Acted like a pussy in LTR. Next her or try to salvage it?

360_no_scope_upvote · 2019-01-17T04:03:03+00:00

This reads like a 26 year old man child. You need to grow into the man you deserve to be and sometimes that takes letting go of your old attachments. She accepts you for the imposter that you are because she doesn't know any better, but you know you're full of shit.

What are you going to do, how are you gonna take control of yourself? We can't give you those answers. Part of TRP is finding out who you really are and what you want to become.

[deleted] · 2019-01-17T03:07:09+00:00

Why don't you just double down on improving your self? How is the current situation negatively affecting your life?

Sounds like you just need to man up a bit. Going to be hard to revert the power dynamics and you will have to maintain very strong frame at least for a month. But if you don't break, she could happily go full submissive again and she would absolutely love you for it.

But if the relationship is getting in the way of your goals, then move on.

ghosts_of_me · 2019-01-17T03:41:20+00:00

If youre seriously a plane ride away from doubling your income then no bitch should hold you back. Go.

kopa-shamsu · 2019-01-17T04:03:00+00:00

crying in front of her multiple times

I am not sure how you can fix this, can you travel back in time? I don't think so. She will leave you as soon as the time is right. I am kinda having a gut-feeling that she's already cheating on you. Try to look into her call history and stuffs.

Ditch her and find a new girl. Make sure the new girl is not related to her in any way, if any women learns about your "crying" she will lose all attraction towards you, immediately.

itiswr1tten · 2019-01-17T05:38:33+00:00

Do you want her or not? The rest of any advice I give is based on your answer.

huggyblossom · 2019-01-17T06:42:56+00:00

What is the problem then if you like her?

Start training hard, find a hobby that involves high amount of sweat and become the man you need to be once for you and then for her.

If you are tired beyond from exercises you won't have time for bad thoughts. And money is just a fokin number, better be king in your village then a nobody in the city and she is your kingdom from your long post.

thrwy75479 · 2019-01-17T07:42:24+00:00

It's hard to say really.

One thing that's certain is that, no, girls do not date or marry guys that are below them in terms of status or money. It just doesn't work. There are studies on this that you can google.

So, if she's not with you for the money, then what is it? Well, she obviously finds you attractive, and she may see potential in you.

Furthermore, if she comes from a family of lawyers, then it could be the case that she's surrounded by very cold, and unemotional people. Almost all the wealthy people I've met are like that. Everything is very superficial, and hard.

Her receiving emotions from you could be filling a void created during her childhood due to emotional neglect. You're allowing her to express or feel emotions that may have been repressed for some time. It's just a guess.

It may be a form of healing for her. Perhaps for yourself too. However, you have to be aware that this is a temporary high that she's getting. She'll get past this, so will you, and it won't be the same after that.

Moving forward, it's difficult to know what will happen to the relationship between you two. Thing is, you have to recover from a breakdown somehow, and the only way to do that is to work on yourself and improve, which takes time. Will she stick around? Will you stick around? Who knows.

Gobraves44 · 2019-01-17T03:43:15+00:00

What’s her n-count? Too vague on that part for me to give full advice

LadyD_91 · 2019-01-17T04:31:13+00:00

If staying with her will help you grow and improve yourself than sure, do that.

However, if it will hold you back than you need to move on. Some times, leaving will put you in a place where you will be forced to do something about your situation. You will have no choice but to work on yourself.

Think about that. Not so much about pro and con, but will changing yourself, and sticking to the changes, be possible if you have this relationship? There is this old saying that "you can never really change as there will always be someone that remembers who you used to be".

Good luck

Startlivingfornow · 2019-01-17T06:05:45+00:00

You don’t have to leave her to become a man. There’s nothing she can or can’t give that will change how much you respect yourself.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-01-17T07:13:50+00:00

However, she’s still very attracted to me and she loves and cares about me a lot. She’s still obsessed with me to the point of being clingy. The sex is still great.

Great. Then why are you whining?

Go fuck her into submission, then make your mission and direction in life a bigger priority.

Cheated on her ex a couple times when she was 19/20.

