Having anxiety about kids and age

ArkNemesis00 · 2025-10-15T13:21:24+00:00

There are pros and cons to both sides of the 20s versus 30s decision.

I would advise you save a significant amount of money in your 20s if you don't want to start a family. That way, you get to enjoy your 20s now without kids and your 50s as the kids move out and you approach retirement.

I personally went for having kids and saving up money in my 20s. It has made my 20s harder for sure, but now a lot of the hard work is done and I'm really looking forward to my 30s. Finding a balance between instant and delayed gratification is really important, even if that looks very different from what I choose. Don't lean so far into living in the moment that you set your future self up for stress and failure.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-10-15T14:12:08+00:00

But a lot of people claim that I should start family sooner, because starting a family life at 30s is worse than at 20s. Is there something wrong with me? Should I be like normal women and be married with kids by now?

Well, I'll start by saying there's a difference between being married and having kids. I have family who were high school sweethearts, married after college, but waited years to have kids. That's not the only way to do it, of course, but if you look at this man and still have no desire to marry, that might be worth considering. If you just feel that marriage is pointless until you're ready to start a family, then that's certainly your prerogative.

As for kids, there's something of a misnomer that having children younger is better, hands down. You're younger, likely healthier, have more energy, and theoretically more time in the long run to spend with those kids. Those things aren't guaranteed, though. My mother had kids at 23 and 26 and died at 60. A friend of mine is nine years younger and admits she never does anything special with her kids, preferring to stay home, while I spent fall break making memories. Some of it's genetics, some luck, and some just attitude and determination. There are also downsides, like having less money, being forced to work when you'd rather stay home, having less appreciation for how fast time flies, potentially being more likely to divorce or drop the ball as a parent if one or both of you feels they missed something. It's not just guaranteed to be perfect.

Having children older means you possibly have less energy and theoretically will be facing issues of aging and health sooner. Again, genetics, luck, life choices... they all come into play. My friend won't leave the house with her four kids over fall break, but I'll clean the house for Daddy's birthday, take the kids to the outlet mall, get his cake and fancy pizza, throw him a small party, go on a day trip to see my in-laws, hit up church, grocery shopping, and a birthday party, go to Costco and to visit Momo, then make an appearance at Storytime and spend the afternoon pushing a shopping cart with four cackling kids hanging off of it as fast as I can through Target... all while six months pregnant at 38. My sister-in-law had kids at 24 and 28, but never gets out of bed due to a combination of legitimate and fabricated health issues. Meanwhile, my husband and I have more money now, which means I can stay home, and more patience and understanding of how fast time flies, which means we can have more kids.

If I could choose for my children when they get married and have kids, I'd love to see the former happen somewhere between 23 and 27, the latter start before 30. That's also just not always how life goes or what everyone else wants. I won't pretend that having kids at 33 was undeniably better, but I've met a lot of people who probably should have waited a while, for maturity, the right partner, the right reasons, you name it. There just isn't one correct way to do this and anyone who says there is is an arrogant asshole.

Jenneapolis · 2025-10-15T15:20:05+00:00

You don't have to "be married and have kids" at 25, but do you have a plan agreed on with your partner for when you will do these things? That is really the key. When do you want to do these things and does he agree? The problem with having no plan is that when you do suddenly decide you want these things, you may find your partner does not. Even if he SAYS he does now, you really never know until the rubber hits the road and they take action. I am not saying this to scare you, but many of us were in relationships like this at one point and did not end up with that man for various reasons.

I would encourage you to think about what YOU really want and come up with a plan to get that. If you don't want to be married or have kids, that is ok, but be honest with yourself. Imagine you are 40, what does your ideal life look like? That will help you begin to plan. You do not HAVE to take a traditional route, but be honest about what you want. Despite what we are told all the time, things don't just fall into place - you really have to make them happen.

No-Ad8127 · 2025-10-15T07:48:55+00:00

28F, never had sex or been in a relationship. I have no clear direction in my life and I am nowhere near ready to date or have sex.

This type of stress and pressure from other people can potentially steer you into a place that you don’t want to be in.

In my opinion, whatever happens, happens. Forcing anything before you’re ready will do much more harm than good in a lot of cases.

Tar_N · 2025-10-15T10:26:50+00:00

31F. Got married at 27 because we were both finishing our studies. Once married, we travelled and enjoyed our lives for 3 years, then had our daughter this year. Pregnancy and motherhood has been no more difficult on me because of my age. I’m so glad I got to enjoy those child-free years with my husband. We also got to build our careers, buy a home, create some stability before bringing our daughter into this world. Parenthood is so much easier to manage when the foundation is solid, so no I don’t understand anyone telling you that starting a family in your 20’s is easier, especially in this economy. You are doing just fine. Enjoy your life :)

ETA: Maturity helps, and we all know about men and their undeveloped frontal lobes :) Don’t rush.

oldgit42 · 2025-10-15T20:10:20+00:00

I'm not sure you should be worried yet. I'm a Male, married my wife when she was 21 and I was 23. We didn't want kids immediately, but at 28 my wife (who was a teacher) suddenly wanted a child. Funnily at the exact same time I felt the same, so that July, at the end of the school year she stopped working. Our first daughter was born the next April. Almost three years later we both suddenly felt it was time for another and our second daughter was born just 3 1/4 years later.

