Men and emotions – a topic that's been beaten to death, but here we go again. There's this idea floating around that men should be emotional, but let's be real: women don't actually want that. When women say they want men to be emotional, what they really mean is they want their emotions validated. Basically, when you talk to her, she wants to hear her own thoughts echoed back. Remember boys, women thrive on consensus. What she absolutely doesn't want is you unloading your insecurities on her. Go ahead, tell her you're scared of Joe the office bully and see how fast her interest drops.

Nice guys hide their emotions, trying to be the sensitive, caring type. But masculine men? They show emotions differently.

Snorlax and the Sensitivity Squad vs. The Lawman and Seignior Alpha Bunny

Years ago, I had a chat with some guys at a social event when a heavyset guy started critiquing my way of bantering and making friends. Some of the guys were rightfully put off by this interloper butting in. Amused, I didn't dismiss him. I remembered when I too was naïve. I explained that men banter for fitness – we take jabs at each other to see how we react. A guy who jabs back is someone you want on your team. A guy who loses his cool isn't. I shared an anecdote about how my best friend and I started as enemies in high school, fought a few times, and eventually respected each other enough to become friends. I could tell that this guy seemed uncomfortable around guys being masculine.

This guy, let's call him Snorlax, believed showing vulnerabilities is the way to make friends. He claimed bantering is toxic and not everyone likes roughhousing. "What if someone doesn't like you joking with them?" he asked. Though he spoke as if he was concerned about the well-being of others, there was a passive-aggressive tone to his words. He wasn't speaking in good faith.

"Then I don't want to be their friend," I replied.

“Other people might think you are discriminating.”  He said.

He insisted my mindset was exclusive and I wouldn't make many friends that way. I countered that I wasn't looking for many friends, just a few good ones. Besides, I doubted he'd made any friends by sharing vulnerabilities.

He kept on bringing up “other people” as a justification for his critiques.

He kept arguing about the merits of sharing vulnerabilities and how strength isn't necessary in today's world. Then, to my surprise, another guy in the group, whom I'll call Tanpachiro (he's Japanese, and this is relevant), countered him.

"That's backwards thinking," said Tanpachiro. "You can share some things once you know a person and are comfortable with them. But leading with vulnerabilities to a random stranger? That's naïve! How about you start by making yourself useful, offering value instead of taking it and expecting others to reciprocate?"

Snorlax was caught off guard and tried to counter, but it was just word vomit. He argued that men shouldn't hide their feelings and that jokingly insulting someone is cruel.

Tanpachiro argued that being useful and offering value is a far better way to build friendships. I added that within a group of friends, everyone plays a different role – the Social guy, the gym bro, and the voice of reason. Each person benefits from the roles others fill.

Snorlax was upset “So, tit for tat? That seems very capitalistic! Why do I have to provide something or fill a role? Why can’t I just be me?”

Tanpachiro shot back, “Do you exist just to take value? The world doesn’t owe you anything!”

Seeing things weren't going well, he resorted to his expertise in Yugioh, using his virgin wizardry. He took a defensive position and summoned an ally: a vocal, overweight, white liberal woman aka Landwhale. Not a bad lineup. As the battle continued, me and Tanpachiro found a groove and an audience.

End of the Duel and Theory in Practice!

The conversation shifted, and rude words and accusations flew. Landwhale criticized Japan for being patriarchal, citing women’s office attire (wearing heels) and having female elevator attendants.

Yup, she tried turning a discussion about friendship into a critique of gender roles. The gloves were off at this point.

 "I do not want to be objectified by Japanese men when I travel abroad!" said Landwhale

"Don’t worry, you won’t," said Tanpachiro.

Snorlax and his ally were mortified. "How can you say that?" Snorlax cried. "That was very uncalled for and presumptuous!"

“Do you know what is presumptuous?” I said. “Interrupting someone’s conversation, insulting their culture, and then acting offended when people talk back.”

The battle was over!

We didn't convince the two, but others paid attention, so that was good enough. After the duel, I ended up talking to Tanpachiro where I learned that he practices law. We continued talking while Snorlax and Landwhale made their way to the snack bar.

This wasn't my first time seeing him, but it was the first time we spoke directly. After some conversation, I looked at him and said, "Not bad, though you really are Japanese, aren’t you?”

“What do mean?” he said.

“Oh, you know about how Japanese really hate dolphins … and Whales! I said while looking in the direction of the snack bar.

He was surprised but then looked at me, eyed me up and down, and said, "FUCK YOU DOLPHIN! AND FUCK YOU WHALE!

Hahahaha

"That motherfucker," I thought.

Of course, we became friends!

 

Nostalgically

 

The Most Alpha of Bunnies