Slept around in college. She wasn’t known for being a slut, but she was in a sorority and she partied.

Yes. Yes she was known for being a slut. Who's kidding who here?

The cheating means she's a more experienced liar than average and has lied to you on several occasions. Whether this has gone as far as cheating, or whether it's just been to cover stupid impulsive shit...I couldn't say. You'd have to look back for other classic red flags of cheating such as unreliability/flakiness, sudden concern about her appearance and outfit, secretive about phone use, loss of interest in sex and affection, calling you lazy, mentally ill, or accusing you of manipulating her, Et cetera.

But it's very difficult to fake attraction.

So, deal with the ocassional dishonesty by not banking emotionally on her being a source of journalistic fact.

The way you deal with the history of cheating is to write down an exit plan.

Then, if she starts refusing sex regularly, or showing other signs of disinterest, just assume she's cheated.

Don't get mad, don't complain, don't confront her, don't get paranoid and snoop around her phone. Don't say jack shit. She's never yours it's just your turn. Get rolling on your exit plan.

Secondly accept the nonzero possibility that she's cheated already.

Remember that betas guard their mates, Alphas disregard,This is because alphas know they can get another woman just as good as her with a reasonable amount of effort.

-She’s a real bitch when she gets mad or doesn’t get her way, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells a bunch.

This is for three reasons.

Number one, you're walking on eggshells because you're not willing to just walk away.

This is why you think her anger and disrespect is a serious fucking business. She can't keep bitching at you when you aren't there. Ratchet down your give-a-shit about drama and bitchiness and ratchet up your ability to get up and walk.

If she gets snippy or tense or aggro, then just tell her you're going out to run an errand and offer no further explanation. "Look, I've going to go work out for a couple. See you later tonight."

The first time this will be pretty nerve wracking and you'll feel like an asshole. Soldier on anyway.

She's try and start a fight about it when you get back. She'll blow up your phone. Just agree with whatever she says "Sure, if you say so." then tell her as far as you're concerned, going to the gym is a non-issue. Then go do something else in a different room. Do not under any circumstances justify, argue, defend, or explain yourself in any way.

When she complains that you're not doing what she wants, or don't agree to her plans, tell her you're busy and leave.

This will take 3-4 instances of you leaving before she decides it's not worth the risk and to just STFU if she's grumpy.

Unless she's crazy, the change will be amazing.

-I’m taking a hit in my career to stay where I’m at with her. I could make twice my salary in other parts of the country, and the main reason I’m staying where I’m at is her.

This is the second reason she's a bitch to you. You made her your priority instead of your mission. She doesn't like that she feels beholden to you. You should be telling her she should move across country so she can support you in your slick new job.

The third reason is that you've tried to DEAR to her in the past. That is, Defend, Explain, Accuse, or Rationalize.

This is like pouring diesel on a campfire. Women find this to be very validating of the feelings and beliefs due to the Backfire effect. this tends to cause the behavior to escalate.

-This isn’t a pro or a con but she’s rich. She’s in law school and comes from a family full of rich lawyers.

Who cares? As I said she's probably a decent liar, go figure. This isn't really a problem unless you take what she says in particular, seriously.

tldr: I’ve failed badly as a man

If she's still fucking you good, then this amounts to a trash load of self-pity. Cut that crap out.

SwoleyMoleyFrijoley · 2019-01-17T14:26:27+00:00

You are the person you decide to be in this moment. Now is the only thing you have control over. Living in the past will only damage your future. Be the man you wish you'd have been before, and suddenly you are that man.

Best way to become a fitness model is start doing precisely what a fitness model would do every day. Best way to be the man you want to be is to do precisely what the man you want to be would do every day.

Title	Acted like a pussy in LTR. Next her or try to salvage it?
Author	carquestionsguy
Upvotes	3
Comments	33
Date	January 17, 2019 3:00 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/agtazj/acted_like_a_pussy_in_ltr_next_her_or_try_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/acted-like-a-pussy-in-ltr-next-her-or-try-to.170505 https://theredarchive.com/post/170505

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