Going to a guy's house tomorrow to watch anime - need advice.

stillnoturday · 2014-11-11T05:59:02+00:00

Lets not play coy, we all know that unless he is a total ninny that an escalation will occur. You're going to be alone, watching some tv, snuggled on the sofa. If you want to ensure that things don't escalate, try meeting up elsewhere...especially if it is only a 2nd date.

If you insist on going over regardless, fine. Just be prepared and try and keep things light. If things get too .... hot for you, feel free to voice that you want to slow down / aren't ready / don't feel that it is quite appropriate. Keep in mind the message you are sending by going over to his house, alone, on a 2nd date; virgin or not.

Good luck!

YogiBarelyThere · 2014-11-11T06:23:50+00:00

If you see a tentacle appear on the screen then run run away!

SuperSlavisWife · 2014-11-11T09:43:01+00:00

-boobs, legs or bum: pick one and decide whether you're going for tight or short/low-cut; all of the above is not an option, in fact, none of the above with cute makeup and hair may be better if that works with your style

-don't go anywhere near his room, even close the door for him if you walk by it

-keep the lights on

-keep your feet on the floor and your knees together when you're on the sofa

-don't drink or do drugs, you want to be in a clear state of mind

-don't kiss until near the very end of the night, that way you only accept escalation if you're actually interested and he feels he's "won" by getting a bit of a kiss and a cuddle before you go

-have a friend ready to pick you up at a set time, don't pick someone who will let you postpone, pick someone responsible

-have an emergency plan in case you really don't like him or he's on a single-track

-don't tidy up your legs (at least not above the hemline if you're wearing a dress), your armpits (if not visible) or your downstairs, to dissuade yourself

Finally, escalation goes in stages. A guy will start with friendly physical contact, then move onto things like touching your hair and hands, then try for a kiss, then try and touch more parts of you (often regardless of whether you give the kiss or not) and it just gets more sexual from there. Rather than nuclear-blasting or politely dissuading anything, use evasion. Distract him with something you like in the show, if he's trying to be subtle play oblivious and discuss something completely non-sexual, if he moves too quickly excuse yourself to the bathroom or ask him whether one of you can go make a coffee. The aim is to keep yourself from reciprocating until you're about to leave. If a guy works hard and gets a kiss 8 times in one night but never gets further he may feel frustrated. If he gets nothing all night and then "wins you over" and eventually receives reciprocal kino 10 minutes before you go and a makeout 5 minutes before you go with a close, tight hug at the door he'll be hormonally compromised and feel he's done well.

It's all in how you work it. If your intentions are clear enough and the guy is trustworthy you can even sleep in a man's bed without escalating beyond a makeout. I would NOT advise this at all, but I'm just making a point of how ridiculously easy it is to prevent escalation even in the most sexual of contexts, provided you know what you're doing and stick to your guns.

Is this a little cruel? Yes, a little. But it's your role to work towards getting the man you want. Because you don't want to become a plate or a ONS (if he wins you over) or offer pity sex to everyone you feel sorry for (if he's generally nice about it). It's not your duty to sexually satisfy every guy who likes you.

Final point: all rejections are awkward if you feel they are. If you keep courteous, shy and bubbly throughout and go a bit more playful at the end he'll be less likely to view it as harsh or staged. Have confidence in yourself and your intentions.

Best of luck.

Source: Virgin until the guy I'm marrying. Went through the rigmarole of a very long distance relationship where hotels weren't really an option, so we kind of lived together for extended periods rather than dated.

johngalt1234 · 2014-11-11T07:57:24+00:00

As long as he doesn't have a waifu pillow.

KlaiFrai · 2014-11-11T08:13:36+00:00

Hahaha, that was my second date with my SO too, though we were 16 and it was my house and my parents weren't home. It wasn't a big deal at the time, because we were both young virgins and were wary about escalating too fast (that came after a lot more anime nights), but in your case yeah, he might attempt escalation.

If he tries for physical contact and you don't mind, you can keep it cuddly. Say he tries to reach for more than a second date would call for. It's fine to take his hands gently in yours (and away from your tits :P) and lean into him, which implies you are open to getting close, but you aren't going that far yet. It should be fine to say that you want to see where the relationship is going before you give too much of yourself to him. Further elaboration isn't needed unless it's asked for, or it just starts sounding like a checklist. IF asked for, that's not a bad time to mention a want for an exclusive relationship before giving it up.

I find the most common reason I get nervous in situations like that is when I don't trust the outcome. But you're in charge of the outcome. You are completely in control of whether or not you sleep with him tomorrow, and no amount of emotions and excitement and confusion takes that agency away from you, so you can't use getting caught up in the moment as an excuse. You choose whether you sleep with him, and if you don't want to let him escalate tomorrow, then don't. Tell yourself now that it isn't going to happen, and that way you should be able to enjoy yourself tomorrow without fear.

Katniss_Granger · 2014-11-11T08:36:23+00:00

I would tell him in advance, it might be awkward to bring up but you can just message him (or use whatever communication you've been using so far) to say "I don't mean to be presumptuous but I think it's important that you know..." That way you can make sure that you've put it across properly and clearly rather than having an awkward and uncertain stuttering conversation at the time

You know yourself and what you're capable of, if you think you're too shy or too concerned about being rude to tell him in the heat of the moment then tell him in advance, in very clear terms. It would be horrible to go there with every intention of saying it but not actually be able to get it out and regret it later.

Consider telling him in advance anyway, regardless of whether or not you think you could do it in person, you are sending a signal by going over on the second date...I'm only a year older than you and I'm very much aware that "come over and watch a film?" where no one else has been invited does, more often than not, have an underlying meaning. If you tell him in advance and he wasn't planning on making a move, no harm done, if you tell him in advance and he was planning for it then you've avoided sending the wrong message, you can both make new plans to go for coffee, again - no harm done :)

You risk more by not telling him in advance is my point :D

Aerobus · 2014-11-11T16:15:13+00:00

Don't put yourself in situations in which you are vulnerable, cannot make decisions rationally, or are prone to simply not behave the way you normally would.

Read some other respouses here, they have good advice.

[deleted] · 2014-11-11T14:33:55+00:00

My advice is not EVER to go alone to a man's place if you don't intend to have sex with him. This is a recipe for him to be falsely charged with rape when he seduces you and you regret it.

[deleted] · 2014-11-12T00:34:11+00:00

I would not advise you go over there alone, as it sends a message that you are probably interested in that kind of intimacy. It's preferable to go on a date somewhere with others around.

You sound like the type that would probably feel "pressured" to give in because you'd feel bad telling him no, so it's better to not put yourself in that situation because it's quite probable you'll do something you regret.

ManiyaNights · 2014-11-11T05:54:01+00:00

Tell him what you told us. You can at least fool around a little also.

RojoEscarlata · 2014-11-11T06:35:47+00:00

If he is inviting you to his place he has a very specific thing in mind.

The not having sex before some sort of commitment is a golden rule that every rpw should have.

You shouldn't worry about setting a limit to the escalating (just don't be a tease) men can tell between women with value who chooses to wait on valid reasons and a hoe who just want to play games.

Having this in mind go have fun watching some chinese cartoons.

[deleted] · 2014-11-13T02:07:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TekkomanKingz · 2014-11-12T16:49:19+00:00

If he puts on hentai then you know what the deal is...

Title	Going to a guy's house tomorrow to watch anime - need advice.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	25
Date	November 11, 2014 5:07 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2lxr7x/going_to_a_guys_house_tomorrow_to_watch_anime/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/going-to-a-guys-house-tomorrow-to-watch-anime-need.165887 https://theredarchive.com/post/165887

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