turned on to women who appear in front of him visually, but who are otherwise completely unavailable for intimacy. As a matter of fact, this is one of the biggest industries on the internet!

we’re supposed to be intimate multiple times a day

A man who is stressed about work is probably not able to be intimate anywhere remotely close to this often, even if he does not have a porn addiction. Something like 10 minutes of massage could help lower stress levels, perhaps.

Also, some married people schedule "date night" every so often, a time agreed upon to not focus on work or other obligations - things which can tend to take over everything for some people, if they let them. The man can prepare to not be stressed out and to not have excuses for these occasions. Everybody wins. Maybe.

amiwastingmytime24 · 2024-04-23T04:40:40+00:00

Hello! I’m not married but I found a blog post that may be relevant to your situation. It mentions that this is usually a co created dynamic. Was this dynamic present before you got married?

Extension_Counter_47 · 2024-04-23T18:31:24+00:00

Does he watch porn?

Title	high libido woman struggling with husband who only responds when my attention is not on him. what to do?
Author	Lonediary
Upvotes	20
Comments	24
Date	April 21, 2024 1:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1c9i179/high_libido_woman_struggling_with_husband_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/high-libido-woman-struggling-with-husband-who-only.1515892 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515892

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