Sure finances were tight, and we had to reign in spending a bit, but we budgeted hard and I worked hard to further my career and we made it. My wife did work from home for pin money to avoid being too bored when that second daughter started school, but we were more concerned about not having latch key kids (children come home whilst both parents are still at work)

That younger daughter turned 40 this summer. She works and had her first two children at 33 and 34. These days the schools have after school clubs that children go to until being picked up by a parent as late as 6pm.

AutoModerator · 2025-10-15T07:38:47+00:00

Title: Having anxiety about kids and age

Author No_Personality5381

Full text: I(25f) feel very stressed about what stage of life I should be at to make it "right". I'm in serious LTR since I was 17, but we never rushed it because I never had the urge to marry and have kids as young as possible, we wanted to enjoy our independence from kids and free time together while we young. But a lot of people claim that I should start family sooner, because starting a family life at 30s is worse than at 20s. Is there something wrong with me? Should I be like normal women and be married with kids by now? How do I not feel bad about myself chasing non traditional route? RedPill content makes me feel very insecure about how I perceive myself.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-10-15T07:38:48+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

sine120 · 2025-10-15T13:14:28+00:00

My wife and I got together younger than you and we didn't have kids until age 30. The reality is that people can have all the "shoulds" of having kids as they want. Most often cannot afford to raise kids properly until later, if at all. We're high earners and didn't feel financially secure until recently.

schmeowy · 2025-10-15T21:49:08+00:00

We had our two children in our 20s (I was 23 with the first and roughly 27 with the second) -- I sacrificed a career and personal growth to do it. Looking back I wouldn't change it cause now in my mind 30s I'm working on myself and studying so I can have a career, and my kids are older and life is chill.

But i wish I had focused on a career before kids because now it's a long slog to get where I want, with having to study first as a mature adult. My husband has a great career but I suffered in that department because while he was climbing the ladder, I was running a household and raising children. The gap in my resume from being a SAHM is making it so hard to get a job I want. That's the only downside to me having kids young.

One of the pros of having young kids is my energy and patience were in abundance compared to now at 36 so I'm glad I was able to raise babies and toddlers when I had the mental and physical energy to do it.

mynameisnoneofurbiz · 2025-10-17T16:58:11+00:00

Had my son at 33, after 5 years with his father. Healthy happy baby, and a healthy happy relationship to go along with it. No need to rush. It will all work out the way it should.

LateralThinker13 · 2025-10-23T19:53:25+00:00

we wanted to enjoy our independence from kids and free time together while we young

This is a common lie sold to young people today. Don't fall for it. You have two options:

Spend your youth poor, single and partying, then try to have kids (often at ruinous expense) in your 30s or 40s, and have them out of the house not much before you retire. Then it's downhill coasting until retirement homes and death, with not a lot of years to enjoy grandkids, esp. if your kids follow the same pattern.

Spend your youth having a family, enjoying the experience and building both your family and your life. Then in your 40s you're free to be grandparents and to see the world in your 40s and 50s, to do what you want with your money, and to really party without further requirements on your life.

Personally I can't recommend being a parent enough. It matures you, it teaches you what love is, and it makes you a better person. One of the most shocking things it ever did to me is to show me who I am: your kids will mirror your behaviors back at you in ways you can't downplay/ignore, both the good, the bad, and the ugly. They help you to settle down, grow up, and wise up. I highly recommend them, the sooner the better.

Frankly, these days I don't trust or respect anybody who is childfree by choice. They don't have skin in the game of life, or in the continuance of the species. If you want to know why the West is so screwed, it's because too many of its recent leaders have been childless narcissists.

AutoModerator · 2025-11-06T18:58:45+00:00

Title: Having anxiety about kids and age

Author No_Personality5381

Full text: I feel very stressed about what stage of life I should be at to make it "right". I'm in serious LTR since I was 17, but we never rushed it because I never had the urge to marry and have kids as young as possible, we wanted to enjoy our independence from kids and free time together while we young. But a lot of people claim that I should start family sooner, because starting a family life at 30s is worse than at 20s. Is there something wrong with me? Should I be like normal women and be married with kids by now? How do I not feel bad about myself chasing non traditional route? RedPill content makes me feel very insecure about how I perceive myself.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-11-06T18:58:46+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AdditionalRain4726 · 2025-10-15T17:19:08+00:00

Do not have children unless YOU are ready. Screw what anyone else thinks or says. Kids are forever and they will change ur relationship

Title	Having anxiety about kids and age
Author	No_Personality5381
Upvotes	6
Comments	28
Date	October 15, 2025 7:38 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1o74op2/having_anxiety_about_kids_and_age/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/having-anxiety-about-kids-and-age.1564162 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564162

Comments