Do women have an emotional need to complain?

Subtletorious · 2014-05-30T13:39:21+00:00

Women are emotional acrobats. Men are emotional tightrope walkers.

Women love nothing more than emotionally swinging back and forth like monkeys who've overdosed on Red Bull. They love drama. The drama genre of TV/movies is targeted at women. A women's idea of entertainment is intentionally makes herself sad and cry into a tub of icecream.

If life isn't dramatic enough, they will just stir shit up just to feed the monkey. The exception is when they are with a tightrope walker who can remind them to just calm the fuck down.

And the #yesallwomen crap is just attention whoring. The bodies literally weren't even cold before women were trying to interject themselves into the drama. "I have a vagina like two of the victims. I could have been killed. Look at me. #attentionwhore"

StingrayVC · 2014-05-30T13:56:48+00:00

These trends give women an outlet because they have a psychological need to let out their emotions to feel better and less stressed

This is basically true. However, when women all get together and begin to complain, its more about status within their group than relieving stress.

exit_sandman · 2014-05-30T10:27:49+00:00

Hypergamy - women complain when they think they can do (or should have done) better.

Your father made the unforgivable mistake of not being able to provide her with the living standard she thinks she deserves (even though the one she enjoys actually seems to be sufficient); her complaining about the house probably is just an outlet for her lack of satisfaction with your father.

A friend of mine had the same problem with one of his exes - they got into a relationship when they were in their early twenties, respectively (her being the daughter of a doctor who had worked his ass off to provide his family with a certain living standard). In the beginning everything was great, but after some time she started nagging more and more, and in the end she was all-out pressuring him to "move out of that shitty place" (well, it wasn't really a great flat, but it was sufficient for a guy in his twens, I'd say). All this while he had paid the rent on his own while she had for all intents and purposes practically moved in, by the way. So yeah, they moved. It was a really nice apartment and actually more than a young couple w/o kids in their by then mid-20s could wish for, and she was satisfied... for a time, until she started nagging and complaining again (she also complained about his lack of ambition at work even though she would actually have been a lot more qualified for a higher ranking job). That said, some other things also piled up and after several years together they finally split up, or rather, he put an end to their relation; and for the first time in months if not years, she actually stopped belittling him and made a fuss of how much she loved him etc. (take about textbook redpill scenarios, huh?).

In the end, I guess we all learned one thing from this - never EVER put up with a woman who think she can do better than you.

PaulRivers10 · 2014-05-30T15:17:18+00:00

If we say it's the masculine impulse to set the course and drive to completion then the feminine need to check whether the course is the best one can be quite useful. A great first mate accepts your orders but privately questions every single one and brings every possible flaw to your attention. A great captain appreciates that. Some of us are more flexibly minded than others, but no man can see every possibility.

2014-05-30T09:17:30+00:00

women have a "want-it-all" mentality (gatherer mentality). combine this with their inability to grasp the concept of trade-offs, and you easily see why there is always a reason to complain for women.

redpillschool · 2014-05-30T15:42:10+00:00

As roosh once noted, women are like water, they fill the container they are in. How do women know their container? Shit testing those around them, complaining to see how their complaints are addressed. Notice that in countries where people are starving to death, women aren't complaining about their purses or earrings... they recognize their container.

An abundance of complaining exists when it works- when we give them what they want, then they reach for more. They want to know their boundaries, and we haven't given them any.

billiegoad · 2014-05-30T14:46:03+00:00

Women are the way they are because we men coddle them from an infant all the up to the point they no longer possess sex appeal. Then they accumulate 20 cats to keep the attention and adulation flowing. Your father is at fault for marrying her in the first place and letting her sit on her ass for 20 years. How do you think this is going to play out? She'll eventually go back to work. Some douche bag guy will tell her what she wants to hear in order to get into her pants and your dad will get fucked by the family courts. It's a thankless proposition. Don't make the same mistake your Dad made. See /r/killmarriage for reference only material and please do post your favorites here on TRP. Oh, and my mistake was just not letting my piece of shit wife fuck whoever the hell she wanted. Who cares. The the guy she ran off with just wanted a fuck buddy to pay half the rent. It wasn't long before he cheated on her. Man ! I was so happy to hear it !

Occams_Shiv · 2014-05-31T01:58:57+00:00

Here's a story about a male co-worker, but it relates to this issue, and helps show not just why women complain, but why men should try to never complain ever. (Except anonymously on the internet and even then.... not so much.)

I worked with this guy, who was good at his job, but was a little slow, because he was careful, and had just a bit too much ego invested in his work, so he would fuss over it until he thought it was perfect, even if that made it take way too long.

He also complained constantly about everything. I mean, the guy was ridiculous. For fun I eventually made an excel spreadsheet to keep track of all his complaints. This was educational for me, because I never complained about anything ever, which I had always attributed to me being a big pussy who was afraid of confrontation. (This was true, but never mind.)

