Hey Folks,

I can't believe my divorce is finally over!

I wanted to make this thread to help everyone else here who is going through a similar situation.

Background

After being for 7 years married to a partner who has BPD (undiagnosed). I finally had a mental breakdown in October 2022 due to the non-stop fighting every other day. She forced me out of our jointly owned home and took my car and other possessions. We attended marriage counselling and she fought with the counsellor, in the end he told her 'she was the cause of the marriage breaking down'...she replied 'nothing is wrong with me, I don't even need counselling'. She quickly tried to get back with me whilst at the same time being on every other dating website possible! (Thank you Eufy doorbell for motion recording and audio!)

I ended up filling for divorce in early 2023, and had to move back with my parents, it was a shock for me! After living away from my family for the last 7 years.

I was going through the darkest time of my life, I felt I was being buried, I contemplated suicide multiple times. I felt and saw nothing but darkness, I felt I had lost everything in my life. I started to have panic attacks, I wasn't able to sleep. I continued to attend therapy hoping things would get better.

The divorce was going super slow, she would take weeks to reply to any letters, every-time I tried to visit the house to collect my items she would call the Police and even tried to go to Court to have me banned from visiting my own property. After 3 months, I finally got my car, passport and ID back. She was in total control of the situation and was even controlling me from afar! I couldn't seem to break free from her, It didn't matter what I did, she just wouldn't stay out of my life!

In July 2023, our family house sold, the new buyers were excited to move in, but she refused to leave and wouldn't sign the paper work. In the end she said she would only sign if the money was put into her lawyers account which I had no choice to agree to. The day came for the new family to move in and she was still in the house, she slammed the door shut on them telling them 'don't ever come here again'. The family rang me and explained due to her not leaving the house they had been made homeless and had to spend the foreseeable future living in a hotel because of her.

Luckily or unluckily after 3 days she left but I was in shock at what she did...she stripped the entire house...she removed every item possible including the light bulbs and the fitted furniture! She left the house in an awful condition. I visited the house during this period, and she saw on our CCTV I had returned, she quickly came home and tried to run me over with her car! She shouted at me non stop that I had ruined her life! I called the police but they didn't do much...

Later that week the new buyer rang me and told me to come and see with my own eyes what she had done! I documented everything and felt so sorry for them! she had ruined what was meant to be such a special day for them out of pure malice. Along with the damage she caused she had also taken this opportunity to smash a lot of my items and leave them on the floor for me to see!

The divorce continued and I had legal troubles! My current lawyer, advised me to 'sign everything over to your ex wife and be happy' I asked 'why am I paying you if your just going to give her everything'. So I stopped working with them. I hired a new lawyer who at first was great , however it became clear after a few months he was just 'extorting' me I was paying him $4,000 a month and all he was doing was sending 'chaser' letters I told him to do something else! he said 'I can't do anything else'. I later found out there were many options we could do including taking her to court for not responding, so I fired him! I decided to represent myself and sent her court papers. Things quickly changed at this point, I finally realised I had some power!

My Ex wife quickly began to respond, and eventually we came to an agreement of a 60/40 split in her favour in March 2024. I wasn't happy with it but I wanted to get on with my life. I was finding it difficult to deal with the amount of time it was taking.

One of the hardest things in life is to give 100% every day and not see any results and this is how I felt most days. The divorce was hanging over me like a shadow, I couldn't get it resolved! She now started responding a lot slower again.

In April 2024 we finally had a financial agreement drawn up and submitted to the courts, we were told it would take around 2 weeks. 8 weeks later still no news! so I filled a complaint and it finally went through! I then had to get the marriage legally ended again I was told 4 days maximum again nothing happened. I had to ring everyday and I finally found someone who (I still can't believe) created the divorce certificate on the phone with me within 90 seconds and emailed it me!! every other person I spoke to at the courts said you need to wait 14 weeks for a reply!!

So yes I am finally free now and I just wanted to tell you the following:

  1. You can get through this! bad times don't last forever!
  2. No matter how dark things look they always get better!
  3. Learn and understand the power you have!
  4. When you can't control what's happening to you control how you respond!
  5. Never give up, there are days / weeks / months where nothing happens but then there are weeks where everything will happen so fast that you won't believe it
  6. Be consistent, don't take no for an answer, put the effort in to resolve your divorce
  7. This is your life , not your attorneys, don't let them tell you it's going to take 10 days to write a reply, tell them you want it done within 2 days (for example)
  8. Understand that money isn't so important, time is the most important thing in life. If I said to you pay me $10K today and I'll have your divorce resolved I am sure you would pay!
  9. Sometimes things happen to you that you can't understand at the time but just remember these things happen to make you stronger!
  10. Find peace within yourself