What is it with new girlfriends who always have to subtly mention their exes in conversation?

RamJamtheBarbarian · 2014-06-24T01:04:39+00:00

Its a girls way of saying "This is the level of male i dated before you. You have to beat him in status or im going to start looking for other options" The best way to deal with that bull shit would be to just not care.

Example: When she trys to guilt you or kill your ego. Female: "Derick had a really cool boat" You: " Really? Damn, I need to be friends with Derick. You know how many bitches i could bring on a boat?! Damn" And laugh.

Example: Sobs about how bad they were to her...This is just her TELLING you to not do these things, to try and train you into submissiveness. Female: "Derick always did --(Alpha shit like cursed)-- and -(Alpha Shit like Hanging out with his friends whenever he wanted)--- I hated that. You: You pretty much tell her you do alot worse then Derick so sucks for her and laugh.

And the last Example: If she talks about the Beta shit he used to do. Female: Derick cried infront of me one time. You: Just Laugh your ass off. That ones easy.

TheSKSpecial · 2014-06-24T00:53:24+00:00

Subtle manipulation tactic. By bringing up the ex she's:
-putting you on notice that she has options (reverse dread game)
-trying to manipulate you by comparing you to him (she may remark on something she hated about him to get you to do the opposite which is what she really wants, or talk about something she liked about him order to get you to do it too)
-wants to put you in a state where in order to keep her happy you reflexively do things to be 'better' than him

scrubzor · 2014-06-24T00:44:21+00:00

I think the talk of exes early on in dating is often an attempt to play the victim card, harp on your sympathies and get you to white knight her. Once you feel like a white knight, you'll probably lock her down into a relationship because you get addicted to the ego boost... unless you are smart that is. Personally, I was roped into my shittiest relationship with a girl who did this before I swallowed the red pill. I would be leery of any girl who is constantly talking of her exes and playing a victim card.

PostGradWarrior · 2014-06-24T00:57:56+00:00

I usually ask how long ago they broke up before throwing in something about how it sounds like she's not over her ex. It usually stops the ex bf talk immediately.

2014-06-24T00:25:32+00:00

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ayeswideschutt · 2014-06-24T15:24:45+00:00

The moment mention of an ex comes up, I tell her (at the appropriate pause in conversation, I don't cut her off mid sentence unless she runs on) "But we're not talking about your ex, because I'll need to start charging you for a therapy session, and I have a two hour minimum."

Field tested more than 20 times. Said with a slight smile and the right humor and tone in your voice, it works every time. Occasionally, the ex will still get mentioned again (sometimes exes are big parts of peoples' lives, and it's hard to talk about your past at all without mentioning the ex if the ex was a boyfriend/husband for any length of time) but most women will acknowledge that they are mentioning the ex only to illustrate their story, stay away from touch/bitchy topics, and quickly get off the topic.

Edit: If the topic does come up again, you can simply say with that same, amused smile "Meter's running!" That will cut her short. But above all, simply don't care about her ex, whether she says good things or bad things about him. There's a reason he's an ex.

2014-06-24T16:40:48+00:00

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2comment · 2014-06-24T03:13:30+00:00

The compare and contrast game is always to stoke the jealousy embers to her advantage, but also you push in the direction she wants you to go.

"Oh wow, my bf would never have taken me here. You're so generous." or "You're so kind." Etcetera.

Now paid the compliment as generous or kind, most men feel obliged to reciprocrate and act in the box of her expectations.

In a way, it's really no different than how the Salvation army sends people some cheap custom return addresses and people feel obliged to donate $$$ even if that shit cost $0.20 per recipient to make en masse.

Women also try to get a man into beta mode as a type of long term shit test, and them trying to lead the dance is definitely one of them.

This is where the current generation's dogma against douchebaggery (and seeing the slightest assertiveness and demand for results as douchebaggy) fails the modern male and gives the advantage to men who don't mind being seen as assholes.

2014-06-24T03:13:32+00:00

You're allowing it, point blank.

