Help, I'm a self saboteur

tautologicoxymoron · 2015-09-12T16:44:21+00:00

I had the very same problem when I was in my late teens. For me, I think it was mainly because of self-esteem issues.

Firstly, I started putting her down in my mind to get her down to my level, since I felt like I was reaching (low self esteem). Subsequently, this created the problem that my 'ego' believed what my 'id' created (ego, it ... Freudian terminology) and therefore I lost interest.

Secondly, back in my teens, I really cared about what other people thought of me and I saw women as a means to an end to gain popularity (players were always respected). Therefore my prospective girlfriend had to measure up society's demands and not mine. After all, I wanted to impress society with having a hot girl on my side.

As I gained more experience with women, as I gained confidence, somewhere along the way I stopped worrying about society and my social circle and it stopped.

Xkirbyx · 2015-09-12T16:24:50+00:00

Had to reply because I feel the exact same way with my LTR. There's work for me to do then. Thank you

[deleted] · 2015-09-12T17:55:46+00:00

Well, I'm not sure if there's anything wrong with you. I think I'm on the same page - there are some girls that I'm interested in, I talk to them, then poof, the interest is gone.

It's really easy to dream about someone, to imagine someone, well, to masturbate yourself with some dreams about other person, but there's that important thing called REALITY. The reality usually will be different than your dreams and imaginations.

Everyone has flaws. How do you approach your own flaws? Are you able to pat yourself on the back and say "OK, I'm not exactly where I want to be, but I'm doing my best to improve"? Or, are you extremely critical?

You get jealous... yes, we're on the same page, I have exactly the same thinking sometimes. The deal is, when I get jealous, I remind myself: why am I not with that person. I am not with that person BECAUSE I DECIDED ON MY OWN that I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING with that person. Awareness, my friend. Awareness.

As I was walking through the mall today, I realized, that even if I have IDGAF attitude, even if I think that I AM THE PRIZE, I still need to get down from that "alpha mountain" to get close to other people, ESPECIALLY WOMEN. They're different beings than men. They have different thinking. They're much less capable of the shit that man is capable of. On the other hand, they do have some properties that make them valuable for us, for one reason or another.

You may have some issues, you may believe internally, that you're not worth of love of another person. You may also believe, that you're so good, that other people aren't worth of your love. Just like I did, just like I believe from time to time.

But the truth is, we're people. Even if I paid with my own money for everything I have around, there's no chance I would build those things by myself. Everything that is around you was built by multiple people, dozens, thousands, you count. Logistics, warehouses, internet commerce, by the help from thousands of people those things arrived at your home, which was also built by multiple different people.

You, me, we're important, right? We have ABILITIES. We have our EGOS. We're the better people. The Ubermensch.

Really?

Not exactly, I think.

We aren't as important.

And we need other people. Perhaps this is the part of love and relationships that we hate. Maybe we were in some situations, that involved people who should love us, but there was not enough love. Maybe there was abuse. Maybe this is why we won't trust people.

But the sad reality of (a bit childish) "I'm so good that I don't need anyone!" is, that your dick won't be sucked. And, perhaps that short blonde wants to suck dick. Doesn't matter whose dick, yours, mine, that friend she'll meet next week. Why should we keep our dicks for ourselves? Because we're THAAAAT GOOD?

I'm not sure we are.

FRedington · 2015-09-12T17:11:47+00:00

Men love the conquest. That you find her uninteresting after she shows interest may indicate she is not The One for you.

Remember those red flags? Those little annoying quirks of personality? No shared interests? Her attachment-at-the-hip to her mother? ... Those are the red flags, quirks that suggest she is not The One for you.

Maybe too, you idealized woman is the perfect 10 who hunts you down at the drop of a hat to give you the perfect blow job. Cooks you dinner every night. Washes your clothes, keeps perfect house, worships the ground you walk on, makes beau-coup bucks. Yeah, that one! -- She Does Not Exist. Get over it. See a shrink if necessary. Be happy with a real woman, but get your needs met.

You'll get there.

kneeonbelly · 2015-09-12T17:00:23+00:00

Holy shit, this is such a brand new phenp

rurpe · 2015-09-12T16:08:10+00:00

Yes, we understand why you are like this. You have no abundance mentality, no self respect, and you don't lift. Hit the gym and then work your way through the sidebar content.

Title	Help, I'm a self saboteur
Author	pinstrap
Upvotes	5
Comments	14
Date	September 12, 2015 3:51 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3koa8u/help_im_a_self_saboteur/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-im-a-self-saboteur.153729 https://theredarchive.com/post/153729

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