How do I go out alone? (alternatively- how the feelings I get going out by myself make it impossible for me to talk to anyone)

SkorchZang · 2014-06-19T06:37:26+00:00

Hey man. All I can say is, I nearly always go out alone to meet women. Imho the best way to do it.

When you walk into a place, whatever it is, look around, notice everyone and say to yourself "I own everything and everyone here." It doesn't matter that you don't, you act as if. Naturally because that's what you think, you will tend to make eye contact with the dominant males present, perhaps giving them a slight, approving nod. The girls are even easier, look at them as if they're all there only to entertain you, you personal harem. So perhaps you smile at them, or just look them in the eyes and make them unconsciously wonder if you'll pick her for tonight.

You don't say any of this delusional and psychotic stuff out loud, but you act it, and I guarantee, the girls will be wondering "omg who's that guy?", and no matter what outrageous stuff you feel like doing or saying, suddenly you can do no wrong. Everything you say is suddenly funny and sooo clever, even if it's actually lame, dumb and dumber.

This is how all people male and female tend to respond to friendly, unassuming confidence, command posture and a sunny, cheery-but-reserved disposition that requires no approval from anybody to exist, but simply is. Obviously, none of this means you'll be getting laid every night with zero effort now that you read my incredible message. But a little shift of attitude like that gives a lot of mileage, when you truly realize how much in your approach hinges on feeling like you require people's approval, rather than the exact opposite, generously giving them yours with no expectation or need of reciprocity from them.

monsieurhire2 · 2014-06-19T06:39:01+00:00

"I never just see anyone out alone like me."

Everyone is ultimately alone. That they are in groups is an illusion. Plenty of people go out alone too. You are not the only one. Also, you could theoretically be meeting people, or you were just hanging out with some people. You are likely reacting to the possibility of being shamed for being by yourself. You are afraid of what someone will say, or how they'll react, when in all likelihood, they won't say anything about it all. And if they do, you can always just throw back a prescripted response that you feel would appropriately handle the situation. Also, if someone tries to shame you like this, they're not worth the time anyway, so they're actually doing you a favor by revealing their awful nature right away.

Humankeg · 2014-06-19T09:15:57+00:00

Don't start with clubs and bars. Start donig other things that you usually did with friends that don't have such a stigma. Go to the movies by yourself, hang out at the beach, go for hikes and bike rides solo, head to a book store, have dinner at a nice place, all by yourself.

In these settings there is zero pressure to actually talk to another person, but you are still in public, practicing being by yourself, and becoming more in tune with yourself while alone. This makes the transition to heading to bars and clubs much easier.

This is what I did (not knowingly) when I was recovering from my depression. I lost touch with a lot of friends, wanted to go out, and didn't have many pepole in my life still. So I went out by myself, a lot. And now my life is back in order, and I am still hanging out with only myself.

2014-06-19T13:25:33+00:00

In my experience the best way to make friends is through work or suchlike.

You sometimes only need to make one friend, and you'll end up with 10 through the social connections you make through them. Hell half the people im friends with now weren't people i made friends with, but friends of friends who then themselves ghosted but i kept the other guys around, because frankly they were cooler than the original guy.

Either way, ive been in your position, i moved away from my home city for work and to make a LDR into a normal relationship in 2009. The relationship ended after 3 months of living together (LDR had lasted 6 years) and i found myself in a new town with no friends within 150 miles.

I wasnt the man then that i am now, and i fucked it up royally by expecting friendships to break down my door and by not realizing that actually people had been really quite keen to be my friend had i given them half a chance. I only became aware of just how liked i was when i had already handed in my resignation and taken a shitty job back home. Big leaving do, lots of people made the effort to come who i hadnt even thought were that keen on me. All of whom seemed genuinely gutted i was leaving.

So my advice would be to let those people who want to be your friend do so, when a man expresses an interest in getting a beer with you or whatever, take him at his word because youve got nothing to lose. Most of the time he's probably just trying to connect because he thinks you're a decent guy.

Then you wont need to worry about playing solo game, because you'll have wingmen.

Some people do prefer solo game though, so if thats your overall goal, disregard me.

jobs33ker · 2014-06-19T16:44:37+00:00

I'm new to TRP and seddit

Honestly bro, if I can offer any advice, it's stay the fuck off seddit. It's a fucking joke. Always has been. It's for idiots who want to "get pussy" while still being totally plugged in white knights.

I mean come on, any community that is supposedly about seduction, yet displays field reports telling of "NUmber closing" is nothing but a parody of itself.

I used to read seddit before I found trp, and I always found it a bit corny. They have some things right, but in general fall short of the mark. The other day I went onto my local seddit subreddit, hoping I could maybe find a wing, and found a post mentioning trp, and top comment in that thread was saying something along the lines of "can we NOT be associated with the redpill? blah blah misogynistic blah blah neckbeard, ect"

So fuck them. They are after pussy, not self improvement. They may trick some poor cunt into fucking them for a night, but they can never, ever come close to holding a candle to what trp has to offer.

insickness · 2014-06-19T14:52:30+00:00

The way to get comfortable going out alone is by practicing it in small increments. If you want to go to bars, go out alone to a bar every day and get comfortable being in that environment. Stay for ten minutes at first. Don't put pressure on yourself to talk with anyone else. Just hang out there. After a while, start staying for longer.

