Sex negative default for men?

YetAnotherCommenter · 2014-02-05T13:39:39+00:00

Well the problem is that there are many different and often conflicting sexual norms. For example, most monotheistic religions consider sex-for-pleasure-alone rather negatively, irrespective of sex.

But I think you mean in modern-day pop culture.

Its a complex issue honestly, but I think part of the reason is that male sexuality is generally considered a lowly and base animal-drive (a mere biological function). Female sexuality is not seen this way.

As for why women wanting sex is empowering, its because it transgresses certain traditional gender norms which discouraged female promiscuity quite strongly.

typhonblue · 2014-02-05T17:44:16+00:00

Sex positive feminism is exclusively about what the women desire while calling everything that men desire that isn't in line with what women desire misogynist, creepy or rapey.

They oppose social judgement on female sexuality while maintaining the right to judge male.

dungone · 2014-02-05T15:32:57+00:00

It has to do with people viewing men as actors and women as acted upon. In that context, women who want sex are seen as empowered for the same exact reason that men are seen as incapable of being raped. This begs the question of why men and women are seen as actors and acted upon, which is a broader discussion but it boils down to women being able to have their cake and eat it too.

notnotnotfred · 2014-02-05T14:10:24+00:00

because women are openly willing and able to control men through their sexual drives.

danpilon · 2014-02-05T16:27:55+00:00

Because sex-positive thinking only applies to women, silly. Every sex positive feminist I have ever met has also been sex-negative when it comes to men. The only sex positive women who I have met who did not fit this description were not feminists. I therefore blame feminism for both promoting sex-positive thinking for women (I'm ok with this), and also promoting fear of men (not ok with this).

giegerwasright · 2014-02-05T15:51:52+00:00

My only issue with all this sex positive/negative thing is that sex positive seems to be promiscuous-exclusive, like if we monogamous people couldn't be very kinky or something.

Simbablk · 2014-02-05T18:57:12+00:00

I've often wondered this. But can't the opposite be questioned?

A woman who has sex with 10 men in one month is called a ____.

A man who has sex with 10 women in one month is called a ____.

In general, we need to stop labeling people. Sex is awesome! Enjoy it with as many people you can - safely!

mister_ghost · 2014-02-05T23:16:18+00:00

I've found it's slightly more complicated:

Men are encouraged to have sex, but their enjoyment is taboo

Women are encouraged to enjoy sex, but their having sex is taboo

Think about it. Men are given tips on how to bed women. They are encouraged to keep track of how much they get laid. The gain the respect of their peers by having sex in unusual locations or circumstances.

But there is derision towards men who are open about enjoying sex. A fleshlight is disgusting, as is the idea of men masturbating, and in common dialogue, there is no such thing as male pleasure. I mean, fuck, there are condoms that make sex feel worse so that it will last longer.

On the other hand, women's sexual pleasure is liberating. A woman with a vibrator is empowered, as is a woman who expresses desire for sex with someone else. Leering at male bodies is laudable, and cosmo never fails to deliver advice on how to have the best sex ever.

But for all that, if a woman actually has sex and is open about it, more often than not she gets called a slut, especially if she has sex outside of a relationship.

Why is it like that? Anyone's guess, but I think the object/subject explanation holds water.

Men, as actors, are told to view sex as an accomplishment, while women are not meant to seek out sex because it defies the "acted upon" role. Similarly, men are discouraged from enjoyment because it strays out of the "actor" role while women are encouraged to it. Why women are encouraged to it? I'm not sure about that, perhaps it is a counterpart to the man's role. After all, the main element of a man's sexual conquest is that he pleases the woman.

rightsbot · 2014-02-05T13:26:17+00:00

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klousGT · 2014-02-05T15:35:55+00:00

I would hope that sex positive feminist don't see men's desire for sex as profane. I would hope that they would hold to the understanding that every person has their own unique sexuality and the expression of that sexuality with consenting adult partners isn't inherently bad. I personally haven't seen anything from sex positive feminist that suggest as that they hold this as a double standard.

Title	Sex negative default for men?
Author	stemlogicuser
Upvotes	47
Comments	38
Date	February 5, 2014 1:26 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/1x2vyg/sex-negative-default-for-men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/sex-negative-default-for-men.1614409 https://theredarchive.com/post/1614409

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