Where do I go from here?

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-02-05T13:55:41+00:00

I’m with you at the 12 year mark, it’s been awful for me. I just wanted to jump in and wish you the best on your journey and let you know you are not alone. This sub has been very helpful for me. Take care of yourself first.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-03T17:27:56+00:00

I divorced my wife after 14 years of marriage. That was eight years ago. It was the second most difficult thing I experienced in my life. Totally worth it. My life is way better now.

There's no reconciliation because genuine desire cannot be negotiated. The point of marriage isn’t to endure it. There is no prize for making a miserable marriage last a long time. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership cemented by attraction, affection, respect and love that you enter into to make it easier for both of you get through life together. It’s like you become a team of horses, and you both help pull the wagon, and it’s easier with two than with one. But being yoked in a team with a partner that isn’t pulling is worse than having no partner at all.

I'm going to provide you links to other posts in this sub that will help you get started and answer a ton of questions:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c2n16i/fundamentals_you_need_a_family_law_attorney/

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c1u1g6/fundamentals_do_not_move_out/

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ogjhm0/wait_at_least_one_year_after_divorce_before_dating/

Aggravating_Chip3285 · 2026-02-02T06:56:41+00:00

I’m here with you man. It sucks , you just need to separate yourself from the grief with the situation and move on. It fucking sucks though . Painful , but trust you will get through it

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-02-02T06:33:23+00:00

Start getting grounded by focusing on the basics of life. Clean house, clean home cooked food, work and finances, exercise for physical health and then mental work.
The mental work includes reflection, accountability and processing of how you got where you are and how to move forward. Be kind to yourself and remember it takes 2 people to make a relationship work so don't put all the blame on yourself. Keep a list of the things she did that you despised. Keep a list of reasons why you are better off without her.
Slowly with this structure start rebuilding and celebrate your wins along the way.
Keep away from bad distractions like drugs/alcohol/dating until you are in a better mental place.
Good luck my guy!

reclaimDad · 2026-02-02T03:58:44+00:00

That’s a brutal landing. A friend went through something similar — long marriage, fast ending — and the part that messed him up most wasn’t the divorce itself, it was the sudden loss of structure. Home, routines, identity… all gone at once.

What helped him early wasn’t trying to “figure out his future,” but getting grounded in the next few weeks so he didn’t spiral or make decisions he couldn’t undo. Grief plus urgency is a rough combo.

If you want, I can share a couple things that helped him get oriented when everything felt upside down. Not fixes — just ways to stay steady long enough to breathe again.

Either way, 16 years doesn’t disappear just because paperwork got signed. You’re not weak for feeling wrecked.

GoldBunch7294 · 2026-02-02T03:39:14+00:00

Sixteen years doesn’t just end — it rips out a whole identity. Getting thrown out that fast would wreck anyone. Regret is loud right now, but it doesn’t mean you failed or that it was all on you. You didn’t quit — it ended without your consent. For now, just focus on getting stable and through the days. The “finding yourself” part comes later, even if it sounds impossible right now. You’re not alone in this.

Title	Where do I go from here?
Author	Bigpapawolfie
Upvotes	6
Comments	10
Date	February 2, 2026 3:37 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qtk4j4/where_do_i_go_from_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/where-do-i-go-from-here.1572519 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572519

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