I think I've arrived here

No_Pace2396 · 2024-11-25T18:26:45+00:00

Been thru it. Saw unhappy boss momma try work, try fitness, then kid, realized I was just one of the things she tried and I wasn’t enough. Never saw her, so i did my thing. That made her unhappy, and she was just chasing the next thing the whole time anyway. So I became SAHD. Still unhappy, but the free child care allowed her to focus on work. Made it, then realized she didn’t need me. My moment was when she said “everything is negotiable.” C U next Tuesday.

If you’re willing to try, start working on yourself to prepare for her already having given up and just waiting to find her reason or waiting for you. You can’t bring her back in, but you can kill yourself trying. Don’t. Have your own life and do it now rather than after papers are filed.

Focus on the kid. Take the time to build a strong bond and enjoy these years. 5-7 more years and she’ll be pretty much on her own. You’ll have the foundation your absent wife won’t, and your kid will remember her dad time.

There’s a type of therapy called discernment counseling that establishes whether either, neither, or both are done with the marriage. We tried it but it was pointless by that time. Traditional marriage counseling is worthless. This is to decide whether there is any commitment or willingness left. I see it as the first step in dissolving the marriage in a controlled way, because once you’re here it’s because she’s already gone but stays because she’s getting whatever she needs elsewhere already, and when you get to the point where you aren’t, well that’s not her fault, you’ll leave, and she can blame you for breaking up the family.

Also start preparing yourself financially. Know where your assets are and get records and statements. Make sure you’re primary amount holder on all accounts. Know what is yours from before the marriage. First whiff you’re headed toward divorce, call every lawyer in town for a consult. Be ready to be a ruthless dick because she will become a raging bitch, the difference is the court is on her side (she’ll become a sad momma in court and you will assume the role of the bad man). Once that ball gets rolling she’ll play it to full effect. Men have the discipline to do what’s best for family and kids. Women will use the court to punish you. That’s how this system makes money. /rant

Classic_Dill · 2024-11-25T18:17:51+00:00

Although relationships are quite complex, this one seems to be easy, here’s the deal, you have to ask yourself what is real?

Your wife wants to be a CEO, and she has taken that over the time with you and your daughter, therefore she has taken more pride in her job than she does you or your daughter, we spend the time with the people that we want to spend time with, we put our priority of importance in a certain manner, and I think you’re seeing where her importance lies, it’s with her job. I don’t buy into her coming home and treating you crappy because she doesn’t wanna be nice to you because that might be bribing you for her being late every night? Brother! Please tell me you don’t buy into that garbage, don’t wanna break your heart. Don’t wanna hurt you any further, but if she’s out late at night all the time? Maybe you should start checking that workplace cameras? There is a very high probability that she’s cheating on you, it’s plausible at least. She’s abandoned you and your daughter basically because her need to be the boss is so important to her and you and your daughter are just lower on the list of her needs right now, I know you don’t wanna hear it, but I would recommend a divorce. She gets to go runoff be a CEO and not have any balance and not be a mother 100% and you get to be super dead to your daughter!

Something disturbing stuck out in your post though, you said you’ve done everything you can to support her or make her feel good, my question to you is this? What has she done for you? How does she make you feel good? How does she make you feel supported? How does she make you feel desired? How does she make? You feel like the man in the relationship or at least an equal partner? You’re looking at this like what can you do for her more? When you should be looking at what can she be doing for you and your daughter more!

It sucks, Man, she’s picked her priorities and sadly her family is lower on the list than her job. I would at least talk to an attorney and see what a divorce would look like.

Gattsama · 2024-11-25T17:48:48+00:00

So no one here can really answer the question you are trying to ask. Here's some general advice: you addressed what your needs and concerns were, she acknowledged them, she states she will not attempt to meet them. Now that's a normal part of a relationship; no one can be all things at all times.

The question is what is the pattern? Is this workable? Are you a team or is this a unilateral situation? IMHO the concerning thing isn't that I won't do it, it's that she seems to be switching the reasons why? She feels guilty, she's trying to bribe you, etc. You address that and she responds with a NEW set of reasons: we have ideological differences, our marriage may be ending, I'm uncomfortable..

If you see this pattern with other issues (ie constantly moving goal post) that is concerning. And you are correct that would be women speak for 'I am not going to try.'

HousingSignal · 2024-11-25T22:37:33+00:00

First--find out if you both still care. Tell her you want to schedule a time that both of you can have a serious discussion about your future. Accept that changing anything for the better is much more likely to be a process than something that happens overnight, and demanding overnight changes from either side will likely build resentment. In that "meeting", try and be as unemotional as possible--lay out what is going on and be direct--is she committed or not? Does she see any light at the end of the tunnel where she can circle back to you and your family, or is she completely checked out? Would it help if you reached out to your extended family for support?

Basically, you need to make it clear what both of your needs are--spell it out and write it down, and what course you're going to set--either one where you are together or one where you aren't.

Divorce is a hideous process. It often takes a year to resolve if contested. It rips families apart. It traumatizes children. You have a 7 year old daughter who wants her mother and father, and if divorce is what you choose, that's a tough pill she'll have to swallow as well.

Now--is there any possibility there's a third party here? Sometimes these things happen because of guilt, but has anyone been flirting with her lately?

Title	I think I've arrived here
Author	spideysjs
Upvotes	9
Comments	18
Date	November 25, 2024 5:20 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gzo7fk/i_think_ive_arrived_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-think-ive-arrived-here.1536841 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536841

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