I tried to overcome infidelity and couldn’t and now I don’t feel well

Dragonite_23 · 2026-07-04T12:17:59+00:00

Keep in mind that all of those feelings can exist at the same time. You can be upset, angry, and pissed that she cheated, and you can also at the same time, want to be with your spouse, who you built a life with and feel guilty about leaving that.

It took me a little while to work through my resentment, and I didn’t have the infidelity in my situation. I don’t think I could personally get over that, and I would choose divorce instead. Which is sad, but that’s me.

I’m also military. My wife and I were separated recently going through my retirement ceremony. So I still honored her and the kids as I spoke about what they’ve done and what we’ve been through, but I didn’t speak about anything forward facing and our future. If my wife cheated on me, I would not have wanted her at that ceremony. A ceremony as you have probably seen, that should be more about honoring the family than the service member.

Shoot me a message if you wanna chat.

Reflog1791 · 2026-07-03T22:16:20+00:00

Just my 2c. Make a decision the relationship is done forever. Look forward not back. Your partner is supposed to support you and enrich your life. She has and will continue to fail in that endeavor. You’re taking it personally when she’s common. She’s not rare or valuable, she’s common.

Once you learn the game the dating will be so easy compared to this shit.

The lesson I learned is if they don’t love and respect me, I’ll find an upgraded replacement very easily.

Anxious-One-2365 · 2026-07-03T18:56:41+00:00

“creating anxiety”- seriously, the audacity to say this to you when she is the one who cheated. She does not hold herself accountable, nothings her fault. Talk with a lawyer from the military and get the process going. For all you know she is probably banging some dude while you are deployed which is why she is blaming you again for her anxiety. Get rid of her.

AffectionateCold9 · 2026-07-03T15:36:59+00:00

Mate you are being Gaslit and your normal feelings and reactions to the things SHE DID WRONG and she is now portraying your feelings and reactions to the things she has done wrong as being the problem and it sounds like you are buying it.

I've been in a very similar situation I was with someone who cheated many times and I stayed too long and it destroyed me I didn't heal at all from the cheating, lies, betrayals the entire time we stayed together in fact it made things worse because she would not take any accountability for her actions, would make out like I'm the problem for having feelings about the things she did wrong, tried gaslighting me into believing things could not have been any other way, tried gaslighting me into believing her affairs, cheating and betrayals were not what was causing my bad mental health and that I've always had bad mental health. I only started to heal from her lies, betrayals, affairs etc once we broke up when I no longer had to be around the person who caused me such immense harm and pain.

Accusing you of creating anxiety in her life is another deceitful and manipulative tactic she created anxiety by choosing to cheat, lie, deceive and betray you and sneak around doing those things her actions caused that anxiety not you and her actions have caused further anxiety because all of those things she has done have understandably had an impact on you.

Blaming you for lack of communication again manipulation she couldn't communicate her needs, wants, feelings etc to you In a healthy manner and so decided to cheat instead, she then chose to lie and be deceitful about her cheating and now she is choosing to not communicate with you openly, honestly and with remorse over the things she has done wrong which are very hurtful to you instead blaming you for things you haven't done wrong. If they blame you for things it puts you on the defensive and means they don't have to justify and take accountability for their own actions.

You might even be facing the refusal to talk about their cheating and affairs which is something I also experienced because "it's too hurtful for them to talk about" Again this is bullshit she hurt you the minimum she can do now is talk to you as much as you need to help you heal from the hurt she has inflicted on you with your actions and if she isn't willing to do that which is a bare minimum then it's pointless.

I'd recommend you to read / listen to a book called leave a cheater gain a life. I wish I had read this book as soon as I found out it would have saved me a lot of heartache and time I wasted thinking things can be repaired.

Title	I tried to overcome infidelity and couldn’t and now I don’t feel well
Author	scubasteve1026
Upvotes	7
Comments	5
Date	July 3, 2026 11:06 AM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1umbgyx/i_tried_to_overcome_infidelity_and_couldnt_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-tried-to-overcome-infidelity-and-couldnt-and-now.1584174 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584174

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