I don't know how to communicate. I recant on my feelings repeatedly. I need help.

coffeedynamics · 2015-12-19T14:28:42+00:00

Lol so many words in everyone's answers.

He's hanging out with another girl all the time and doesn't give a flying fuck about your feelings about it. You're not married

tintedlipbalm · 2015-12-19T16:04:08+00:00

Do you regularly read RPW and apply what is said here, or are you a passerby? Because while people here can advice you on how to achieve a feminine mindset and not be a nag (always good qualities to have), that still won't make his actions any better. What he is doing is inappropriate for an attached man and not husband material. You're in denial but he doesn't seem to care that you are hurt by this "friendship" and the only sensible answer is a Next. You will drive yourself crazy trying to be the "cool" girlfriend that acts like it's no big deal while it kills you inside.

coffeedynamics · 2015-12-19T08:54:25+00:00

Is this about that 19 year old girl he's hanging out with because his interactions with her do not seem okay at all! It doesn't matter how many times he apologises after the fact he is routinely prioritising another woman over you! The fact that he has a crush/is emotionally cheating (if not more) is something that you need to address in a more direct manner ASAP. Being jealous and angry is completely understandable and his behaviour is not really justifiable especially since you've let him know how uncomfortable it makes you feel. The solution to this issue would be for him to limit contact with Jessica or whatever her name is as much as humanly possible. It is not okay for him to flirt with other women on facebook, turn down dates and events with you to spend time with her, or tell you he is tired but then be willing to do things when this chick messages him!

How long have the two of you been together?

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-12-19T10:30:45+00:00

That's not communication that's called putting the onus on someone else

I would also say you're being passive aggressive because you're trying so hard to not be angry/aggressive or whatever other unpalatable emotion you try to avoid

Be accountable for what you're feeling. Try and fix it yourself first. I don't think "pretending" to be nice is going to work when everything is so fraught.

I don't often say this but get a therapist and tell them about your feelings. I don't think you're being fair when you expect him to make you feel better.

You say you can't communicate but you just communicated all this to us so something else is going on when you talk to him. Maybe you aren't actually being honest with yourself? What are you really angry upset about?

cxj · 2015-12-21T10:01:48+00:00

Honestly this situation sounds worse and more pitiable than if he just banged her a few times and came back to you. Somehow I get the vibe that this dude is just hopelessly orbiting hard, which is incredibly embarrassing at his age.

2015-12-19T08:52:29+00:00

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2015-12-19T20:43:50+00:00

I don't really see this as a communicaton issue. You told your boyfriend how you feel -- maybe you expressed yourself in a wishy washy way, but he definitely knows how you feel. And it's absolutely legitimate of you to be upset about this, whether or not he is actually having an affair. Stop trying to squash your own emotions!

coffeedynamics · 2015-12-19T12:53:50+00:00

To me it sounds like you are being naggy, crazy, and dramatic. Then admitting you are naggy, crazy and dramatic to him in hopes that it would cancel it out. But I promise you it doesn't work that way, the damage is done. You can't get what you want by behaving that way, hope to neutralize the crazy you unleashed, and then expect him to still get the message about whatever is bothering you. It may look like your bf simply returns to normal after you apologize, but really he is making an active decision to disregard everything you just said so that he doesn't have to change his behavior.

You need to stop unleashing all that crazy on him at once and talk to him simply like an adult, if there is a solution or a way to deal with it, and if he wants to (that is if your happiness is still more important to him than whatever this other thing is) he will find a way. For example instead of demanding that he stop spending time with that 19 year old girl or unleashing all of your jealousy on him, tell him you don't think it's appropriate for him to be spending time with her alone. Then be quiet and let him digest it and come up with a solution. And if he feels bad about it, let him, he can handle it. He needs to feel bad in order to be motivated to change something. Think of it this way, your holding on to this heavy burden by yourself and its hurting you, you need to share this burden with him in order to find a solution, and sure for a while it will hurt the both of you, but that's the only way to lift the burden from either of you.

closetrpw · 2015-12-22T17:40:19+00:00

I think if you keep coming here, you will get better with finding the words to express your feelings.

Right now you are insecure and upset and rightly so- he is prioritizing another woman over you. You need to figure out your own boundaries- this is something we can't choose, unfortunately. We can't control our emotions. Clearly him hanging out with a girl everyday is crossing a boundary for you- and in my personal opinion, you are not overreacting at all.

Can you provide me any details on how he's being honest and trying to make you feel better about the situation? What is he doing with this girl? Do you feel less desired because of it?

Honestly I'd say something like this:

"Look, you are a great guy and as a result, I can sometimes be insecure that I'm not good enough for you or that I'm going to lose you. The situation with this girl is really pushing my boundaries, and I've felt this way enough times to know that it's not my hormones but is in fact a legitimate problem for me. You either need to provide better reassurance and comfort to make me feel ok about your relationship with her, or drop the relationship. I believe that as your gf, I should come first, and I feel you are constantly prioritizing her over me. If this doesn't get fixed reasonably soon, you will need to let me find someone who I am more compatible with. I don't care how this gets fixed, but I do know that your simply being honest about the situation is not enough for me right now. If there is something I can change, I am open and receptive to any suggestions, but suppressing my feelings about the situation isn't working because that's what I've been doing thus far. I love you very much, so I hope you can understand why it is incredibly hurtful for me to feel like I am second fiddle to this other girl. The situation is making me feel undesirable and is clearly starting to bleed into our sex lives. I have concluded that this is a clear boundary for me, and while this may not have been clear to either of us before, it is clear to me now, and if I continue to feel disrespected or like I'm not a priority to you, then I fear resentment will creep in and permanently sour our relationship."

I know this sounds harsh, but clearly this is an important boundary for you and it needs to come out as clear. If anyone has any suggestions to make this sound less angry, please edit it, but this is how I would approach it.

EDIT: what is the context? Does he say he like her or that they're just friends? If he truly doesn't like her, he's leading her on.

TempestTcup · 2015-12-19T17:21:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I don't know how to communicate. I recant on my feelings repeatedly. I need help.
Author	coffeedynamics
Upvotes	7
Comments	48
Date	December 19, 2015 8:10 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3xg2fd/i_dont_know_how_to_communicate_i_recant_on_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-dont-know-how-to-communicate-i-recant-on-my.166605 https://theredarchive.com/post/166605

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