I've gotten over the fear of approaching, but I still have the fear of coming off as pushy

JudgmentPuzzleheaded · 2026-02-23T20:41:47+00:00

The truth is the only way to calibrate is to both underdo it and overdo it.

I was naturally a nice guy that underdid it, and I forced myself to act while I was learning which caused me to overdo it a fair bit and come off pushy, or not 'pushy' but poorly calibrated.

Too quick too clumsy poor timing etc.

Now I'm at the point where I literally don't try, it just comes naturally, and I don't really embarrass myself anymore, as a result of failing a bunch in both directions.

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2026-02-23T20:56:01+00:00

first, congrats getting past that fear of approaching.

Next step, is stop getting in your head so much. Every man is different but i had a similar issue when i was finally able to approach, i was trying to come up wiht the perfect conversation and be 10 steps ahead. In reality if you can just enjoy the moment and enjoy the conversation, not try to tiptoe around the covnersation or avoid gettin gher upset.

Because in reality you are overthinking it, every woman is different so those questions you are preparing might work with 1 woman, but might not with another. Reallyt he key is to learn how to go with the punches, learn how to adjust confidently.

Like your fear of appraching, it's exposure therapy. SO for me i started doing events where it's normal to approach and encouraged. Networking events, meetups, etc. Id approiach men and women. Strike up a conversation, shoot the hsit etc. What i noticed was i was better at doing it with men than i was with women (obviously). So i decided ot translate that into women and understand why it was so easy with guys and not with women. Then i realized, im tyring to fuck these owmen even when i think im not. Im tiptoeing around the conversation. So when i said something off to a guy and he looked at me weird, i recovered well or i just decided we just didnt vibe and walked away after i said my goodbyes. But when it happened ot a woman, i got flustered, felt embarrassed, fumbled, tried to recover, etc. So i had to translate that into women, best way to do it was to go in to every conversation similar to how i go in with men, id ont care if i ever se eyou again, i will be myself and if i look like a fool, then who cares im never going to see you again. After a few times of doing that i got less flustered, few times i was able to recover the fumble, few times i wasnt but i didnt care i either rolled with the punches or just accepted that it wasnt happenign with this girl. Few times i was having a lovely conversation and jus twalked away from it. Accepted that it was just a nice conversation and i didnt need her number. For me i wasnt trying to get a GF at these events, just used to the idea of tlaking to a stranger and expecting nothing in return.

Because something i noticed in myself and i notice in other men, men who struggle to approach women really struggle to approach stragners in general. Like i was social with friends, queit wiht strangers. Thing is a woman is a stranger even if she ends up being your GF at some poiint, she started off as a stranger. So i had to learn to be more social, be more genuine around strangers. Sp for you id recommend just trying to strike conversation with as much people as possible and dont expect anything in return. If you thnk it went well (man or woman) get their number. But dont do it to get a date out of it, do it to make a new friend. You never know when that guy or girl you met leads to your future wife or hookup.

So when it comes to approahcing, first focus on your own nejoyment. Try to have as much fun as you can wihtout the women being involved. Then if you see girls you like, go shoot the shit with them. I have found tha tfor me, when my social battery is high i can be good at being witty. But sometimes i need to charge it by just tlaking to people iwht no pressure at all.

Also understand this, women go out for fun men go out ot get laid. So for me when i understood that, i stopped expecting to get a number after 5 minutes of conversation. For a woman to even consider it you gotta give her a fun night even if that means 2-3 hours of it. The idea of wowing so one so much in 5 minutes that you get her number is mostly just in the movies (it's possible but not most cases). Again your problem is you are overthinking it, you are going into every female interaction like "I need her number what can i say to lead it there?". INstead of living in the moment.

Like for me i used to be afraid of getting a woman upset so i wouldnt be myself and would try to be too agreeable or likeable. But when i stopped doing that, i was talking so much shit. But not to their expense, just causlally having a fun conversation and then when i felt like i was in, taking something she said and using it as a joke. So one time i was with a woman at a bar. She talks about how her parents are paying for her med school and i go "oh so youre a nepo baby" and make a few jokes about it. She's a bit annoyed but likes the playful banter so when she tried to justify it i go "tbh i think you shouild own it. nothing wrong with being a nepo baby". That threw her off because she didnt expect that answer and laughs and we debate about nepo babies for a bit. WHere in the past, id be too scared to call her a nepo baby out of fear of her being mad at me. And the debate id just agree with shit she said. Or id respectfully disagree, like "i see how you got there but i disgree". Where now it's ok to be jokingly be like "well youre wrong and im right" in a non ego way.

Back2theCouture · 2026-02-23T23:13:40+00:00

It’s not about personal vs non personal. It’s about emotional vs non emotional.

If you wanna build rapport immediately with a stranger girl/woman you gotta connect with her emotionally. Even if you wanna ask questions, ask something that touches her emotional side.

For example:

Tell her she looks stunning with whatever she’s wearing. To our eyes as guys, we think we just said that as a statement of fact plus as a flirt/compliment. But to most women she feels like her choice of clothes is appreciated. You can always dig deeper with this topic alone. Believe me, just talking about her clothes, sneakers, watch, can take 10-20 mins if you know how to do it right.
Ask her what she’s doing here or what brought her here (whatever “here” is). To us we just wanna know more about her, like digging some more info. But that kinda question can open a way for her to share her decision-making with you which is typically emotional-based. Maybe she’s bored at home. Maybe she just had a big fight with her ex or parents.
Ask what her favorite food or drink is, where she gets it from. Again, for us guys it’s just like collecting more info about her. But it’s a good way for her to share with you WHY she loves it. Maybe the taste, maybe her memory in the past like her childhood. It invokes her happy feelings. And now you and her talk about it.

TMGP19 · 2026-02-24T03:51:41+00:00

When it comes to cold approach it doesn't matter too much what you say, if it comes off robotic, or if it's simplistic. The #1 factor is how confident you come off verbally/body language and deregulated (no scripts and authentic/forward). You will end up realizing this at the 2000-5000 mark, from my experience. Women don't remember or care about the initial interaction as much as one might believe. Being pushy is also essential for pulling on insta-dates and your willingness to ask 5-10 times for the pull in my experience is necessary for some girls to acquiesce especially if they're in a positive micro state the day you meet her. This type of persistence is key. Tempering it down? You'll virtually never know when this strategy will be effective to any particular woman while on the date... it's a guessing game and you're better off being maximally forward. There's no such thing as "burning the bridge" as she was (90% + cases) going to ghost regardless of how your interaction went. Being extra pushy can only help you.

Dandys3107 · 2026-02-24T07:53:52+00:00

You pay close attention to girl's body language and if she takes any initiative herself or at least support your conversation subject. You should not think of seduction as filling up 0s and 1s in proper combination, sometimes it will get sideways for whatever reason, sometimes you will fail with perfect game strategy, sometimes some silly idea will won her heart. Embrace the risk, enjoy the moment, improve your game by testing different mindsets and methods.

Best-Yesterday1216 · 2026-02-24T20:31:43+00:00

What did you do? I am getting back into this and fell off

Title	I've gotten over the fear of approaching, but I still have the fear of coming off as pushy
Author	Admirable_Cold7944
Upvotes	12
Comments	17
Date	February 23, 2026 8:35 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1rct4j0/ive_gotten_over_the_fear_of_approaching_but_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-gotten-over-the-fear-of-approaching-but-i.1574107 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574107

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