Does anyone else’s partner not put much effort into planning dates and outings?

yktvvvvvvvvvv · 2024-05-24T03:33:46+00:00

I feel that there is an underlying issue as to why he’s not planning dates and coming up with excuses.

How is your relationship?

My partner consistently plans weekly date nights but I do send him ideas of what I like or what I want sometimes. It can be exhausting for the man to have to plan every single date so let him make the reservations and pay but send him places you’d enjoy to give him ideas.

General advice I would give is to get dressed up and go out with your girls consistently! If he seems you looking bomb to hang out with other people he might get the urge to take you out AND you’ll be more busy so no more homey dates.

Vermillion-Rx · 2024-05-23T23:36:03+00:00

Do you have any middle ground in your date ideas or no? I'm not taking a girl far away every time she wants to go out. Likewise, "dropping hints" is counterintuitive. Men are problem solvers and hints often go under the radar. Have you described many of the things and activities you enjoy or have you only hinted at what you enjoy as well?

Conversely, was he always unassertive and not taking charge? If yes, that was a vetting decision on your part to select an unassertive man and you may either want to start encouraging him more to take charge (in a noncombative way) or evaluate your mate preferences if it can't be helped or changed.

Relationships are a two way street, even if he is your captain you should communicate more clearly. If the hints are intended to goad him into leading, and he isn't, consider doing what you can to positively reinforce any instances he leads so that you can have your desired relationship outcomes

scarletcapsule · 2024-05-23T23:06:54+00:00

Not at all. Many high-value men actively take charge and plan dates while also leaving enough room for their women to do it when they want to plan.

His reluctance to plan is indicative of other unattractive traits (such as a lack of resourcefulness). Assess your situation carefully. In the case you choose to leave, vet your next man carefully in the first few dates to see if they are leading on the planning front.

AutoModerator · 2024-05-23T22:03:48+00:00

Title: Does anyone else’s partner not put much effort into planning dates and outings?

Author stellaok

Full text: I have noticed there’s a pattern of him never having any idea what we should do in the weekend, is mostly grumpy when I plan outings and always has comments on how the ideal places are too far and too much traffic, or it’s a lot of walking when he has chronic knee pain. Almost all of my dates are hanging out at my place cooking or eating or watching something on tv. It is enjoyable, but also I don’t have a car and sometimes I genuinely miss being in a car, given i’m a foreigner in the US with no friends or family here. I have tried to drop hints or just bring it up lightly and jokingly that he should plan something, but he never has an idea or wants to decide. Is this a male thing or not really? He’s very kind and respectful other than that issue, which bothers me given my situation

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rosesonthefloor · 2024-05-24T17:42:02+00:00

How long have you two been together? Has he ever planned or suggested dates? How have you reacted when he did?

I agree that it feels like we need additional info here. And I agree that “where are you taking me this weekend” isn’t the best approach. It comes across as a bit manipulative, like you’re trying to force him into taking you somewhere, rather than just being honest or direct about what you’d like.

I would start more neutrally with something like “what do you want to do this weekend?” If he suggests something, great! Do that. If he says “nothing” or wants to do something but isn’t sure what, say “I’d love to check out X” or “I was thinking about Y” and then “want to come?”

You can also try “ABC is happening on (date)! Can we go?” Point being - be honest. “I would like to do this.”

If he wants you to make a decision for something like a restaurant, give him three options you’d be happy with and tell him to pick one. When he does make decisions or plan something, be extra loving. Make it a positive experience for him and he’ll likely want to do it more often!

Also, I’d encourage you to be thoughtful of his experience as well when suggesting activities for the two of you. If your outing suggestions all have a lot of walking, and he has chronic knee pain, no wonder he’s grumpy! Or if they involve him driving for quite a while, that’s not really super fun either if it’s in traffic. Look for activities that the two of you can do that don’t involve the things he complains about (maybe a picnic in a nearby park?).

If he still manages to find something to complain about every time, then he’s just looking to complain and you can deal with that issue. But if those outings are a better fit for him, then you can have a better date experience.

Good luck!

wtfmica · 2024-05-25T00:39:41+00:00

Some people are not planners. So I'm going to ignore that part. However spending time together he complains. Could it be anxiety of being out of his safe space or ? Similar. What or when does he not complain?

Title	Does anyone else’s partner not put much effort into planning dates and outings?
Author	stellaok
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	May 23, 2024 10:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1cz52fm/does_anyone_elses_partner_not_put_much_effort/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/does-anyone-elses-partner-not-put-much-effort-into.1519341 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519341

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