I cut off threads quickly, and sometimes NOT so subtlety. Then, if it continues, escalate to telling her to stop talking about the.ex or else she will just have to continue the convo with the walls.

Edit: who gives a fuck what their motives are. 1. Either to badmouth the ex 2. Get sympathy from u 3. Make u jealous (subconscious shit test) 4. Straight up (malicious intent) shit test (see if u squirm)

Shows you are not holding frame well.

charlesbukowksi · 2014-06-24T08:14:12+00:00

i used to talk about an ex that gave great head all the time with another now ex. she ended up giving me head a lot more often and actually got better than the other one but i never told her that.

i feel like its my gift to the rest of the cock carousel. i'm betting you can extrapolate what your lady friend is up to, unconsciously or not.

silverwyrm · 2014-06-24T10:11:28+00:00

Is she just happening to mention her ex in conversation, or is she directly and explicitly comparing you to her ex?

If she just happens to mention her ex then it's just a casual mention. If she's directly comparing you she's either still hung up on her ex on some level higher than she maybe should be, or she's playing games. The latter seems the least likely to me, and should be grounds for not continuing things if it's really bad. Her being hung up on her ex may or may not be a problem.

mydarkmeatrises · 2014-06-24T11:21:22+00:00

I tell a woman quick, let's make a deal, I don't care to hear about your ex and I won't care to tell you anything about mine.

He doesn't have anything to do with me, capiche?

Dr_Acu1a · 2014-06-24T05:44:15+00:00

Semi-related.

I was with my girlfriend and we ran into her ex on the way into a bar. They chatted for a little and then we walked away. She said, "I hope you aren't feeling jealous of him."

At this point it was more or less her judging whether or not I was threatened by her past relationships, which indirectly was the same situation as her bringing it up without us running into him. All I responded with was an offhanded, "Why would I be jealous of him? He's a boy." As if the thought would never have crossed my mind. After that, she got extremely touchy and affectionate the rest of the night.

Admittedly the guy was a total pussy, so I didn't need to do anything beyond that. I think that in this situation, acting like you know full damn well that you're better than her ex is all it really takes. That confidence rubs off on her and she believes it herself.

Bbyybbbaby · 2014-06-24T03:11:46+00:00

She is usually not over the ex is she keeps mentioning him.

Either way when they do that without being asked she still has some form of feeling for the ex, you should immediately next her

Azediae · 2014-06-24T03:13:58+00:00

When they bring up ex's bring up yours :)

Usually kills the convo pretty quickly and instead of bad things your ex did mention great things.

icallmyselfmonster · 2014-06-24T09:52:55+00:00

If you haven't fucked her, she is looking for a big sale.

cooltrip · 2014-06-24T12:12:59+00:00

By telling you you are better than her exes, she's "cheap feeding your ego" as attempting to prevent that you will expect some "more severe compensation" from her (than simply telling you you are better than her exes) as a condition for you to accept her for your girlfriend.

She's also "telling" you (without telling it) she has options, she isn't losing anything if she has to dump you, and so you are the one "needing" the relationship.

funnymaroon · 2014-06-24T16:16:29+00:00

When a girl starts denigrating her exes, it reflects poorly on her. If the guy was such a douche, what does it say about her that she got in a relationship with him? I usually ask that straight out and I promise you, you'll never hear about the guy again after that.

2014-06-24T20:09:46+00:00

Tit for tat. "Ha ha yeah Sally used to never shower before sex. Where did we dig up these losers?" Make sure the thing your ex did or didn't do is the same as what the current does or doesn't do.

chakravanti93 · 2014-06-24T14:26:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	What is it with new girlfriends who always have to subtly mention their exes in conversation?
Author	im_not
Upvotes	59
Comments	49
Date	June 24, 2014 12:11 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/28x5t7/what_is_it_with_new_girlfriends_who_always_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/what-is-it-with-new-girlfriends-who-always-have-to.16991 https://theredarchive.com/post/16991

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