What was made obvious by the sheer volume of his complaining, was how powerless it made him in comparison to me, (and remember, I was still a pretty big pussy.) I got everything I wanted, usually the first time i asked. He was ignored, and eventually let go. Here's why:

Taken in the most literal terms, a complaint is a description of something one believes they are powerless to change.

Think about that for a minute.

When you complain, about anything, to anyone, you are drawing them a map of the areas of your world where you lack agency, where lack the courage or ability to affect change.

Think about the humans that complain the most:

Babies.

Babies have zero agency, and complain in the purest form, and at the highest volume non-stop until they go to sleep. Children have a little bit of agency, and complain pretty constantly to their parents, but not a lot to each other, because they have already started to figure out the power dynamics at play. Next comes women, who complain less than children, but still a lot, and mostly lack agency at a macro level. And finally men, who almost never complain to anybody, and are the primary drivers of civilization.

This is one of the primary reasons it is a waste of time to complain to women, or anyone really. You un-man yourself, even as you try to correct the situation you find bothersome. You trade agency and power for the possible redress of whatever specific grievance.

When the complaint is about your own lack of power and agency, as it is in feminism, this creates an internal feedback loop that spins ever faster, at ever higher frequency, until it melts down. Have you noticed that feminists seem ever more shrill, desperate, and disconnected from reality every day? We are in the final stages of this meltdown.

Imagine an infinite number of hamsters in an infinite number of wheels, all connected by belts, pulleys and gears, spending the excess energy of civilization as heat, until the heat starts to cook the hamsters and melt the wheels.

This is the matrix. Now you can see it.

edit: sp

MorpheusGodOfDreams · 2014-05-30T23:56:37+00:00

OP, allow me to put your mind at ease. You are beginning to notice the different bonding patterns between the sexes. This is a proven phenomenon, and I've included the studies at the bottom.

Men bond through focused activities in which an older and more experienced man gains respect from younger men in exchange for knowledge. This natural hierarchy is implicit in all male relationships, and allows for measured growth over time.

Women bond through sharing of personal information and the accompanying mirroring of facial expressions and emotions to encourage their conversation partner. This creates solidarity and strengthens kinship in the tribe.

When a man has a problem in his life, he asks for advice from a man he respects in order to achieve the information needed to defeat the obstacle on his own. This creates a feedback loop in which one man receives answers and the other is able to offer a solution, leaving them both happy.

When a woman has a problem in her life, she shares her frustration with a close friend to relive the moment and gain control of it. She is not looking for advice, but is trying to share the burden and stress of the moment with another woman and receive support (I'm here for you).

When men share information, the goal is usually to solve a problem or come to a mutual understanding of each other's opinions, or to simply tell an entertaining story. Many men have observed that women rarely solve problems without a man's help, and instead share less vital information like who is dating who, or problems to complain about (which is why it is called "bitching) because it includes less conflict of ideas.

Problems arise between the sexes when people seek bonding across the gender divide. When a man asks a woman for advice, she tries to empathize (that sucks...) and begins to see him as weak when he becomes more frustrated (why isn't she helping?). When he tries to challenge her opinions in order to understand her values, she becomes defensive because she considers it an attack, and he considers her too sensitive. When a woman shares her problems with a man, she is looking for support, and is instead given advice to fix the problem (why won't he just listen!), while the man is confused because his version of supportive advice was rejected (why did she even ask?).

(In relationships, men prefer sharing activities, women prefer intimacy and shared feelings, Tannen 1990

When encountered with a problem, women are more likely to express empathy and understanding, men are more likely to suggest a solution" Tannen, 1990.)

Incubuns · 2014-05-30T18:43:54+00:00

#ineedfeminism, #everydaysexism, #yesallwomen, "privilege", "rape culture", "patriarchy", and the entire modern feminist movement are all about one thing - the intoxicating power of victimhood. The movement that started with genuine grievances had run out of them, and white women literally the luckiest group of people in the world, in an astounding position where they had some of the longest life expectancies in human history, were dramatically less likely to be assaulted or murdered than in any other society in history (or than men in their own society), where women controlled more than half the votes and more than half the wealth and had the choice to work or just marry and be taken care of as they wished, where men built, harvested, invented and maintained EVERYTHING at great personal cost and presented it to women as a gift - but still they needed that fix. It's such a hugely important part of their identity at this point that they'll never give it up.

That's why you see shit like this, where they take a figure like how many women were killed - in eleven years - and compare it with unrelated shit trying to make some kind of massive crisis, somehow ignoring the fact that more men were murdered in the first year of that 12 year period. Or this, where they take actual statistics and simply tack on hundreds of totally made up "rapes", with a likewise totally made up false accusation figure that's directly contradicted by all research - and with the size of the figures deliberately distorted to mislead.

