I’m drowning

Beautiful_Tax_8069 · 2025-02-08T16:54:45+00:00

Found my partner months after my divorce started I caught ever reason why she was the one but she is. Its not been easy at all but she hangs in there and we figure it out together just hope one day their is consequences for my ex wife actions

probebeta · 2025-02-06T04:14:07+00:00

Do you have kids with her? It's painful when I hear guys are crumbling because of some chick. Write her off, work hard on yourself and replace her with someone better. This is waayyy easier said than done, but it's exactly what you need to do.

Movieman_Steve · 2025-02-04T19:56:56+00:00

I've been where you're at, there's plenty of life out there for you to enjoy. What did you enjoy doing when you were single, that you stopped doing while you were married? Take that up again. Therapy and the gym has worked for me. Treat your life as like driving in a car, always look forward...never in the rearview, cause the window's bigger.

CharacterProper8732 · 2025-02-03T16:45:34+00:00

Usually when folks have that much of a hold on you, it's not "them"—it's the things they did to keep you on the hook, dolling out affection like Pac-Man pellets just enough to keep you manageable and sculptable, but never enough to keep you content and growing or feel true security. And when they leave, we think that their happiness is our responsibility. This is really the deepest sign of codependency—she was a taker, and you were a giver (I'd wager).

What's going on with her is her business, and what's going on with you is yours. That's a stranger, and you should think of the her-shaped knot you've tied in your head as an abstract representation of all the toxic attachments you're forcing yourself to feel. First, cut yourself some slack—the next time you badmouth yourself, stand up and literally say, "I deserve better than having someone in my head telling me I'm (whatever)."

Then, therapy and medication because what you're going through ain't no way to live. Then, gym. Books. Sunshine. Walks. Get a cat or a dog. If you're also Christian: 'act as if ye have faith and faith ye shall receive.'

If she continues to contact you for anything, let it sit for 24 hours and contemplate whether it's answerable or not, erring on the side of "just fuck off already."

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2025-02-03T16:29:11+00:00

Your gona be ok man. Thousands have been where you have been right now and rebuilt even better. It’s not easy but nothing good comes easy. I have been where you are now, still have hurt at times. You are not alone. Never take a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-02-03T10:41:42+00:00

Man ending it is not the solution. I know you're hurting but ending it is not the way.

Found out my wife of 20 years and the mother of my children has been cheating for 3 months. I was and still am hurting.

You have an entire life to live and you'll find someone who appreciates you and loves you.

My advice, get out side and start putting your body through some stress. Cardio, pushups, whatever you can do. Get into therapy asap as well so you can talk it out.

You got this.

Title	I’m drowning
Author	Professional_Slip829
Upvotes	10
Comments	6
Date	February 2, 2025 2:31 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ifyf38/im_drowning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/im-drowning.1542816 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542816

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