Should I escalate more often than I do even though I think it will fail?

ItsGmanTime · 2026-01-20T05:30:24+00:00

When it doubt, escalate. Err on the side of boldness rather than playing it safe.

Having said that, I prefer to save kissing for my place. It's too easy to diffuse the sexual tension by kissing a girl. They feel like they already "got you" and had their fun so they're less likely to want to go back with you or meet you again.

Of course it also depends on many factors, like where exactly you're meeting these girls. Heavy kino is much more expected/normal at a night club versus meeting a girl on the street outside a bar, for example. But generally speaking, I'd save kissing for later.

Shoddy-Lingonberry-4 · 2026-01-19T16:11:13+00:00

ElBajitoGordito · 2026-01-19T16:16:50+00:00

Yes - if you find that you've never really been swerved on a kiss, you probably aren't trying enough.

Obviously if you do get swerved don't make a deal out of it and just back off and increase comfort building and other kino.

More escalation is always rewarded, and escalation starts with saying hello

norwegiandoggo · 2026-01-19T16:29:13+00:00

What's the timeline & setting here? Are you looking to escalate on the street 2 minutes after you open? Or is this the third date and you're watching a movie in your bedroom?

I think you should focus more on timing & setting - get those aligned with escalation. If escalation is an issue, and you got rejected, you probably are escalating in the wrong setting or at the wrong time.

When that one girl stopped you or rejected you when you tried to escalate, why do you think she did that? Was it lack of interest, bad timing, or the wrong setting?

You can't remove lack of interest necessarily. But you can always address bad timing or wrong setting. Move the girl to the right setting first. Make sure the timing is appropriate - then escalate.

ChicoBrillo · 2026-01-19T16:36:49+00:00

Idk man, you seem like you have a good barometer. It would be one thing if you weren't escalating with anyone, but you have and you had success. You might just be right in your thought that certain women you've been with weren't interested, it happens.

Only practical advice I could give is to start off small with someone whose harder to read. Put your hand on her shoulder or the top of her back as that isn't considered invasive touch, and she will get the hint that you're interested. From there you can gauge her reaction and proceed accordingly.

Budget-Kick822 · 2026-01-19T19:22:33+00:00

Escalate gradually until you sense indications of discomfort, then pull back. Escalating gradually means you'll run into less resistance than if you escalate suddenly, and if you pull back at the first sign of discomfort, you'll rarely blow the approach right there. Spend some more time, get the vibe going again, and then escalate again.

tilldeathdoiparty · 2026-01-20T03:34:56+00:00

If you don’t, it goes no where

If you try, there’s a chance it goes somewhere

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2026-01-20T17:04:12+00:00

Good for you for starting to work on yourself.

I went through something similar at yoru age, was tired of being bad at this so i jsut went out like crazy and worked on myself. Here's a few things. You gotta learn what works and what doestn work. I think for you, what might be happening is you arent understanding or learning from your mistakes. I went through a streak similar to you. I was making out with girls every couple months but never anything that went anywhere.

Something i learned was that girls view going out differently. Guys want to fuck girls want to have a good time. So for a woman, they value what happens in the club more than what happens after. They might kiss you for fun and then go home and have no intention of making it more than that.

Here's the thing too, dont get in your head about escalting. I did the same thing, you are assuming you know what this girl wants and is ok with. You dont know that. It's not just about escalating it's how you escalate. Like ill give you a real world example, i kissed a girl once, we were making out like crazy and i literally said "let's go back to my place". She said no. But i could've made it more smooth.

Me and my friend had this discussion, where we realied the best strategy was to lead the way but also make let the girl know that it's her decision, you dont care regardless of waht the decision is you are having a good time and she can end that whenever she wants. That's a hard line to find but what we would do was, let's say we talked to a girl at a club, danced, kissed, etc. We gave her those 2-3 hours of fun, didnt try to take it further. Then when it was clear people were kind of done iwth the club there's that moment that you can't let pass of either go home and never see that girl again or try to make something happen. So in this moment, i would approach the girl, put my hand on her waist and stare at her very closely and say something like "so what are we doing for the rest of the night?" if she's into you she will give a playful maybe like "idk what were you thinking?" and id say something like "well i got a bottle of unopened wine we can try out while we watch a movie". If at any moment she pushes back, i pushes back and end the night. It's about making her feel comfortable. Leading but also making it clear that it's her choice and she can end the night whenever. Girls get slut shamed so they avoid ONS, but they sitll want to do it in the moment. But if you go "let's fuck" it turns them off because you just treated them like a sex doll. But if you make it more like "i've had fun let's continue it and you can leave whenever you want to" the girl mgiht think "well we arent going to fuck im having fun and want to continue it" then she's at your place and the more comfortable she gets the more willing she may want to take it that far. Again if at any moment she pushes back, say "no worries" and dont do anything again. She may respect that way more and you may actually get a callback because of that.

So for you, you can't be afraid to escalate. Just know how to read body langage. Reading body langauage is becoming a lost art. If you get good at reading body language a woman will tell you what she is ok with you doing to her or not pretty quickly. It's not about just throwing yourself at this girl, it's about slowly inching closer and closer and seeing what she is ok with .

Weekly-Ad-8665 · 2026-01-21T18:57:03+00:00

Thanks for all the answers guys. After reading them, I´ve realised that I should take some more risks from now on. I have been expecting girls to do too much of the work. I am going to make a more consciouss effort to escalate and taste the waters. I will let you know how it goes in a couple months!

Title	Should I escalate more often than I do even though I think it will fail?
Author	Weekly-Ad-8665
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	January 19, 2026 4:08 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qh8akl/should_i_escalate_more_often_than_i_do_even/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-escalate-more-often-than-i-do-even-though.1571539 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571539

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