That's why Mary Koss and her merry band of misandrists have spent decades trying to convince women they've been raped when they've had a lousy lay. And that's how a shooting with three female victims and 10 male ones becomes about the horrific violence faced by women.

RoamingAmber · 2014-05-30T17:41:42+00:00

Yes, there's a very real need I have as a woman (and that most women around me possess) to be recognized, heard, and validated. Venting and expressing stresses and concerns works to make me feel better even if I haven't yet tacked the source of my issue. I'll periodically tell my SO "I need 10 minutes just to bitch. I don't need a solution yet, just let me get this out." (I do set a time limit because after awhile, venting without working a plan to fix things becomes nothing more than emotional masturbation.)

And that's what grinds me about the hashtag support circles... They truly are a circle, and the folks typically in it already get there's a problem, and they understand feeling bad about the situation. Preaching to the proverbial choir as the cliché goes. Life is motion, and moving outside of that circle of "support" and proposing solutions or asking for solutions is the only route to achieve forward progress.

Complain. Vent. Mourn. Whatever. But put a damn time limit on it and then used your cleared out head to go actually do something.

bama79rolltide · 2014-05-30T17:15:07+00:00

I don't think it is necessarily about the need to complain.

It is about the need to manipulate other people in order to validate their actions. They care about that hamster wheel more than anything else. Whether its joy, anger, crying, nagging, deceit, anything. She has to be validated. She has to justify herself to herself before anyone else, and that includes her children.

PaulRivers10 · 2014-05-30T19:21:40+00:00

I'd comment more on your last paragraph because I agree completely - notice how when it became obvious that women weren't actually the main victims that they immediately tried to create another different hashtag to try to narcissism keep the attention, rather than sympathizing with the men who were victims. If they cared at all about the actual issues they claim to care about, this would have been a great time for them to say "See? These kind of pscho's hurt both men and women! Men should be concerned to!". Instead they went the narcissistic self absorbed attention seeking rou...you know, I'll stop talking about it in this thread now. :D

Anyways, yes, women definitely complain more than men. It has to do with their societal role as follows. When they're younger they follow adults and group consensus, when they're older they follow their husband and group consensus. As the follow, their mechanism for getting man of their needs met is to get the lead to do it, and the lead isn't going to do it if the lead doesn't even know about it, or doesn't think it's important.

Men tend to change things directly themselves, women tend to change things either by getting the lead to do it, or achieving group consensus and doing it.

Since women complain more, it becomes a group bonding activity. As such, women find themselves needing to find something to complain about. It's also a chance to practice their skills at complaining. And it's a tool women use amongst each other to achieve group consensus. And socially speaking, complaining is useful for letting other people know what you're thinking about. Complaining about not being able to find an affordable car might lead other people to mention that they know someone who's selling their car, complaining about a work problem might lead to someone giving useful advice on it, etc.

Complaining for women is a lot like what video games are for men. In moderation, it's a useful social tool that's part of a healthy back and forth between two people that leads to better results than people trying to guess what the other person is thinking. At it's extreme, it's toxic and detracts from anything actually useful from getting done.

You're find that when you're in more a follow role that complaining is more useful, whether you're a man or a woman.

lucifa · 2014-05-30T22:50:00+00:00

When I was growing up my mum threatened a divorce because they didn't own a second 'holiday' home like some of her old university friends do. This grown fucking adult, miserable because she'd rationalised she deserved another property. Acting like a spoilt child, shaming my Dad despite earning a third of his salary.

My Dad is distraught, can't comprehend where he's gone wrong. She doesn't leave, they spend a large sum revonating to appease her. Three months down the line she's unhappy again, constantly pushing his buttons and testing him. Eventually he snaps, tells her he's had enough, wants to sell the house, split the value 50/50, then go their seperate ways. Surprise, surprise she's suddenly the victim, branding him home-wrecker, pleading him to stay. Just proves her ultimatums were simply to extract as much value for herself as possible, with the assumption that she had him hooked. Utterly selfish and solipsistic.

That was the tipping point that made me realise there was zero value in anything she said, effectively freeing me from her guilt and emotional manipulation tactics.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-05-30T22:16:42+00:00

The answer is yes, they do. AWALT.

Frame it and think of it like they are expressing their feels to you rather than complaining unless it is negative shit about you. THAT you just don't tolerate.

2014-05-31T00:53:53+00:00

Title	Do women have an emotional need to complain?
Author	Dopamine37
Upvotes	52
Comments	39
Date	May 30, 2014 9:09 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/26v17z/do_women_have_an_emotional_need_to_complain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/do-women-have-an-emotional-need-to-complain.16065 https://theredarchive.com/post/16065

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