Part of the reason you may feel uncomfortable going to bars alone is because most people go with friends. You can make up an 'excuse' in your mind why you're there alone. Maybe you're waiting to meet up with a friend and he's not there yet. Maybe you had a half hour to kill before you go to do something else. Whatever it is, if you have an excuse in your mind as to why you would be there alone, it can make it easier to deal with the anxiety.

If you're intention is to meet women while going out alone, it tends to be easier to do this at daytime locations (parks, cafes, stores, etc.) rather than bars and clubs. This is because women are almost always with friends at bars and it can be tricky to have a one-on-one conversation when she's with her friend.

2014-06-19T15:40:52+00:00

I know that no one is paying attention to me. For all intents and purposes I'm invisible, and yet I feel like everyone is looking at me wondering why this loser is out by himself.

Think about it. Your friends or aquaintances are the ones who have developed a concept of your personality in their heads and will heckle (shit test) you if you try to change, especially for the better. When you're around strangers, nobody knows who you "normally" are. It might seem alien to you to actually have game, but it's not other people that think you are being strange, just you.

A lot of people like going out alone because they don't feel chained down by their friends' expectations.

wazzym · 2014-06-19T09:32:56+00:00

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

I think alot of guys have been in your place, I used to feel the same thing, There is a good book I would recommend for you. It def helped me. http://www.amazon.com/First-Impressions-What-About-Others/dp/0553382012

smokingmonkey420 · 2014-06-19T14:32:36+00:00

About the anxiety. You have to turn that off. Detach yourself from it. Recognize the feeling for what it is, and suppress it. Then, re-orient your focus by remembering that you are the shit and own this bar.

Vrpp · 2014-06-19T17:42:08+00:00

I am in a very similar situation to you, especially with the post Uni thing.

I often go nightclubbing alone and I say this as someone who is pretty much a friendless Incel (even though I hate that term). If you have been reading the pill for a while. One thing should have struck you. No one cares about you. Especially if your a man, we don't have magic privledge, we are not girls.

I thought it would be wierd to go clubbing alone. But no one cares about you. No one gives a fuck about you. Loud clubs full of music, no one says a thing. That helps a lot if you are socially anxious and find talking to women difficult.

Alcohol does help me feel less anxious, but getting to drunk is not good for someone like me as it makes me depressed. A little goes a long way.

Sure there will be girls that treat you like shit, swear at you laugh in your face etc. But I have been close to sex because of partying alone. An Indian girl took me back to her place and I would have gotten the lay If I had to remembered a Condom. I could have gone with another girl a few months ago but I didn't find her attractive, probably a bad move by me in the end there.

I am trying to get better socially and improve myself like you are. So a lot of things i can't help you with, because I'm trying to figure that stuff out to.

Nightclubbing alone has changed my life though. I was approaching 22 years old last October and decided to take a chance and went out. I got my first kiss that night. I am a massive 'Beta' so It was a great night. So even though it sucks sometimes. Nightclubbing alone has changed things for me.

hawkster9542 · 2014-06-19T20:01:15+00:00

Stay away from seddit if you want any actionable advice whatsoever when it comes to game. You'd do better looking through /r/trpGame and /r/askTRP to get real information related to what you desire.

Six_Demon_Bag · 2014-06-19T20:42:37+00:00

Came across this amazing red pill quote from the Buk -

“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the most alone." I've never thought, "Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I'll feel good." No, that won't help. You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's drink more wine!” ― Charles Bukowski

2014-06-20T05:50:10+00:00

"I am trying to make friends, but it's a little tougher post college. I don't want to wait to make friends to go out and start talking to people. I want to do it now."

This is your problem. You are attempting to pursue meaningful relationships in the most vapid of locations, and you're attempting to do it with the biggest handicap possible--going out alone.

Even if you do manage to get a date or get laid, alarm bells are going to go off once she realizes you don't have any friends.

I would suggest meeting friends through work, events, parties, and outdoor activities. People are much more friendly in these non-anonymous sorts of environments, as people attending them have a reputation to uphold. If you do insist on going out alone, go to a busy bar with limited pool tables and offer to "play winner." Once you have a solid social circle, your friends can probably invite you to other parties or events, where things will continue to move along more smoothly.

2014-06-19T10:10:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	How do I go out alone? (alternatively- how the feelings I get going out by myself make it impossible for me to talk to anyone)
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	54
Comments	29
Date	June 19, 2014 6:08 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/28j3n3/how_do_i_go_out_alone_alternatively_how_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-do-i-go-out-alone-alternatively-how-the.16831 https://theredarchive.com/post/16831

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