Did your man want an independent woman or did he want to be needed?

pearlsandstilettos · 2026-02-16T00:20:56+00:00

Responding to your edit OP:

Among a lot of other things this is what the sidebar says about education and career.

Appearance and behavior should be emphasized and focused on first. Women are going to draw interest from men by creating a visually appealing look, and by having a pleasant and desirable personality. Education and work are supplementary accomplishments that will encourage a man to stick around and learn more. A woman should not lead with work or education, nor should she ignore her personal appearance and personality because she thinks her professional pedigree will lock a man down.

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7bo6kf/education_profession_and_the_rp_woman/

If this is where you are reading that girl's should not focus on grades then think you are misunderstanding. This is one aspect of a much longer post. The RPW theory does not say that you should not do well in school or life. In fact, this can put you in contact with desirable men. We do promote the idea that women should not be leading with their career and education as selling features because for men, education does not impact SMV (which gets your foot in the door). There is more to finding a long term partner than SMV

Wife_and_Mama · 2026-02-13T16:16:07+00:00

I don't really think this is an either/or situation. Few people want someone who makes them feel unneeded. Few people want to be romantic caretakers. I also think you're romanticizing the motivation behind the latter. Some men might want stay-at-home wives so they feel needed, but others want one so they feel cared for by someone who can Do All the Things while they work. Still, others want control. They want to know she can't leave, that he's the sole provider of resources.

Egalitarian is one of those buzzwords that's sort of been co-opted to mean a 50/50 split. It really just means that both people in a relationship are equal and deserve equal rights an opportunities. There aren't hard rules about what falls to whom as long as they're both treated equally. Personally, I'd still call my very traditional setup egalitarian. My husband takes care of the house and kifs right alongside me, because they're his house and kids. I stay home because it's what's best for us right now, but he'll support my career again when the kids are in school.

As for being needed or independent... my husband was attracted to the fact that I supported myself. I had a degree and a career. I worked hard and could make good financial decisions. His presence still improved my life, though, so he still felt needed. It's really not one or the other.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2026-02-13T22:37:48+00:00

you can rely on your partner for all kinds of support and not need to be so independent.

Maybe it is, but you get there gradually. You can't need or rely on a new boyfriend that way. A partner is not a crutch. I know my husband specifically wanted a woman who could stand on her own - who chose to be with him because it made her "already good" life better, not because she needed him to live a good life. Same went for me.

I would separate the "finding a man you can lean on" issue from the "finding a man who can financially support you" issue. The two really don't have to be linked.

I have the kind of relationship you describe in your comments. There is still a lot of leaning on each other, a lot of areas where he depends on me, and the expectation that either of us would still be able to live life like an independent adult if something bad happened. I do lean on my husband a lot but I am still responsible for my emotions and for having a measure of self reliance. A man, even a dominant dependable man, is not a ticket out of the world of adult responsibilites.

Jenneapolis · 2026-02-13T17:31:10+00:00

It depends on how you define "independent." If you define it as earning your own money and working, then no not all men will expect that. But if by independent you mean competent and capable, and not needy, then yes most if not all men want this. Stay at home mom's require independence - they are running a home daily and need to be able to get shit done on their own while the husband is at work. Unless you have more of a BDSM dynamic where a man wants to be in total control, then it's unlikely men will want a woman who is "needy."

My husband required an independent wife because he works, is very busy with decision making all day, and just wants me to handle things. It takes a lot off his plate so he can focus on being successful at work - even simple things like making sure he has in the fridge what he needs when he runs out without him having to ask. We just divide and conquer well.

Beachdog1234 · 2026-02-15T04:06:11+00:00

Men need to contribute, provide and feel appreciated. Nothing more than having purpose and validation from the person they love.

Deliaallmylife · 2026-02-14T15:18:11+00:00

My relationship is a blend of kink and RPW captain/first mate. Some people here have tried to convince me to call it TPE (yes you P, I know you are reading this) so take that however you like.

I have been with my husband since I was 24. I'm in my 40s now. When we got together I had my own job and apartment. He was completing a degree and liked that I was independent enough not to be a drain AND would cook for him.

In time and as life allowed, he has taken over as the head of household (and built a sex dungeon for the other stuff 😂). That means that yes, if my car breaks he fixes it and if I have a rough day, he's there to hold me and help in whatever way he is capable of.

