I am a 29 years old male and got dumped, need advice on nexting method.

lionofthejungle · 2015-12-11T18:10:36+00:00

She has control over you, she knows it, and it's feeding her ego. Stop feeding her ego. Cut off all contact. HARD NEXT.

wing911 · 2015-12-11T18:45:16+00:00

HARD NEXT that is what i did i just turn 28 GF cheated on my 1 month before my BD. ask my self is she worth the energy ? fk no someone else deserve my time not her. i dont like to waste time on dead ppl.

Look at your self in the mirror have some self respect please. you are not even worth anything in your own eyes. how you expect other ppl to give you any value.

sodainthewatercup6 · 2015-12-11T18:43:22+00:00

That voice in your head is from all those retard movies and fairytale stories you were spoonfed in your youth.

Move on and prove to yourself that you don't need her. Life before her was good, and life after her will be better.

Thotwrecker · 2015-12-11T20:27:31+00:00

You are giving her the benefits of a relationship without her giving you anything. Ideal for her.

You provide her emotional validation and support (daily chit chats about whatever she wants to talk about). This female behavior stems from her desire to keep all branches primed and ready should the new Chad tire of her and not commit. Then it's back to your dumb ass.

You are living in fantasy land if you think that you're being mature by "staying friends" with her. The one thing relationships subreddits as BP as they are on reddit generally get is that you cannot stay friends with a girl that you want to fuck. Why would you make yourself a friendzoned orbiter to a chick you've ALREADY HAD. That makes zero sense.

Go cold turkey. When I broke up with my HS gf I remember I literally felt paralyzed for 2 weeks. I didn't work out, I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I couldn't play video games, I couldn't study. I just would center my entire focus and thoughts around how I was going to get her back, and how I could craft every interaction to maximize my chances. But I was 17 then and we had been dating for 1 year and I thought we would be together through college and shit. I had an excuse; I was a dumb ass 17 year old!

You are 29. You should have this routine down. Cancel that bitch. Block her FB, delete her number, tell mutual friends they don't have to choose, but you won't be at events she will.

Hit the gym and focus on your career. Every time you feel the urge to contact her, get dressed and get your ass out to somewhere where there's pussy. Just talk to other women and realize that there's plenty of better chicks out there.

Do not let her into your life in anyway for at least 6 months. I guarantee you this will probably disturb her enough to make her try to get you back, especially if her new dick doesn't pan out. At that point, I recommend just saying no.

Cancel that bitch

SwallowRP · 2015-12-12T04:36:30+00:00

Sex up other women.

Boom, male brain solved itself.

Metalgear222 · 2015-12-11T18:44:23+00:00

You gotta stop talking to this girl man. Get out of her influence completely cause its causing to you be sick. You'll get your freedom back when you start approaching other girls. Bonus points if you do it in front of her.

minoc_uo · 2015-12-12T01:32:49+00:00

You know what you need to do man.

MattyAnon · 2015-12-12T03:35:40+00:00

I have calculated that I lose about 60 minutes of my day

You know what the problem is. You're honest with yourself. Now just stop doing it. Quit all the stalking for starters - she's out of your life now. Don't worry too much about the thinking thing - instead concentrate on making positive steps in your own life.

Do you think it is advisable for a 29 year old man who shares

Do as clean a break as you can without being too reactive. So don't delete her on FB, but instead lock down FB to be as private as possible, other than for "close friends", and add others to that. Treat her as a friend and limit it to that, for the sake of social appearances. Obviously don't fucking orbit.

Most importantly.... make plans to grow the rest of your life, and act on them.

MightyTaint · 2015-12-11T21:32:13+00:00

talking in average 10 to 15 minutes everyday about weather/work/food/diet/insert_other_random_topic_here

Congratulations being an orbiter. You know she dumped you to fuck someone else right? And it's likely she was already fucking him, but wanted to dump you so she can start remembering "I dumped you before I got with Chad."

Do you think it is advisable for a 29 year old man who shares a small part ( around 8 people) of his social circle with his ex girlfriend to block her from everywhere and go hard next ?

Yes, insomuch as your mutual friends respect your wishes. You don't have to run around telling everyone "I don't ever ever wanna see Julie again!!" But you can make it obvious other ways over a little time. If it ever comes up, just be like "I just need some time to sort myself over breaking up." And they'll think nothing of it. If you let on that you're hurt or upset or anything, they're just going to think you're a big baby bitch.

You are onto one thing though OP. You (deep down) do know what you should do, and that's hard next her. That doesn't mean it's easy, but in the long run, it is going to do tremendous amounts of good in helping you get over her and rebuilding your self esteem. Even though you didn't even say anything terrible cringe worthy, I can tell your esteem is through the floor, and you need some time to work on yourself and rebuild your self image. The longer you talk to her and stalk her, the longer it's going to take to do that. You've already wasted enough time on this person, don't waste anymore. Especially since she's already moved on (before she even dumped you).

sadnesspickle · 2015-12-11T23:39:41+00:00

Stop talking to her: this is going to be the hardest part. Because part of you will want to continue talking to her, and part of you wants to go in to self-preservation mode. However, when you do, you start to feel guilty when she tries reaching out to you because ultimately you still care about her and don't want to be awful to her, so at your own pain you end up engaging her. Don't do it.
Accept your feelings: They don't disappear overnight. Acknowledge you still have them, acknowledge it's okay to have them. What matters isn't what you feel, it's what you do with it and how you act. Once you accept that you'll have feelings, and continue to have feelings likely for some time, you'll start to feel slightly better. You'll think about her every day, then soon it'll become every other day, then soon once a week, once a month, once a year. Sometimes you'll go a few months without thinking about her, and then all of a sudden you'll think about about her for a week straight. It happens.
Block her everywhere: Yes. Block her everywhere, and cut contact. Filter every combination you can of her e-mails to you. The saying is true: "out of sight, out of mind".
Deal with the social circle: This is probably the hardest thing to do, but in some cases you may have to fade away from mutual friends. I wouldn't do it all at once, but at the very least cut contact between the "go betweens" -- the people who bring up your ex, or get you talking about your ex, or talk to you about what she's doing (whether it's trash talking or just keeping you up to date)... get those people out of your life, first. If other mutual friends bring her up, simply say "I'd really rather not talk about it".
Fill your time with things: Anything, even bullshit things. Put a bunch of things on a spinning wheel, spin the wheel, do it.
Talk about it: talk to someone you trust, and keep it to that one person.

notgivefuck · 2015-12-12T00:20:12+00:00

Do you give a fuck? It's time to take one last fuck out of your fuck jar and then start sparing your fucks on yourself and getting the next one.

[deleted] · 2015-12-12T14:41:21+00:00

Make her hamster spin.

Next time don't start a conversation, wait for her to write and talk for 5 minutes instead of 15, then write: "I have to go now" and don't write back to her ever again.

She'll probably think that you have a new GF already and that she has now control over you which she used to forbid you from contacting her.

Don't check her profiles, imagine that she knows all of this and gets validation from you doing it.

I'm sure the hamster will spin itself to another dimension if you do this.

Title	I am a 29 years old male and got dumped, need advice on nexting method.
Author	Verbrecher
Upvotes	10
Comments	19
Date	December 11, 2015 6:04 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3welnr/i_am_a_29_years_old_male_and_got_dumped_need/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-am-a-29-years-old-male-and-got-dumped-need.157717 https://theredarchive.com/post/157717

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