I’ve come to terms that I’ll never really be happy if I stay with my wife. We had a kid young and she’s in college now. I tried to give us some time as empty nesters to see if that dynamic improved things for us, but it’s worse.

She has major anxiety issues and is afraid to live the moderately social/engaged life I want. She wants to live as off grid and isolated as possible, hates people, and is constantly complaining about work/ everything. She’s lazy and overweight and unhealthy.

We’ve been through a lot and I love her like family but just do not want to be chained to her bullshit anymore. But, we aren’t actively fighting. We get along ok, have financial interests, and ideally the kid would have our shared home to return to for holidays… I’ve been stuck being her caretaker essentially, and her rock, and to tell her that it’s been at least partially pretend this whole time… to leave her all unhealthy and miserable so I can go be happy, I feel like that’s a real dick move. I need to be that dick, but I like to think of myself as patient and supportive and good.

TLDR- how do you muster up the courage to be the asshole that’s needed to end things?