I honestly can't believe i am posting this on here and I certainly havent spoken to anyone i know about this, its not a typical man thing to talk about.

I think im struggling, but as a bloke I keep on hiding these feeling, however I think i have reached breaking point and dont know what to do.

My wife threw the divorce card at me in September 2024, it wasn't totally out the blue, but I wasn't expecting it. Anyway I took it as a big blow.

I hold a senior position at work that is demanding of me and my time, so I focused on work to push out everything else going on with the divorce. My productivity went up and I got promoted too which was awesome.

However im struggling now and im not sure what to do about it...

I dont sleep well, I have almost non stop brain fog so im no longer productive or a driving force at work which is what i am known for, I have noticed that during team briefings or challenging customer calls,I have also begun to occasionally stutter too which is not like me at all.

My issue is that the only way I could stay close to my children was to buy a 3 bed house close to the ex so they could stay with me and keep their friend base close by. That means im paying a sizable mortgage each month ~ 1/3 of my take home pay. I also have to pay child support which is another £400. So half my wage goes before even paying bills or any living expenses.

I also have the financial pressure of having to pay for everything and no temporary fall back if i were to go on to SSP.

I feel that I am well on my way to burn out but as stupid as it sounds, if I get signed off work for stress then I wont be able to pay my bills, I could loose my house and I will end up in a worse position.

I went out for a cycle ride to try and clear my head yesterday and genuinely hoped that I would get doored or pulled out on by a car and knocked off to give me an excuse to have a break (no pun intended).

Before you ask why dont i use my holiday? Well I cant, my entire annual leave is consumed when I am looking after my kids for 1 week of each half term, 3 weeks over summer and a period over Christmas break. The only time I get to myself is every other week when they are not with me, however i end up working longer hours to try and cover the huge amount of work i am expected to achieve, and like now... im still working despite starting 12 hrs ago.

Better pull my socks up and just crack on!