I don’t even know why I’m writing this, but here I am.

I’m 40 years old, and right now I just wish someone would hold me tight and tell me it’s going to be okay. That’s how broken I feel.

I’m not perfect. Far from it. But for over six years I’ve been dragged through hell in this custody war. I’ve been accused of everything under the sun, kicked out of my own house, and stripped of nearly everything I built. And still, she’s trying to take the kids from me.

For twelve years I worked two jobs, every single weekend, no days off unless I was sick. I’d come home as late as midnight or 3 a.m. haven't traveled or enjoyed any vacation except few days at the beach with the kids, grinding so my family could have the life I thought they deserved a $2 million house, nice cars, everything she wanted. I built that from the ground up.

Then she started a secret affair with a divorced guy. then I was served with divorce papers and hit with every abuse accusation possible. I had to fight like hell and win most of it, but the damage was done. She drained our finances behind my back long before filing the divorce, her then boyfriend told her exactly what to do, I lost everything I couldn’t protect. I walked away with $750k in house equity and ended up paying her $109k for her lawyers because she hired a whole team of sharks. I paid her car, her mortgage all while I was living in my car after she got a restraining order against me.

I burned through every dollar I had. She took half my 401k and spent what left on lawyers. Today I have no house, no retirement, no savings just credit card debt I don’t know how I’m going to pay.

I stayed strong for six years. I hit the gym, kept my head up, and tried to be the best father I could for my kids. But I’ve got nothing left in the tank. I just want to cry.

As soon as the money ran out, my lawyer dropped me. Now I’m representing myself against her team of attorneys, and every time I open my mouth they come after me with everything they’ve got. I lost my career, my entire field got crushed by AI. Now I’m making $50k a year in a town with no real opportunities, all so I can stay close to the kids. I do DoorDash after work just to keep my head above water with three children and 50/50 custody.

I’m exhausted, man. Completely drained.

Everyone keeps telling me to give up on the kids, move away, and rebuild my life. But my boys are only 8 and 6. I can’t walk away. I’m trying to pour as much of myself into them as I can while I still have time so they’ll remember who their father is if she ever manages to take them.

Life can be brutally unfair. I wish I can hear some positive stories, those of you who also went through hell and were able to come back strong and better. at 40, it seems everything is lost, starting from nothing seem impossibly and pointless to ever recover.