Quick context: My divorce was tough. My ex falsely accused me of abuse, but I had solid proof to defend myself. It was really hard to get shared custody, but I fought and eventually won. Me and my ex barely communicate, pretty much by court order, because our lawyers convinced us that using Our Family Wizard (OFW) was the best way to communicate. Now, we’re stuck with poor communication, and nothing can be achieved without spending thousands on those vampire lawyers. it has been 2 years now

Anyway, I really, really need help. Because of all this drama, I’m doubting my good judgment and want to run this by you guys before I do anything stupid.

My kids are 7 and 8, and I love them more than anything. However, I don’t have anyone around to help in this city, while my ex has an army of family members. She enrolled the kids in a bunch of activities, and I’m feeling worn out between waking up super early to prepare their food, taking them to school, picking them up, taking them to activities, helping with homework, making dinner… I do love every bit of it, but a part of me feels stuck in this routine. I need to build something for myself—I want more from life. I want to be financially stable and in a good position for my kids when they grow up, but I feel like this dynamic is holding me back. Maybe it’s a false perception.

The second factor is that I met someone who is great with my kids. We’ve been together for over a year. She took a $100k cut in her salary just to relocate here and help me with my kids. My ex would never do something like that for her own kids, let alone for me.

With her help, things have been smooth, but she could make good money somewhere else. I’m considering moving so we both could prosper financially, and I could gain some independence to work on myself and set myself up better for the future.

I really want to reach out to my ex’s lawyer and see if we could work something out where I give her more custody time but also reserve the right to revert to the original agreement if things don’t go as expected. I also don’t mind paying her some child support, but I’m afraid she would use it to milk me. I don’t know how I can make her agree on a set child support amount (otherwise it could be like 30% of my salary), and I’m already struggling to live on just my salary without my current partner’s help.

So, I’m not sure what kind of agreement to pursue. I still want to see the kids at least once a month and have them during the summer, but I also don’t want her to use this offer against me in court to try and reduce my custody time. I want to be careful, and lawyers don’t seem to know much or provide a lot of help. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? or am I a bad dad for thinking like this?