Not here to attack religion or debate philosophy/theology. I’m just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience.

I’m an ex–Roman Catholic, and I feel like the mindset I absorbed in Christian communities hurt my romantic life. After leaving, I got into the pickup/seduction space (mixed bag, but some of it genuinely helped me improve socially and become more attractive).

Looking back, here are some patterns I think held me back:

  1. “Selflessness” turned into simping. I was taught that expecting reciprocation was selfish, so I overgave and tolerated one-sided dynamics.
  2. “God has a plan.” I believed I didn’t need to actively improve myself because the right woman would just appear. Meanwhile, more confident, proactive guys succeeded.
  3. Downplaying attraction and status. I assumed Christian women wouldn’t care about confidence, looks, or finances. In reality, they’re human like everyone else. But I’d internalized the idea that pursuing strength, ambition, or money was “greedy” or shallow.
  4. Over-glorifying forgiveness. I ignored red flags and excused bad behavior because I thought unconditional love meant endless tolerance.
  5. Stigmatizing sexual tension. I was taught that creating that sexual spark was wrong, but I later realized it’s an essential part of dating.

To be clear, I’m speaking as a straight man about my experience, however I know some of this can apply in reverse too for women.

Has anyone else felt like certain religious teachings shaped their dating mindset in ways they later had to unlearn? Again I'm not here to debate, just want to know if there's anyone like me out there.