What do you think about men involving their parents in finding a partner (arranged marriage)?

leosandlattes · 2026-04-17T13:50:28+00:00

The culture I’m from no longer practices arranged marriage and hasn’t for a few generations now.

What I can say is that the practice of mothers being heavily involved in approval of her son’s partner is still a norm despite the match not being arranged per se. And speaking on my own observations, this often results in the stereotype of the Eastern MIL who is overbearing, and the man catering to his mother’s wants/needs over his wife.

Your experience may be different, of course.

TheBunk_TB · 2026-04-17T10:05:21+00:00

I admire it. But it has its own issues.

Wife_and_Mama · 2026-04-17T11:58:23+00:00

When you're discussing cultural norms, normal is subjective. It sounds perfectly normal where you're from, so I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to have parents you love and trust help you find someone. This only really seems problematic if the people marrying don't have the final say and/or can't trust their parents to make a good choice.

Jenneapolis · 2026-04-17T14:28:00+00:00

I’m curious why the question “what do you think about men who…” vs. a more general “what do you think about arranged marriage.” Why did you ask it in that way?

Jenneapolis · 2026-04-17T14:34:49+00:00

I'm in an intercultural relationship. We are in the west and a "love marriage" (my husband would never in a million years be in an arranged process, he's fiercely independent) but my husband's brother is in SE Asia and is currently going through the arranged matching process (the oldest brother was a love marriage as well but within his own culture). Over there, it's standard. You'd have to ask the women in that culture how they view men who go through that process. Their answers probably depend largely on their own viewpoints and levels of religiosity and traditionalism vs. progressivism.

I have asked my husband what he thinks about his brother and he is shocked he is doing it. He's a hip guy, owns a cool coffee shop business and is super modern, and neither older brothers did this process. My husband did say "well he is lazy so I can see him not wanting to put the work in to find someone." But in his case, I think it makes sense for him given the country he lives in, his age, his living with his parents still and the amount of work it puts on his (aging) mother. He needs to move forward and this ensures a quick and easier process (given parents approve from the start vs. having to "fight" for their approval which can happen with love marriages).

Of course many westerners are going to have their own perspectives, some informed and others not informed, so their opinions aren't really relevant anyhow. I am curious why you ask? What are you really trying to understand here?

AutoModerator · 2026-04-17T08:30:31+00:00

Title: What do you think about men involving their parents in finding a partner (arranged marriage)?

Author Even-Cut-295

Full text: Where I come from arranged marriages are quite common. Often parents especially mothers take an active role in finding a suitable partner for their sons. The man may have the final say but sometimes he agrees with his parents’ choice.

I’ve seen that some people view this as a lack of independence while others see it as normal.

How do you view men who go through this process?

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Ok-Positive-3769 · 2026-04-17T18:25:12+00:00

Makes me think, is there a reason why he cannot find a wife himself? Usually seems to be the case for my Indian friends. They just let their parents pick someone for them, because they know they are lacking in something that stops them from finding a partner naturally.

Vast-Society4093 · 2026-04-18T14:29:30+00:00

I support it. My marriage was more or less arranged not by cultural but by mutual agreement. Having a third party with clear minded view about your future spouse is not bad at all if you instincts might he clouded by attraction or infatuation. Even it’s a love marriage I believe people can benefit a lot from strategic vetting process.

blushingoleander · 2026-04-17T12:52:55+00:00

It works in cultures where men are known to be a bit rapey and parents need to make sure their daughters are going to a safe man. Otherwise, from an American perspective, it is a lack of independence and if you can't pick your own husband then you probably shouldn't be allowed to vote either.

Title	What do you think about men involving their parents in finding a partner (arranged marriage)?
Author	Even-Cut-295
Upvotes	3
Comments	39
Date	April 17, 2026 8:30 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1snuzut/what_do_you_think_about_men_involving_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-do-you-think-about-men-involving-their.1578143 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578143

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