I enjoy reading a lot and came across a write up of John Gottman’s theories by Emily Esfahani Smith.

Gottman’s theories can be a bit hard to read, but the article "Masters of Love" by Smith offers one of the most clear and easily digestible introduction to Gottman’s work, that I've found, making it very accessible to a broader audience.

A sampler of the intro to her atlantic article:

“Every day in June, the most popular wedding month of the year, about 13,000 American couples will say “I do,” committing to a lifelong relationship that will be full of friendship, joy, and love that will carry them forward to their final days on this earth.

Except, of course, it doesn’t work out that way for most people. The majority of marriages fail, either ending in divorce and separation or devolving into bitterness and dysfunction. Of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages, as psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book The Science of Happily Ever After, which was published earlier this year.”

While Gottman’s research is undeniably insightful, it can also be dense, lengthy, and challenging to navigate. His ideas on "The Four Horsemen": criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. And innovative methods like his "Love Lab," where Gottman achieved a 94% accuracy in predicting divorce are remarkable but can be tough to apply to our lives. This is where Emily Esfahani Smith’s Atlantic article excels.

This series of posts will come in 3 parts where I’ll highlight a few key points from her writing for community discussion and study.

TL;DR Research shows that emotional stability and kindness is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Both are skills and can be developed like a muscle. These are not fixed traits.