For context, I am 25 F and he is 39 M. He got married in his early 20s, she cheated on him numerous times however the divorce was not messy but they have a child together , 12F.

They divorced over 3 years ago and I know my BF for almost 2 years. The first year was awful , he suggested we live together and it was not the best idea because almost immediatly he became unattentive to me or my needs and would neglect me but I was so smitten that I dealt with it for 8 months before I opted out of our relationship.

We did however reconnect after a few months and we agreed to give "us" one more shot and he agreed to be more attentive and loving.

For additional background he did mention that he gets these deppressive dips where he stays for months and thats what he said happened last year but he also mentioned it was around the same time that his ex started seeing someone and he felt like he lost his best friend because they were together for over 10 years. I get the sadness when someone hurts you but I did ask him numerous times before we got serious if he was emotionally ready to have a relationship and he assured me he was.

This time around things are better and I did forgive him but I am a firm believer that your mental state is important and I dont want him to fall into depression again and that is reason number 1 why I want him to talk to someone and the reason 2 is that I believe that your spouse comes first , yes I understand that kids from previous marriages were there before the new girl however me and his daugter gets along very well and our bond is not the issue.

The issue is the bond between him and his daugter. She is 12 and she sleeps next to us and would wake him up odd hours of the night and sometimes 5 times in 1 night to let him know that she is going to the bathroom of even wakes him up to hold her hand and I am not sure if it is me who was raised different but I find that partners needs privacy and that kids need independence. (He allows this and if she says she wants to sleep on the couch and watch tv then he refuses to close our bedroom door so he can hear her and keep an eye)

Some nights she would nag him for hours to massage her feet and even when he says he is too tired she doesnt stop because she know eventually she will make him feel bad enough to cave in and do as she pleases , this also applies when she wants daily icecream ( He will literally stop at a garage daily to buy her icecream and if he declines , she will ask and ask until he either buys it or gets angry at her and then she will say something like "why are you being so mean to me, you could have just said no?")

Like I said even though I get along really well with her, I see all the things she gets away with and how she tries to guilt trip him and he is not a stern parent and lets her do all this and this also affects him mentally because he feels like he is not a good father yet he does everything for her.

There are times where she would be rude to me and he will not try to stand up for me because the one time he did , she asked him why he always takes my side?.

I want him to speak to a Therapist because I want him to realize the damage he is doing by doing nothing. I love his daugter and I want her to an Independant woman but he does everything for her including bringing everything to her when she commands and she is not very neat so he will constantly pick up after her , including once filthy sanitary pads. She would often walk in front of him with only a towel and I feel like she does not respect him when he tells her he doesnt like that she walks around like that.

When we spoke about him seeing someone he said that he does not want to and he sees nothing wrong with how he is raising her and does not see the harm but I feel like this is affecting our relationship.

We have his daugther for the majority of the time ( her mother is a different story) so we have little to none privacy and she also tends to ease drop when we talk about adult subjects like finances or our future and she would then try to talk over us and change the subject or try to include herself into the subject.

I honestly love them both but if I want to get married I want a spouse that respects our privacy and I would like to have my own room and not have to share it with our daughter. Of course we are not intemate either so this is affecting our love life as well at times.

I just want him to understand that I just want whats best and to grow with him but I am afraid that if he refuses to see someone then I see no future for us.

So AITA for giving my bf this ultamatum?