Divorce is Painful

darmitage55 · 2026-04-03T21:30:01+00:00

That grief for the family you imagined is real, and it deserves space. What stands out is how much you care about your child's future. Research is clear on this: kids don't need a perfect family. They need one parent who stays emotionally present and consistent. You're already asking the right questions. That matters more than you know.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-04-03T02:33:43+00:00

If you two can effectively co-parent and if the kid is really young - the impact of the change won't be felt much, but giving off "poor kid" vibes will resonate. Make the best of your time and the situation, your kid will be fine if you get fine.

nomohydro · 2026-04-02T15:16:05+00:00

So sorry hurts so much, biggest gut punch of my life. For months I had to fight ending myself.

Fast forward starting my PhD in the fall. It gets better!

She tells me professors don't make that much instead of encouraging. LMAO

BuilderOk8069 · 2026-04-02T14:59:48+00:00

Yes it is painful.

I can give perspective on the concern you have about the baby though.

In my early 20s I had a kid with my girlfriend. We intended to marry, but we split up before he turned 1. We were together in a tumultuous relationship for about 4 years leading up to that point. I felt very bad about the relationship ending but I knew it was the only chance our son had of having at least one parent trying to be mentally and physically healthy/stable. It’s now 24 years later. My son’s childhood was rough and he flat out thanks me for having stayed the course because I was able to save him over and over again. His mom had primary custody until he turned 14, he moved in with me and my current (stbx) wife then and his mother died a year later. Staying together would not have spared him any of the pain and I know without a doubt it would have led me deep into alcoholism. I was only able to show up as a good father because I wasn’t spending my energy showing up for a bad marriage.

My second child turns 9 soon. The writing on the wall was there not long after stbx and I married. There was lots of trauma to our relationship when older son moved in with us, his mother died, and stbx suffered intense post partum depression. It was clear by the time younger son turned 1 that our marriage was unwell and beyond repair. I did not want to go through a second round of the nightmare I just finished living. I did not want my younger son to have a “broken family” like my older son did. 8 years later and we’re divorcing. But now, younger son knows what an intact family is, and dysfunctional as it’s been, he’s going to feel the loss of that. To make matters worse, I’ve accumulated 8 years of assets that will have to be split, 8 years of potential alimony calculation, and 8 years of history that will be curated in stbx’s strategy against me. Almost none of the past 8 years has built the loving family memories that I thought staying together would foster. And to top it all off, I spent the last portion of what should have been a very sexually active stage of my life in a dead bedroom. There hasn’t been a single piece of weathering the storm that has paid off. It’s only been accumulation of cost.

All that being said, feel what you feel and keep moving forward with courage. Both things are ok.

Clear-Sail-5298 · 2026-04-02T13:40:39+00:00

Life wouldn’t be better off staying. You need to think of how far a man must be pushed to want to leave. We are creatures of comfort and habit. Our comfort was in jeopardy and the habits were becoming bad. Keep that in mind.
No, she likely won’t feel remorse. I haven’t found too many women that do in these circumstances. They usually have a number of voices in their ear, directing them every which way, and generally turning them more callous. I do not recognize my ex. I would have stayed for the kids maybe until I saw the model it was setting for them. 50% of married people go through this, so I mean we’re not alone and we’re not the first. And most of them made it through to the other side just fine. Something to think about

Title	Divorce is Painful
Author	A-aronthestar
Upvotes	17
Comments	5
Date	April 2, 2026 1:14 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sah2uh/divorce_is_painful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-is-painful.1576974 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576974

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