First, I appreciate you reading this. I only got my Rottweiler male boy to talk to and he does help me with his loyal company but I need some serious backlash on my insidious current situation. I’m 34 and real shit I just don’t know what’s going on. I’m enduring an 18 month dry spell. It’s even more brutal when you know you are an attractive dude with some charisma. I can’t even call it a dry spell anymore. More like a famine/drought. Three months is a dry spell and it just requires restocking the queue and maybe a couple tweaks like a baseball player who might be doing one or two things wrong in an otherwise good swing. In my case, more than a year isn’t a dry spell anymore, it’s a structural problem that has been brewing for a long time and requires drastic change. I know and I been taking it to the chin.

I quit smoking ganja 16 months ago. It’s everywhere in SoCal. Haven’t drank alcohol in a year. Never was a drinker. Breath work/exercises have helped me a lot to stay more grounded into actively listening more and striking the right words in a conversation. I do navy seal boxed breathing. Anyway. I just been sober and just lonely. I been going to church every Sunday since the year started and only missed 2 times. Been doing some community work and rescued 2 dogs of the street in the last 6 months (live in Mexico by the border and there was some strays in my block) The last one I rescued was a male German shepherd from a gas station. He got ran over by a car and was bleeding bad. Couple blood hemorrhages and blood transfusions but he made it. Kept checking up on him at the vet. The dog is now in a good home. (The female Dr vet who helped me rescue him didn’t seem interested in me at all even though I went looking fresh and dressed to the nines everytime and just chill. She lives close to me, too. Another downer to the ego but fuck it.)

I just feel like a hollow existence and miserable sometimes. How can I live in a city with hundreds of thousands of women and I can’t take one home. My motivation dwindles hardcore. I been touch starved by a chick for so long that it blunts my self esteem and confidence at times but then I take a cold shower and then soldier through it when the going gets tough.

Getting your rocks off regularly with even a cute feminine chick and confidence with women absolutely rolls into other areas of your life. Your quality of life will improve greatly once you do. In the distant past I attributed a lot of my personal success to getting laid frequently.

The only text messages I get now are bill reminders and my mom who asks about my well being. Extended family don’t even turn around to spit at me. Social exposure is severely lacking.

A very intimate girlfriend of mine passed away in 2019 due to an autoimmune condition at the age of 27. I feel like she doesn’t want to see me happy from where she’s at. She appears in my dreams. When she left , I put cold water on the burned area and tried to move on. Another battle scar.

I just started hitting up the gym a week ago. I just want to feel alive again and get some traction going to where I can flow socially and get a conversation going with a patterned female. I been truly lone wolfing for so many seasons that now I am feeling the repercussions like a thousand cuts. Respect to my lone wolves out there, trust me I been through the thick of it all in the wilderness but sometimes we do need social stimulation to attract women.

Thank you for takin the time to read this. I just had to get it out my chest.