Are you repeatedly finding yourself in situations with a girl not knowing what to say? Then there is that awkward silence and then she tells you she needs to go and just leaves. How many romantic opportunities have you lost like this?

In this post I will teach you a basic framework you can use anytime you don’t know what to say, so that there are no longer awkward silences, and girls actually stay and engage with you, and you have an opportunity to move things forward.

Step 1 - Shift your focus from verbals to nonverbals

Men obsess about the words they need to say, but most of your focus should be on your nonverbals anyways.

Imagine telling a girl something basic like “I like football, it’s an amazing workout”

You can say this really quickly with a high pitched voice looking to seek rapport (what most men do when talking to a girl).

A girl will then say - “Yeah, wow, sounds interesting” and then look away and seek to exit the conversation because it’s boring.

Or you can say the same statement in a slow manner, deep voice, looking straight into the girls eyes with a light smirk. Now the same words have a completely different kick to it.

The girl can pick up on this and often she will smile back and say “Oh really?”

And then you can even make an innuendo by saying “Yeah, it really makes you sweat, doesn’t it” while still looking at her eyes.

And now she will probably laugh to break the sexual tension and ask you a question.

Communication is just a vehicle to show that you are confident and charismatic (desirable traits in a guy). And words are just a vehicle to carry out this demonstration.

Nonverbals also completely change the meaning behind the words.

In the example above, the first conversation was indeed about your workout and the fact you like playing football. 

The second conversation though, was about you letting the girl know you find her attractive and showing that you are comfortable demonstrating your attraction.

Step 2 - Observe and verbalize

When I am in a conversation with a girl, there are literally thousands of different ways I can take the conversation.

And I can do this by simply observing the stuff I see and verbalizing it.

When you talk to a girl, just look at her and verbalize what you see. The key is noticing the details. Let me give you an example.

When I approach women here in Barcelona, I have noticed a lot of them wear black boots. That’s a basic level 1 observation.

However, sometimes their boots have a black tag with yellow text on the back of them which means they are wearing Dr Martens boots. That’s more specific.

And you don’t need to be a fashion expert to see this - the only reason I actually know Dr Martens brand is because 30% of women in Barcelona wear their boots, and I kept noticing this tag with yellow text until one girl told me of that brand. All I did was pay attention to details and verbalised it.

And there are a lot more things you can pay attention to than her clothes. You can pay attention to her

  • Eyes: “Hmm, you have very dark eyes”
  • Body language: “You are standing like a Karate teacher giving a class”
  • Mood: “You seem quite distracted. Busy week?”

And that’s only her specifically. You can zoom out and pay attention to the environment both you and the girl are in. And within that there are many levels, too.

Level 1 - the venue

Level 2 - the city

Level 3 - the country

Endless options.

Step 3 - Squeeze the topic

The previous step will find you a topic to talk with a girl. Now you need to squeeze that topic.

Biggest mistake I see guys make is just moving from topic to topic without actually talking about anything because they are too nervous.

Guy: Where are you from?

Girl: Italy

Guy: Oh Italy, nice. What do you do?

When a girl tells you she is from Italy, and you just immediately go to the next question it shows that either you are too nervous to hold a proper conversation with her or you are not paying attention to her. Both of which are not good.

Again, if a girl tells you she is from Italy, there are millions of things you can say about that topic.

Tease her - I don’t believe you, you are not doing the hand gesture with your fingers

Future projection - Cool, I was looking to make pasta carbonara this week, do you know the recipe by heart?

Story - I met this Italian guy once and he wanted to fight me because I stepped on his shoes, is everyone there so emotional?

When you find a topic, that’s where the conversation actually happens.

Finding a topic is like looking for a ping pong table and then the back and forth is the actual playing the game. You would never go to a ping pong table, and then start looking for a new one without playing, but that’s what guys do when they talk to girls.

If you want to learn more on what to do on this stage and the different flirting techniques you can use, you can download my logical mans guide to flirting below in the description completely for free

Step 4 - Rinse and repeat

When you run out of things to say, just rinse and repeat these steps.

Observe and verbalize something new, find a topic and then use any of the conversational techniques I have taught you before and pay attention to your nonverbals.

Practice this often and you will never run out of things to say ever again.