“I feel like if we don't have sex, you'll kick me out”

WolfenSatyr · 2015-12-10T13:46:11+00:00

Soft next, implement dread.

She knows the score, she's trying to get you to break frame. If you let her hang around without putting out, it needs to be your decision.

tangman · 2015-12-10T16:48:26+00:00

"If you don't enjoy it then don't do it."

asktrp95 · 2015-12-10T12:41:50+00:00

Seems to me if you say something like that you want more than sex. Probably looking to get upgraded maybe?

mksu · 2015-12-10T16:36:24+00:00

If she feels pressured to have sex with you and doesn't want that out of her own will, what makes you think she'll make a good ltr? I'd say plate her.

FrameWalker · 2015-12-10T14:55:42+00:00

If it's before you've had sex it's not a comfort test. It's a shit test. Really hard to tell the difference, they look and feel the same but you have to figure out the motives.

This early on its classified as drama. She's using an emotional appeal to negotiate how much time and attention she gets for sex. She's not afraid of losing you, you're an orbiter until you fuck her and wholly disposable.
99% sure it's a shit test and shouldn't be answered seriously. The tone needs to be silly playful. "what the fuck are you talking about lady" with a huge smile or just a laugh. Respond with extreme amusement.

"actually you're getting kicked out regardless ;) " don't let it affect you

MattyAnon · 2015-12-11T08:43:08+00:00

I feel pressured because I'f I don't do it, you'll just get someone else to".

Well, she's got a point. But equally you want her to be willing and keen and not have sex out of pressure.

She's putting you in a no-win position here, and that's not fair. You do need a good way to deal with it though.

You are supposed to respond by saying "no, of course not honey, stay the night and that's fine, we don't need to have sex".

If it's an LTR, one response is the LMR freeze out (withdraw attention and validation), coupled with not kicking her out. So you're not triggering her threat-avoidance fear of being ditched, but equally you're not pandering to her "make him wait" shit-test either.

I think this is a short phase for you, that will resolve itself in time. They can probably sense your ONS/FWB experience and want to date you, so that means no first night sex, but they're aware of how you usually operate and what that means for her. Hence her mumblings as you describe.

Obviously if it's FWB it's titsorgtfo.

NightwingTRP · 2015-12-10T17:21:57+00:00

This is a standard comfort test. She's concerned she's never going to be anything more than a fuck buddy to you but also fears losing you if she's not that. It's a bad place to leave a plate because they can act irrationally as a result of the feelz. You've got three options:

comfort her
ditch her
attempt to string her along

Comforting her is relatively straightforward. Laugh at how absurd the notion is then tell her she's implying something very insulting about you that you're only using her for sex and she should apologise. Then point out that her feelings are probably coming from her own belief that she's not worthy of you. If that is the case, she should take a hard look at herself and ask herself what she brings to a relationship with you besides sex and if there is little or nothing in her answer to this, she needs to work on herself if she wants some kind of relationship with you.

If you want to ditch her, either ghost her or you can dread her and keep her as a plate until she smashes (though during this she will be looking for a branch to swing to and will only hang around with you until she finds another man. She'll be particularly upset around the time she probably ends up downgrading.)

Attempting to string her along is the hardest option. You need to address the comfort test in a similar fashion to how I described above, but make it seem like you're only considering her and she's still auditioning. Then make it clear that while you're interested in her, you like relationships to develop naturally because trying to force things and define things tends to break them. Usually a chick will agree with this. My personal record for stringing a chick along after "the talk" is about 8 months, so it can be done if you're careful with your words.

Title	“I feel like if we don't have sex, you'll kick me out”
Author	asktrp95
Upvotes	1
Comments	22
Date	December 10, 2015 12:36 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3w7t9o/i_feel_like_if_we_dont_have_sex_youll_kick_me_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-feel-like-if-we-dont-have-sex-youll-kick-me-out.157660 https://theredarchive.com/post/157660

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