But he has expectations of me in the relationship as well. While the authority is his, the workload and responsibility is shared. We would have never made it to marriage if I wanted to be "the oldest child in the house" (in RP terms). His best friend had a woman like this and it made the friend sad and it made my husband frustrated to watch. He does a lot but he can do a lot because I'm a mature responsible woman who he can rely on to hold down the fort while he's doing his thing. This has been true both before and after children but of course kids make it even more important. So at least you have that going for you since you won't have them to worry about.

Husband likes to be needed but it's the type of need. If I couldn't stand on my own or asked him to do everything for me, he would either get burned out or he would be limited in what he is able to accomplish in life. He describes me as his Number Two. I don't fill that role by laying down all my responsibilities. And I think my submission probably means more because it's not out of desperation but out of a deep love for him.

And I don't know how this works for other men, but he also says that you can trust a woman more when she's been with you since before you "made it". I believe I get a side of him that no one else would get even if I died tomorrow and he started dating again. Sometimes you need to find the right person at the right time.

VividTax6610 · 2026-02-15T02:55:50+00:00

There are so many snakes in the RP community though. I dated a man who literally said he “loved women”—total bs since what he really loved was jerking off 3 times a day—and never wanted his wife to need to work. However, I offered to pay off his $300 parking ticket one time (this guy is 9 years older than I am btw), and then, suddenly he expects me to dish out money for him several times a week to pay for his expenses, and whenever I didn’t offer to give him money right away he would become really moody.

After that I hear him say on a debate live, that he doesn’t “mind” his wife working, as if he’s doing his wife a favor by letting her pay for his expenses. I had no interest in working, but I had to because I didn’t have anyone to take care of me at the time.

He then loses his job twice (but it’s never his fault), and I start paying for everything for him, and he has the audacity to say that I’m only doing this because I selfishly feel good about giving money and taking care of people. He goes on further to say than unlike me, he’s selfless because he would literally die for me. ☠️

He would also regularly get mad at me for complaining about being in pain due to a health condition and sleeping in on the weekends, despite chronically complaining about depression himself. Also, whenever I went out to run an errand or visit relatives he would accuse me of seeing other men in secret.

I wasn’t perfect though and would make mistakes in video games, which we played together since he’s a gamer, and also accidentally buy the wrong things for him. I definitely should have been paying more attention to his instructions; however, he would double down and yell, calling me names when unlike him my mistakes could be easily corrected and weren’t a huge financial hit.

He also has two separate baby Mommas and a 100+ body count, which he acquired as a kid tbf, while I’m a virgin. Oh and, I even agreed that he could sleep with as many women as he wanted and then, he took that as an invitation to have a second wife and wanted me to also be in a relationship with her.

He was also extremely delusional and though just because he ran through woman as a kid and was dating a pretty virgin that he was some sort of Chad. However, all his exes were overweight, and he has the audacity to try to gaslight me into thinking I’m mid to every other man BUT him.

The only reason I was even with him was because I had extremely low self esteem due to my condition and was a hermit, believing no one would want to deal with me due to my overwhelming health condition. We met on the internet btw.

There’s so many guys out there that are barely scrapping by or unemployed who think they deserve a woman who is both pretty, a virgin, and sweet all the time yet want her to have the responsibilities of a man. In his case, he went as far as to completely drop the ball of any responsibility hoisting the full burden onto me, yet at the same time he denigrates me when I start acting masculine due to stress. For instance, we were having a conversation while I was trying to fix my computer for work and was getting frustrated. He then laughs at me and says I’m acting like a man.

Basically he wanted all the authority, but I have to bare all of the stress and responsibility, all the while maintaining my sweetness and femininity.

AutoModerator · 2026-02-13T15:37:30+00:00

Title: Did your man want an independent woman or did he want to be needed?

Author Muted_Apricot_4640

Full text: I am kind of under the impression that part of the point of a male led marriage/relationship is that you can rely on your partner for all kinds of support and not need to be so independent.

It seems to be that there are two types of men. Men who want egalitarian relationship and men who want to be needed. I was under impression that men attracted to trad relationships are ones where they need to be needed, and like to be leaned upon. Am I wrong? Did your man prefer an independent woman when you met?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2026-02-13T15:37:31+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

flower_power_g1rl · 2026-02-16T08:56:39+00:00

They want both, at different times

Title	Did your man want an independent woman or did he want to be needed?
Author	Muted_Apricot_4640
Upvotes	21
Comments	37
Date	February 13, 2026 3:37 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1r3sdl0/did_your_man_want_an_independent_woman_or_did_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/did-your-man-want-an-independent-woman-or-did-he.1573371 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573371

Comments