My current situation is complex, and I'm too burned out to make a rational decision. I need some of you to lend me some healthy brain cells if anyone has any. I posted about it before but I feel like I did not express myself clearly and didn't give much info about my situation to make an informed judgment.

  1. We have a 2-2-5 (50/50) no CS arrangement. If a parent is away for more than 24 hours, they need to notify the other parent and offer the first right of refusal instead of leaving the kids with family or friends.
  2. I'm getting married, and my significant other has moved here, taking a loss of $150k from her salary just to be in this town with me and my kids.
  3. Day-to-day life with my kids is horrible. I'm burned out from dealing with my ex's drama. Life has been a mental struggle, and juggling between work, pick-up, and drop-off leaves me feeling exhausted.

I’ve been traveling a little, 4-5 times a year, and because of the 2-2-5 arrangement, it's impossible to go away for more than 4 days. I always offer my ex the first right of refusal to comply with the court, and she always takes the kids, even though I have people who could care for them when I'm away.

Now, here’s my dilemma: I want to move away with my soon-to-be wife to a different state where we can buy a nice home, she can earn more money, and we, as a couple, can have better opportunities and a better life, away from a spiteful ex-wife. Losing my 50/50 custody would mean paying more child support to my ex, but it would still be significantly less than the extra money we would be making. However, I wouldn't see my kids as much, and if things don't work out for us there or if we break up, I can't get my 50/50 custody back. But $150k a year is a significant amount of money—it means a bigger home, a better car, a better retirement, and doing more things with the kids, with less stress over money. It's hard to turn that down. It also means more free time for me to focus on a side hustle, while in this town, the money just isn't there.

  1. My question: Could my ex wanting to take the kids while I'm away lead to a change in custody? It’s less than 30 days in a whole year, and she does that because she wants to, not because I don’t have anyone to care for them. Life is life, and I can't live my whole life without ever leaving town. Do you guys think she could change custody because of that?
  2. I guess this is more of a question for myself, but I need some rationality here: Do you think it's worth it to see the kids just one week a month, or maybe one or two weekends a month, and have them for the whole month in the summer? I see many dads here who don't have custody, and they seem to be just fine.