Ladies, I could really use your advice. I’m going through a really rough time, and I could really use some tough love.

Little background: I have anxiety and depression (chemical imbalance) and was diagnosed later in my life, although I knew something was wrong when I was younger. Teased and berated for being quick to tears all my life. I’m a bubbly person, but people have equated this to being stupid, except I’m not, and I know I’m not. I don’t trust people easily, and my ex NVM fiancé made that worse. He eventually told me that “God told him to break up with me,” and I found out that he cheated on me. I’ve been in therapy for a while, but my therapist, my PCP, and I know that the COVID depression is making me feel lousy.

I like to think of myself as a HVW, but my confidence had been wracked by a lot lately that it almost feels like I’m almost lying when I say that. I’ve read and reread the handbook, but I’m just having so many doubts. I’ve been told I have a lot going for me, good paying job, two adorable dogs, charity work, masters program, etc. but it feels like it doesn’t mean anything. I feel like I’m not even worthy of being a HV Queen.

It’s not that I want to date again, but I’m tired of even trying to find the bare minimum that a guy can get to. Regular common decency. But that seems to be a bar most men can’t reach, even as low as it is.

I’ve been working on myself, but between being ridiculed for the things I love, my personality, my supposed lack of intelligence...I’m feeling pretty beaten. And I have no idea how to gain any confidence right now.