What do you consider as feminine and how can you help a tom boy out?

fatally-femme · 2026-06-18T04:22:38+00:00

For me personally femininity means the way I carry myself. I am soft, friendly, kind, etc. I put a lot of effort into how I look. I have daily routines to make sure my skin is good, my hair is healthy, etc. I always do my makeup nice when I go out. I try to always look presentable.

I went through a tomboy phase as well. I also wasn’t really super feminine until I met my now partner. He brought out that side in me. I bring warmth and softness to our relationship. I make sure my partner feels taken care of in the ways I’m good at - cleaning and keeping things organized, being emotionally steady, listening, sex. I’m learning to de escalate better.

I work from home so I usually am in sweats and not wearing makeup during work. But when I see my partner I make sure I am wearing something cute and put a little makeup on. That makes me feel feminine. My goal is to try to look put together whenever I am around him.

CountTheBees · 2026-06-18T05:43:47+00:00

You can read Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin or For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn to understand what men want and need in a relationship. We have chapter summaries for both books in the Wiki. Given your post it's practically impossible to figure out what went wrong.

Regarding your last paragraph - I don't think it's useful to talk about what you do when someone pulls away. You kinda want the next relationship to be one in which that never happens, so focussing on that seems to be a waste of time. Worry more about what led them to pull away.

Wife_and_Mama · 2026-06-18T10:52:38+00:00

I won’t lie either when I do start caring for someone deeply I get anxiously attached and I have a hard time not trying to fix things when they pull away.

This is much likelier to be your problem than your tomboy status, especially coupled with the anger and emotional baggage you mention in another comment. You're 37. Trying to fundamentally "change" your basic personality in this specific way just sounds like a recipe for faking it forever. Plenty of men like women who are less feminine or girly. Just because your guy friend says you're not feminine enough for him to find attractive, doesn't mean you're not feminine enough for anyone to find attractive. You need to focus more on the anxious attachment and emotional issues and less on wearing more pink or doing your nails. You're missing the forest for the trees.

AutoModerator · 2026-06-18T03:25:15+00:00

Title: What do you consider as feminine and how can you help a tom boy out?

Author Striking_Western_255

Full text: (37f) I was mainly raised by my dad and grandparents. I never had a good female role model. I’m a tom boy in essence.

I was talking to one of my male friends about how I have a hard time getting into a relationship and when I do it goes south and I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. He said I needed to be more feminine but didn’t go into detail.

So I’m wondering if my failed relationships/love interest lost interest is based on my upbringing and what my male friend said.

Can yall help me out on what you consider feminine? And maybe I can change myself. I’ve always wanted a family and be a good wife to some lucky guy but it just never works out. I’ve been told I’m very kind, sweet and they love how I show support and appreciate them, but they always end things, some good endings and others… cheated on, left for another woman, or used. I need help.

I was born and raised Christian but I don’t go to church anymore, I do like the Christian values and morals and try to stick to them but I’m not perfect.

I won’t lie either when I do start caring for someone deeply I get anxiously attached and I have a hard time not trying to fix things when they pull away. Sometimes it doesn’t surface and there’s been a few times it has. It’s also something I thought I fixed but recently I realized it’s still there and I struggle with it.

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InevitableKiwi5776 · 2026-06-18T22:28:54+00:00

Emotional volatility/reactivity/argumentativeness is not feminine. That’s something you can work on if you’re used to reacting strongly/in a masculine way. Diffusing uncomfortable situations instead of picking fights. Disengaging if you don’t like someone’s opinion instead of arguing back. Being a source of peace and calm instead of strife.

SweetTaterSalad · 2026-07-16T19:54:57+00:00

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a tomboy.

I grew up a tomboy. All my friends were boys.

My husband finds me very feminine.

I recommend In Sync with the opposite sex by Allison Armstrong. Available on audible.

GivMeLiberty · 2026-06-18T04:05:26+00:00

I realized that the biggest factor that contributes to my perception of a woman’s femininity is her appearance. Not in a shallow “tits and ass” way, I mean a self-care and makes-an-effort-to-present-well way.

I’ve noticed with partners of mine how self-care, however simple or complex it was, that was generally performed for beauty/health reasons did a lot for them. There was some structure and routine to it, which mitigates some degree of uncertainty which femininity doesn’t like. There was a sense of accomplishment simply from executing their routine successfully again. It gave them confidence in their appearance. Almost always having their makeup done and being in a nice outfit added more. And on the contrary, there was a noticeable negative shift of attitude when obstacles to this self-care came up.

But, what contributed more to the femininity, was the byproduct of the above effort. I’m convinced they did the above things by nature, not by deliberate thought. But regardless of their motive, the result was that they did appear more feminine. Thus, everyone in their environment, myself included, treated them as such. I think this was the strongest contributing factor to their femininity. Femininity has a much easier time existing and growing in an environment that is conducive to it, and by making an effort to appear feminine, they greatly affected their immediate environment in a positive way.

In the same vein, they avoided environments that would be damaging to their femininity. They avoided bars and clubs where there’d be lots of drunk people. They didn’t expose themselves to the abundant, cheap male attention they could’ve received on social media. They’d bounce at the first sign of male weakness.

I suppose the TLDR is that femininity really flourishes in the right environment, and so you should exercise as much control over your environment as possible. Both by changing how your environment perceives you and by removing yourself from toxic environments.

Thistlewhistler · 2026-06-18T05:44:18+00:00

Don’t try and change yourself or you’ll attract someone who suits the person you’re pretending to be and that’s not sustainable in the long run.

You can’t help being feminine as a woman, even when you’re trying not to be. The thing is to learn to be comfortable in your own skin, and happy with who you are.

Most of us carry a great deal of internalised misogyny these days, and if you can start to challenge that, you’ll find that you begin to unlock more and more of your core feminine strength.

My suggestion is to try to become aware of aspects of yourself that maybe you dislike or try to hide, and work on making peace with them. Start like that.

We have a different energy than men do, a different psychology and a different way of interacting in the world. It’s much, much more than clothes or make up.

I will hazard a guess that there are times when you lean harder into tomboy, and if you can reflect on some of those times and the feelings and thoughts, right before the impulse, you’ll probably find something important.

Title	What do you consider as feminine and how can you help a tom boy out?
Author	Striking_Western_255
Upvotes	4
Comments	21
Date	June 18, 2026 3:25 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1u8v8dd/what_do_you_consider_as_feminine_and_how_can_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-do-you-consider-as-feminine-and-how-can-you.1583052 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583052

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