Am I overthinking this? How to stop hamstering?

fashfront · 2019-01-20T20:38:36+00:00

I don't think you're overthinking this at all, and as for her loyalty, I think you're looking at this very reasonably. Personally, I think the only way you could ever stop hamstering would be to stop caring about the relationship, which I can't offer much advice on

Talinor09 · 2019-01-20T20:52:25+00:00

It’s perfectly fine to be concerned and even normal to worry about this.

Ultimately you have to face the fact that if the girl wants/wanted to cheat then she’ll find a way to do so. Despite what TRP forums suggest most girls are pretty normal and not that predisposed to cheating, even if the guy is decent looking. You also have to consider that the guy probably knows she’s in a relationship and therefore won’t try anything.

It’s out of your hands so stop worrying. If she does do anything then it’ll likely show when she gets back.

Given her behaviour though it seemed she was nervous that you’d think she’d cheat, which suggests she cares about you and your emotional wellbeing. Cheaters are generally defensive and look for ways to deflect blame by gaslighting their significant other.

peaceful_strong_man · 2019-01-20T23:24:12+00:00

You’ve been cucked just by the fact of her going on a trip alone with a guy and not telling you about him in advance. Then there may or may not have been things that happened on top of that.

failingtheturingtest · 2019-01-20T23:56:23+00:00

If you worry now, or don't worry now, will not change the outcome.

Just pay attention to what's happening. You've already picked up on some important clues. She kept something from you for fear of making trouble for herself, until she felt she either couldn't reasonably keep it a secret (you were going to find out anyway) or until she felt safe to come clean (well it's too late to change plans now).

The extra information (admitting they are alone for some days) can just as easily be plausible deniability. You would likely find out at some point, so lying about it now would make her seem guilty. If you give her a hard time about it she can accuse you of not trusting her, and they're just friends, and you're horrible. If you don't say anything, it was an accident and you'll never know anything.

The extra shit before leaving is 100% because she feels like she's doing something wrong. She may not even be thinking about cheating, but she knows she shouldn't be staying with this dude.

Look for clues when she's back. She not yours, it's just your turn, and all that. But as someone else said, if a sheila is going to cheat, nothing on this planet is going to stop her. No point assuming EVERY girl will cheat on you the moment an opportunity appears. Keep yourself keen, keep yourself fit, keep your game on point and you'll bounce back if it happens.

sandal_on · 2019-01-21T01:01:17+00:00

Dear fellow male, I will be brutally honest and try to explain all points why.

She told you, so that you wouldn't dig deeper around to uncover what happened. Women project their understanding and how they operate onto men, so she were afraid you would be asking around so she told you to prevent you from doing that.

A. You got good sex, dinner and such.

Did come from newly and strong game practised on her which made her do this for you? No.
Have you been training her to do this? No.
Are you a drama lover or is there plenty of girls wanting to be with you which your girlfriend noticed? No.

Now we have eliminated causes so we can focus on other things.

B. She gave sudden affection, sex and dinner.

If this is something she doesn't do, then it is a major red flag for cheating. This is so you don't suspect her, and even if you did, you would feel bad in her mind since she gave you all these things. Also it eases her conscious and makes her feel less guilty because she did these things for you.
She planned a trip and didn't tell you until two days later, so if you would get upset, she could justify her cheating with "he is asshole and he deserves to be cheated on because he got angry/upset at me" . Girls do this all the time and is very, very common tactic where they don't tell their partner about a trip until a few days later, and if they get upset, they can justify their cheating without feeling guilty and use it as "he is abusive card" among friends and family to turn them against despite her being a cheater.
When a female in ltr hangs out more than needed time in a ltr, like a trip, it is red flag and indication of cheating. It is even worse when the girlfriend says it is female friend, and it turns out to be a guy. That's huge sign of cheating since she lied about the gender. She lied about them all being girls, until she told you two days later.
Since you didn't get angry with her, she needed to wash away her guilt. So on the night before, she gave you these things.

Last words: You are hamstering strongly because your gut feeling is screaming to you in order for your to take heed. Listen to it. This relationship wasn't good as it needed to be in order to be healthy (which if it was, she wouldn't even take a trip without you without feeling down without you). If it were healthy you wouldn't feel at unease.

You need to develop the tools for a serious ltr where you can feel relaxed and at ease. I recommend that you:

Leave this relationship for your own health and well being.
I suggest that you ghost this girl, since for your own good and that she already disrespected you intentionally too much. It is also better than that word gets around (if it would happen) and hurt your reputation where people laugh at your cost behind your back. Yes ghosting someone you were in ltr is painful and hard, but if you don't take the pain now when it is not huge, it will grow much bigger and hurt you much more in the long run.
Practice and learn better game as well other important things, and then get into multiple ltr where you genuinely don't like the girl but the girl is a bitchy and it is your practice target so you can learn and develop your intuition. Don't choose quiet low energy girls, choose high energy girls who throw a lot of shit tests. That way if you learn to handle these types of girls, the rest will be easier and maybe even boring (depending if you get to enjoy shit tests)

Sidenote: I am tired so I might missed a few things and some spelling.

T-P-T-W-P · 2019-01-21T02:06:50+00:00

TRP likes to lay blanket terms and conditions and sometimes the approach is super valuable and sometimes it isn’t at all. In reality, some girls tend to cheat and some don’t. My ex girlfriend was propositioned by a well known MLB player in the dm’s extensively at one point and she didn’t cheat. I’ve tried banging chicks with far lower SMV boyfriends and they didn’t do it. Then there are the women with wealthy, alpha boyfriends that go and cheat with the deadbeat janitor because they feel like it. Is it possible that your girl has or will bang that guy? Definitely. But its also just as likely she isn’t. Not that I would allow my LTR to go on a trip with another man, there are far too many men and women on earth to shut down your girl’s interaction with the opposite sex entirely. You really just need to personally read the situation now/during/after and then apply TRP. I don’t like this sub for singularly specific advice anyway because way too many variables and dynamics get left out and trying to tell someone exactly what to do is nearly useless.

icecruzader · 2019-01-21T03:14:15+00:00

fuckboychadlmao · 2019-01-21T04:52:51+00:00

That last 2 days is gonna be a blast for both parties.

Twitch_Durbslurb · 2019-01-21T06:15:46+00:00

What is wrong with you lmao

Title	Am I overthinking this? How to stop hamstering?
Author	yahyasafe7115
Upvotes	7
Comments	25
Date	January 20, 2019 8:29 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ai1y0s/am_i_overthinking_this_how_to_stop_hamstering/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/am-i-overthinking-this-how-to-stop-hamstering.170990 https://theredarchive.com/post/170990

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