Hi all

Married in California for 2.8 years. No kids, no shared assets or joint accounts. I’ve been supporting us fully paying rent and bills. We lived in a different state for 2 years where I supported her while she went to grad school.Then we moved back to California for my job and she got a decent job in the last 6 months but I’ve still been paying for everything. I make 2.5-3x her salary

I told her I wanted to split about 5 months ago and we’ve been living separately in the house waiting out the lease. I got scared and got a lawyer, worrying about the fact that I’ve been paying for everything and still be on the hook for paying her alimony. I was thinking that her and I could agree on a clean break where she keeps the stuff in the house and I keep my 401k and don’t pay alimony. In response, she got a lawyer and said we should have done divorce mitigation.

I am wondering, did I screw up by getting a lawyer and could I have just done mitigation? Would it be worth it to try and obtain my retainer fee back from the lawyer and try for mitigation? Or do I just continue on this path and hope for minimal financial pain?

Thanks for your thoughts